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62 days - need help please

Old 08-06-2012, 10:38 AM
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62 days - need help please

Hi everyone

Today is day 62 for me and I had been cruising along really nicely but all of a sudden I have hit a brick wall. (last time I managed to get to 78 days).

I need some advice from someone who has been here before. I seem to get past all the worst of it and, as soon as I start to relax a bit, then bam! How can I get into the 3 month arena and beyond? This is REALLY important for me as my marriage will fail if I don't make it this time (like that wouldn't be enough incentive?!)

Thanks for reading this.

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Old 08-06-2012, 10:46 AM
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Bounced:

What's your brick wall? Maybe if you explain more by what you mean, people can be more spot on in their replies.
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Old 08-06-2012, 10:56 AM
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Thanks, SlimSlim

I am not too sure if the "60 day" marker is what has done it (like it is fine working towards a milestone and great to celebrate it but then there is a deflated feeling a couple of days later).

Otherwise it is not having a long term view of myself as a "non drinker" so when I get to the point that I no longer have physical cravings then I revert to the "why am I doing this?" little voice.

Anyway, I am a very black and white person so "no alcohol" is a relatively easy option to follow. I start to have difficulties whenever I start thinking "well, maybe just some". There simply is no grey area for me. Then I start getting anxiety, stomach cramps, can't get the idea out of my head and I end up fighting with myself every few minutes about it. Eventually I get to the point where alcohol is going to make the feelings go away (and we all know where that leads).
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:00 AM
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Check out AVRT bounced, it will help you to not listen to that little voice.

Aim for 90 days, then pick more markers till you forget about counting

all the best
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:12 AM
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Hi Bounced

I know how you feel, I've been at this stage at least 3 times before and relapsed. Ask yourself, do you really want to go through this again? Were all the withdrawal symptoms that much fun that you want to relive them? Your going through a period in your sobriety where your mind is playing tricks on you. Read a few posts on SR to remind yourself what it's like to be an alcoholic and how miserable some of us are because we drink. The reality is, most newcomers on SR admire people like you for your sobriety and your courage in avoiding alcohol for 62 days.

I'm only in my 5th week of sobriety but I know I've cracked it this time and will never drink again. Keep the focus, do not become complacent, visit this forum as often as you need to and never, ever, question your decision to quit drinking. You don't want another day one!

Hope that helps

All the best

Julynine
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:20 AM
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Hey Bounced,
I have recovered through AA. Have 4 years of sobriety and am free from the obsession to drink. I have learned that simply putting down a drink is not enough for me. When I try that, things get better for a short time, sure. But then, as you mentioned, I start questioning what I am doing and why. "What's 1 drink gonna do?" That one always got me.
I give you credit for making it as long as you have. Couple of weeks without a drink and that voice in my head was screaming at me. I was restless, extremely irritable, insanely anxious, depressed and scared. I would get to the point that in order for me to maintain any normalcy in my life a drink was absolutely necessary. Alcohol was the only answer I had to those problems.
After Joining AA, I found a new answer. The 12 steps of AA have worked for me and millions upon millions of other recovered alcoholics.

Maybe it is your answer too. Have you sought out meetings in your area?
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:33 AM
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I can relate , I really struggled with the milestone of 3 and 4 months. Until I fully surrendered and got really busy working the steps of AA, I was always at the meetings loved the fellowship.

But it wasnt till I used both and became a true member did my little merry go round stop. Just for today.
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:56 AM
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I have never been very good at grey either Bounced.

There are always other markers...90 days, 6 months...

I found that really depressing early on though because I couldn't imagine getting that far and I guess I hadn't accepted myself as a non drinker either. That is a constant work in process in a way.

It becomes easier as the days pass not to drink but then the further away you are from your last drunk then the easier it is to forget the reasons why you quit in the first place. I know that 'Thinking the drink through' certainly required more effort as time passed.

I second Seanie's suggestion of AVRT. And BBThumper's suggestion of AA...

Well done for recognising this as a danger point, now you just need to find the right tools to get you through it x
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Old 08-06-2012, 12:02 PM
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I haven't been there "before" but I am on day 65 right now. It's hard. It's really hard, but I WANT to be sober. I try to kick the "maybe I can drink" thoughts out right away with AVRT. I know that I simply can not moderate in any sense of the word. I keep thinking of all the terrible hangovers, the bad decisions, and the utter shame I used to feel when I was drinking. Now, my life gets better and better, and I want my life to always be this way. I wish you the best. Drinking will never be something that I get a long term good effect from.
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Old 08-06-2012, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by bounced View Post
Thanks, SlimSlim

I am not too sure if the "60 day" marker is what has done it (like it is fine working towards a milestone and great to celebrate it but then there is a deflated feeling a couple of days later).

Otherwise it is not having a long term view of myself as a "non drinker" so when I get to the point that I no longer have physical cravings then I revert to the "why am I doing this?" little voice.

Anyway, I am a very black and white person so "no alcohol" is a relatively easy option to follow. I start to have difficulties whenever I start thinking "well, maybe just some". There simply is no grey area for me. Then I start getting anxiety, stomach cramps, can't get the idea out of my head and I end up fighting with myself every few minutes about it. Eventually I get to the point where alcohol is going to make the feelings go away (and we all know where that leads).
Bounced:

Look at what you wrote highlighted in bold.

