One for the road...not likely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Milton Keynes UK
Posts: 3
One for the road...not likely
Hello sober community,
what an acheivement it is to face up to your drinking problems and begin a new journey sober, in control of your actions, your thoughts and your desires, weaknesses. I have drank for over twenty years, maybe not as much as some and maybe more than others, the fact is I cannot continue to drink, as simple as that. I cannot have the one drink, I need to consume the whole bottle, even as I am drinking I hate myself as I know its going to kill me eventually. I haven't drank for two whole weeks, I am scared that I may have a relapse due to either a bad day at work/redundancy, relationship breakup, a death of a friend/pet. I can be very strong willed and at this point in time I look at alchohol as poison (which in large ammounts it is). But I fear that my guard will be let down momentarily and take that first drink, which will lead to another and another............
We are all here because we are in need to sober up, I applaud each and every one of you from a day off the booze to many years off of it. Its a long road, but reading many post's on this site and going to AA meeting's what strength we have as a community, that pill's and doctor's cannot fulfill. I am not knocking, doctor's, pill's, counselling or any help for that matter, its just as fellow sufferer's we understand each other right to the core of the demon drink.
I was away this weekend, the sun was shinining, walked on the beach, went back to the campsite, and bingo it hit me, everyone was having a b b que, this is when I would have a glass of wine/beer as everyone was doing. And I got so upset as I knew that I wound NEVER EVER be able to enjoy a glass of wine or beer ever again, that was hard to accept but that's the reality of it.
So I had a glass of apple juice with tonic water, (my new wine). I feel every day will get a little easier, I do have a lot of anger issues that I will deal with, as long as they do not make me drink. I know this is the road to recovery and a cobbly road for now but eventually it will become smooth and easy to walk on. I wish every one of you the strength, power, determination to be in control of the drink, not the drink control you, and thankyou all for being here for me as I am for you. Have a good day.
what an acheivement it is to face up to your drinking problems and begin a new journey sober, in control of your actions, your thoughts and your desires, weaknesses. I have drank for over twenty years, maybe not as much as some and maybe more than others, the fact is I cannot continue to drink, as simple as that. I cannot have the one drink, I need to consume the whole bottle, even as I am drinking I hate myself as I know its going to kill me eventually. I haven't drank for two whole weeks, I am scared that I may have a relapse due to either a bad day at work/redundancy, relationship breakup, a death of a friend/pet. I can be very strong willed and at this point in time I look at alchohol as poison (which in large ammounts it is). But I fear that my guard will be let down momentarily and take that first drink, which will lead to another and another............
We are all here because we are in need to sober up, I applaud each and every one of you from a day off the booze to many years off of it. Its a long road, but reading many post's on this site and going to AA meeting's what strength we have as a community, that pill's and doctor's cannot fulfill. I am not knocking, doctor's, pill's, counselling or any help for that matter, its just as fellow sufferer's we understand each other right to the core of the demon drink.
I was away this weekend, the sun was shinining, walked on the beach, went back to the campsite, and bingo it hit me, everyone was having a b b que, this is when I would have a glass of wine/beer as everyone was doing. And I got so upset as I knew that I wound NEVER EVER be able to enjoy a glass of wine or beer ever again, that was hard to accept but that's the reality of it.
So I had a glass of apple juice with tonic water, (my new wine). I feel every day will get a little easier, I do have a lot of anger issues that I will deal with, as long as they do not make me drink. I know this is the road to recovery and a cobbly road for now but eventually it will become smooth and easy to walk on. I wish every one of you the strength, power, determination to be in control of the drink, not the drink control you, and thankyou all for being here for me as I am for you. Have a good day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR alexis. I'm glad you're here. You'll find many supportive, understanding people on these boards who are always willing to help and share. SR has been such a fantastic source of inspiration for me and I don't know what I'd do without it. I hope you find what I've found here.
You sound very worried about drinking in the future... and worried, also, of not drinking in the future. Lots of people find the words 'never again' very difficult to come to terms with, and there are many different routes that people take when it comes to recovery. For many, they take it one day at a time - "I will not drink today" and they don't think of tomorrow, or ten years down the line. Others (myself included) prefer to think of this as an eternity thing. I realised that being able to say "I will never drink again" and mean it 100% was the most empowering thing, and for me, the beginning of my recovery. I was sober 2 months before I could really, truly mean that, and when I did - WHAM! My whole life seemed to start to fall into place. I accepted that there was going to be no point in my future which would allow for alcohol, and I accepted that this was the best decision I could ever make. That might not be right for you... but if you think it may be, check out AVRT (there's a crash course online - if you fancy it, search it in Google) I found it revolutionary.
Every day does get easier, Alexis... it just gets better and better. All the best to you on your sober journey.
