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Please Help - I Can't Stop, So Scared

Old 08-07-2012, 12:42 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Wow Claire

Reading your story was like reading about my life 5 months ago, I have to go to work now but I will send you a proper reply this evening. I just wanted to say hello and you are not alone. I am new in 41/2 months sober but its the best thing I ever did.

Take care and welcome

Ally
xxx
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Old 08-07-2012, 01:16 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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The first step is just to stop! I made a list of 101 things to do before drinking. Some of the things on the list where as simple as 'look in the mirror at your wrinkles' lol, I didn't wanna make em any worse! Be prepared for the fight of your life. The first month was as hard as anything I've ever done then it slowly gets easier. My mantra was the only way out is thru (the cravings and irritability that is). By the 3rd month I felt truly amazing and felt the freedom. I stupidly let a moment on holiday get the better of me, had a drink and didn't even enjoy it. I have about 10 days sober now but feel safe as I love the sober me and hated the drunk me. All the best, u can do it!!!
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Old 08-07-2012, 01:45 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I understand your being scared. Alcoholism will take a woman down very hard in middle age, which is where you are right now. I was 44 when I stopped drinking. My "bottom" was not as drastic as others have dealt with - I had a job, car, home, etc. But I was (and always will be) a drunk. The difference between then & now is I am a drunk who has not had a drink TODAY, thru the grace of God and the program of AA.
If I were to share any hope here with you, I'd first say you only have to do this program one heartbeat at a time. 90 meetings in 90 days seems impossible ... break it down into manageable baby steps. They will add up and you will find yourself linking one sober day to the previous one. My father (sober for 27 1/2 yrs at the time of his death) used to say, "By the yard, it's hard; but by the inch, it's a cinch!"
God be with you,
dcj
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Old 08-07-2012, 06:17 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Shepardess: Two things stand out when I read your story. First of all, you say you had a bad experience the first time you went to AA. That's certainly bad luck. But why abandon AA entirely because of that one bad encounter? Might it not be a good idea to shop around a bit and see if there are other AA groups, perhaps other sponsors, which might help you? Why not give it another try? If not AA then perhaps some other group recovery program. Very often it increases the chance of long term recovery if one does not isolate and try to do it on one's own. Which leads me to my second thought. You say that you are a "home" person, that you like to be by yourself, don't rely on others, etc. And yet you also say you spend a lot of time, particularly on weekends, alone drinking. I have a daughter in law who speaks this way, "I'm not a calendar person!" she says, in an effort to explain why she's always late or forgets engagements, never calls back. "I'm a this person, I'm not a that person, etc. etc." What's going on here? It sounds like rationalization. Why not admit that you're an "alcoholic person", that booze has got you by the throat and it's getting worse. That when you say you're not a "this" person or a "that" person but some other kind of person (a "home drinking alcoholic person"?) it's the booze talking. So why not seek help, professional or otherwise, and start out on the road to recovery. Be a "recovery person"!

W.
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Old 08-07-2012, 07:08 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I've been in and out of AA for 25 years. I have had many "bad experiences" and yet I somehow know that it does work and that there are just people in the rooms, doing their "best" to help another.

Last year, I was desperate. 25 years, half my life, devoted to getting messed up/drunk, adding to my list of Not Yets (things I hadn't done 25 years ago mysteriously were added to that originally short list over the years), I returned to AA.

I heard a woman's story and instead of running out of the room, I ran to that woman who ended up guiding me through the 12 steps. Finally! I worked all of those steps and I did change, almost overnight!~

Try not to drink today. Find a woman's meeting or some meeting you haven't been to and sit for an hour. Take a listen to xa-speakers.org as there are recorded speaker meetings on there. Don't drink today.

Stay stopped, look and search and pray on your sponsor to show up, keep going to meetings. I go to meetings to either find a sponsor or find a sponsee (help another suffering addict and to give back freely what was once freely given to me). Working the 12 steps in my life and knowing that my higher power keeps me sober: Priceless.

I wish you well.
Love & hugs,
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Old 08-07-2012, 07:15 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Sincere thanks to ALL OF YOU for the love, wisdom, and caring you have shown me, wow! Many things that were shared ring so true to me... and it is lovely to know that so many can relate to my feelings and experiences almost to the point of being identical. I find much hope in what I have read and am very impressed with the AVRT method, which I checked out yesterday - makes alot of sense and it is so wonderful to remember that the true me, my real self, is NOT the one that wants to drink.

Sincere thanks once again and I will be in touch. Best of luck and good health to everyone! xoxo
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