To me those statements are contradictory? You've got a conflict going on in your head. Seanie talked about AVRT...your addicted voice is the one who has planted the seed in your head with no long term view as a "non-drinker" and is whispering to you "Why am I doing this?"

Your rational voice, the one which thinks in black and white (which BTW, you need right now) says "no alcohol" is an easy option. Listen to that voice and shove the other one out of your head. Argue with it if you like, out loud if you have to...just make sure nobody else is around or the guys in white coats might come!!!

You've got a good head on your shoulders...learn to listen to yourself and be firm in your resolve.
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Old 08-06-2012, 01:06 PM
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I think you are on to something when you are talking about having a ”long term view of myself as a "non drinker". It’s that idea of ones identity or self. I remember when I stopped smoking I thought of myself as a “smoker” for several years after I quit. I just could not think of myself in any other way. I was a smoker who did not smoke (if that makes any sense). In the end I came to understand that I am not defined by what I do. “I am not my title” as someone so elegantly put it to me one day.

Quitting alcohol was different. I had a hard time in the 3-4 month range. I drank time after time during that difficult time window. It was not until a change in “me” (my identity) took place that the change stuck and I could get past 3-4 months. For me this involved the beginnings of a focus on the welfare of others to the complete exclusion of my self-interest. Initially this only happened for very brief intervals, and it’s the only thing I can point to that had changed in me (at the time). It had to do with a shift in values, a more fundamental (albeit extreemly brief) shift in my identity. In a sense, it was a sort of “letting go” of self. AA helped greatly in that regard.
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Old 08-06-2012, 01:20 PM
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cunning, baffling & powerful. it's always there as you say. i try not to think of how long i will make it to---1 year? 2 years? i just want to make it thru today....good thing is, after 16 months now, i no longer crave nor do i need a drink. i do go to aa meetings...usually 4 a week and that help keep me anchored. early on if i felt an urge, i called or talked to someone about it & found out it was normal....just had to find out how to deal with it. and i learned through listening to those with time and reading aa type literature. you can do it....just don't drink today.
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Old 08-06-2012, 01:36 PM
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I know what you mean by brick wall!!!
I hit one at sixty days, now one at 100 + days. I get through it by knowing that I'll feel differently throughout the day, and always better in the mornings. Up and down, up and down, but going forward :-)!!!
Well done on doing so well and hope you stick at it.
Good luck to us all
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Old 08-06-2012, 01:44 PM
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Hey everyone

Thanks so much to every one of you. There is a lot of positive energy here and, believe me, you have all been really influential on my future.

I am willing to try anything at this point but unfortunately AA is not really an option for me at the moment as I live abroad and the nearest english speaking AA meeting is a 6 hour drive.

I am interested in looking into AVRT as well. It is really good to see that the policy has changed here at SR because it seemed taboo about 2 years ago when I first looked in here.

The good news is that I am going to bed now, still sober, and tomorrow is another day. Thank you again for all your wise words. I hope I can help others as you have helped me.

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Old 08-06-2012, 01:59 PM
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I think most of us look at how good our life is going and we subconsciously or not equate our abstinence with control....I could add a drink or two into the mix and be ok!

I think all of us need to accept that any thought that suggests drinking is good idea is a lie.

We all have years of evidence to prove that to ourselves, if we care to look back.

That acceptance can be a long time coming tho...so supports important I think.

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach like RR or SMART etc.

D
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Old 08-06-2012, 02:14 PM
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I am interested in looking into AVRT as well. It is really good to see that the policy has changed here at SR because it seemed taboo about 2 years ago when I first looked in here.
I find that hard to imagine, bounced, but I have only been a member for a year here at SR and I don't have any history there. It is also strange since AVRT is nothing new, nothing fancy, not the idea of just one person, but the collected experience of self recovered drinkers . It is certainly my experience, and it's worked for me.

You can start by realizing that the voice that tells you, 'Maybe just one or two' is the voice of your addiction. That voice is helpless and needs you to feed it. You don't listen to it now because you will never drink again.
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Old 08-06-2012, 02:38 PM
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If anyone really wants an ancient history lesson PM Morning Glory

I wasn't on SR in those days

Otherwise I think it best we stick to bounced's story and what's happening now

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Old 08-06-2012, 02:48 PM
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I have gone through these Mind games /stages many times and still deo..You gotta ride it out, be bored,stare at a ceiling and be even more bored just let it pass.

If you go back to drinking how many years will it be before you get a Quit mindset again if ever, now thats scary.

Things Get Much much better, I promise.
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Old 08-06-2012, 03:42 PM
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Remember the pride of going over a week/month etc bring that feeling back, remember those first painful days or week remember them , you know it'll just end up as another list of hangovers and regrets within such a short time.
Stay clear and be proud you really deserve to.
John.
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Old 08-06-2012, 11:26 PM
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I woke up this morning with a really positive attitude.

I have realised that I was letting things slip a bit (little things like not doing any tai chi for about 2 weeks) and most probably because "not drinking" was becoming so much easier. I know I need to do a lot more than "not drink" and I am trying to explore a range of options including meditation. I think what got spooky was that I seem to be "treading water" while I try to find a set of longer term tools to get me through to the next level.

Apart from the odd 7 days here and 10 days there, the last time I had a really good opportunity like this was over 2 years ago so I know how important it is to not screw up (again).

Day 63
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