You sound very worried about drinking in the future... and worried, also, of not drinking in the future. Lots of people find the words 'never again' very difficult to come to terms with, and there are many different routes that people take when it comes to recovery. For many, they take it one day at a time - "I will not drink today" and they don't think of tomorrow, or ten years down the line. Others (myself included) prefer to think of this as an eternity thing. I realised that being able to say "I will never drink again" and mean it 100% was the most empowering thing, and for me, the beginning of my recovery. I was sober 2 months before I could really, truly mean that, and when I did - WHAM! My whole life seemed to start to fall into place. I accepted that there was going to be no point in my future which would allow for alcohol, and I accepted that this was the best decision I could ever make. That might not be right for you... but if you think it may be, check out AVRT (there's a crash course online - if you fancy it, search it in Google) I found it revolutionary.
Every day does get easier, Alexis... it just gets better and better. All the best to you on your sober journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
Welcome Alexis
You've found a good place to be
I know it's scary to think about the future, but all you really need to do is what you did today - some days will be harder than others, sure, but no day will be impossible if you commit yourself and reach out for help when you need it.
Keep it up and you'll grow and change in way you never imagined.
Things will get easier
D
You've found a good place to be
I know it's scary to think about the future, but all you really need to do is what you did today - some days will be harder than others, sure, but no day will be impossible if you commit yourself and reach out for help when you need it.
Keep it up and you'll grow and change in way you never imagined.
Things will get easier
D
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Hi, Alexis, it's great to see you here! For me there was some grieving over what I saw as my lost drinking future. That tall crisp lager, a full bodied red, a complex peaty single malt, all gone. But... I realized that those days of alcohol enjoyment passed from my life a long time ago. Just like you, it was DRINK ALL THE THINGS!, all the time. There was no simple pleasure in alcohol left for me. Drinking or not, those days were gone for me.
Initially, I focused on the present, and vowed 'to never now drink', since I found that the idea of being sober in the present moment was something that I could do easily. After all, anybody can not drink for a moment. Later, I grew to like the knowledge that I never had to subject myself again to the misery I had been causing myself, the sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame, embarrassment, all gone for good. Forever.
There was a real feeling of freedom that came from this realization. Yes, there were some new associations that needed to be made, and having a bbq or a family get together, a restaurant meal, a camping trip, all sober, were different. I can see now what I was missing all the time, being as drunk as I was. There is a simpleness and serenity to these experiences that was missing then. I like it.
You can find a sobriety for yourself too that lets you just leave it behind you. You don't have to substitute drinking with pills, or group therapy, or a new spiritual existence. You can just quit.
I wish you the best, Alexis. Keep posting!
Initially, I focused on the present, and vowed 'to never now drink', since I found that the idea of being sober in the present moment was something that I could do easily. After all, anybody can not drink for a moment. Later, I grew to like the knowledge that I never had to subject myself again to the misery I had been causing myself, the sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame, embarrassment, all gone for good. Forever.
There was a real feeling of freedom that came from this realization. Yes, there were some new associations that needed to be made, and having a bbq or a family get together, a restaurant meal, a camping trip, all sober, were different. I can see now what I was missing all the time, being as drunk as I was. There is a simpleness and serenity to these experiences that was missing then. I like it.
You can find a sobriety for yourself too that lets you just leave it behind you. You don't have to substitute drinking with pills, or group therapy, or a new spiritual existence. You can just quit.
I wish you the best, Alexis. Keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Milton Keynes UK
Posts: 3
Thank you for your thoughts and kind words Freshstart57
,
One day at a time, has to be the way forward, and different situations that once involved alchohol now has to be acheived sober but still enjoyable. I am off to my fouth AA meeting this evening, I think physical contact with sober alchohlics also helps me through this difficult time at present.
Thanks again for you support and encouragement.
Alexis
,
One day at a time, has to be the way forward, and different situations that once involved alchohol now has to be acheived sober but still enjoyable. I am off to my fouth AA meeting this evening, I think physical contact with sober alchohlics also helps me through this difficult time at present.
Thanks again for you support and encouragement.
Alexis
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 117
Welcome! I drank for almost 20 years myself. Some days it does seem like a daunting task, never drinking again, but I try not to dwell on it and try to take it one moment at a time as suggested above.
"Not in my hand" is my current mantra. If there is a bottle, but it is not in my hand, I cannot pour wine into the glass. If somehow there is magically wine in a glass, but it is not in my hand, I cannot bring it to my lips.
As I am typing this, my AV has just reminded me of the existence of straws, but seriously, that just makes me laugh! Silly, clever AV....
I am glad you are here. SR is such a supportive place!
"Not in my hand" is my current mantra. If there is a bottle, but it is not in my hand, I cannot pour wine into the glass. If somehow there is magically wine in a glass, but it is not in my hand, I cannot bring it to my lips.
As I am typing this, my AV has just reminded me of the existence of straws, but seriously, that just makes me laugh! Silly, clever AV....
I am glad you are here. SR is such a supportive place!
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