JIreland

I am at breaking point....

I need help. I went to my doctor at 9.55am yesterday but he wouldn't treat me because he said he could smell alcohol on me from the night before.
I asked for help...

I am on cipralex (?) 20 mg and it's doing nothing.
I was on effexor 225mg before, but that made me crazy and I tried to jump from a balcony when I didn't have any..I will never go on it again...

Long story short, I was off alcohol for a few weeks, ended up in hospital because I felt, and feel, suicidal.

I was walking to a bar yesterday but turned back and went to an AA meeting (I have only been to a few)

Someone did something that really hurt me, my only vice was to drink again..that or suicide. Believe me...I thought about both a lot and alcohol was the best of the two, it was 1 or the other.
I have been depressed since I lost my place in the fire service because of e and wired shut for a long time...

someone attacking me and my jaw was brok
I waited so long trying not to drink but I felt so bad..I thought if I didnt get the alcohol...there was only 1 other option...I went just before the bar closed to get a carry out, the only reason being I didn't know if I could last the night without it.

So.....I don't know.
This is life?

hypochondriac

Sorry you're having such a rough time JIreland x

Have you thought about inpatient treatment before?

It sounds like you're in a bit of a catch 22 situation. Your meds prob won't work so well while you're drinking and drinking will certainly make depression worse. But it will take time and effort after getting sober before you will start to feel better. And then your doctor will be able to help you properly.

I'm really sorry you're struggling. Could you phone the Samaritans or Drinkline when you are feeling really bad? x

GirlFromCO

I'm with hypochondriac - maybe it's time to think about inpatient treatment? You sound like you're going through a lot right now.

Sasha4

I think drinking will just add to your bad feelings, not make them any better.

Why would your doctor not treat you? Did he explain?

Are there other doctors at the practice who you could make an appointment with who might understand more?

Can you be with any friends or family who can take care of you?
I think you need to surround yourself with friendship and love rather alcohol and strangers in a bar.

From what I remember this has been going on a while - the something awful that happened?
What options do you have to sort it out, make you feel better?
Can you recieve counselling?
Can you involve the police and press charges?

Be safe tonight. Stay on here and don't head out to buy booze. Take lots of care xxxx

CarolD

please take time to read this thread of yours...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3490886

Lot's of info and ideas that might help you during this difficult situation.
...i too think in patient is a good idea at this point.

Sorry to know you are depressed...alcohol did that to me too
for 5 years before I quit....

JIreland

Ahhhhhhhhhh

I dont believe it.....

I wrote such a long reply that took a long time and when I tried to post it said invalid threadId - the thread was moved to a different forum from mental health to newcomers...

Sorry but can't write everything again...I will just say thank you so much to everyone for the replies and I really appreciate the support.

I really had a detailed reply and answered everything rawr
Sorry for not replying to specific things

Dee74

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low, J.

I think what hypo said about the meds not working with the drinking is a really valid point.

You said there were 2 choices - drink or death. I think there's a lot more choices than that

Maybe it is time to think about some kind of inpatient treatment - just to get yourself sorted out and back on your feet again?

At least think about talking to someone - friend, family, GP, counsellor - or look into some recovery programmes?

Keep thinking about that third choice JIreland - getting help

Please do read the following link - there's some things that may help you.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

D

aussieblue

JIreland,I am so sorry your having such a hard time. I think you should try again to get some medical help but steer clear of adding alcahol with meds.Best wishes .

instant

There are choices even if you can't see them

Feelings hurt- they can distort the way we see things- and still hurt non the less

discouragement can keep us stuck

Bonnie1

J, are you from Ireland? Or are in Ireland?
I am in Co. Mayo, so maybe close to you.

Please message me and I will give you my contact details if that will help.
Feel free to get in touch, always willing to listen, as I have listened to people who have given me a helping hand when I have needed one.
Take Care X

Anna

I hope you try to get treatment that will help you to get through this tough time. As others have said there are more options than drinking or suicide. Please try to get the help you need.

JIreland

Sorry for replying so late again, I can't get the internet very often.

I was offered it today...I don't think it is something I really want to do, I would rather be out-patient..although I have been thinking about it.
I hate talking, I don't like being confined to a place and it would be in the country away from everything.
I know that is exactly what some people would like, but I like to be in a city atmosphere, I live in the very centre of my city.

I made a step of going to a priest 3 days ago, I talked to him, then he asked me to come back in the morning, I came back after going to mass (First time in a long time) and spoke with him, he arranged an appointment with an alcohol centre that I am going to on Monday morning, as an out-patient

I will have a look at that link just after posting, thanks Dee!

Hey Bonnie
I'm from and live in Derry City Thank you so much for your offer of help

I am so surprised at how nice everyone here is! I guess we can all understand how everyone else is feeling / felt at one stage.

Once again, thank you all for replying, you are helping

michelle01

I had some of my worst depressions after 'self medicating' with alcohol and truly wished that the earth would swallow me up. The doctor's reaction and lack of understanding when you were in need... that makes my gut churn.

Take care of yourself and I'm glad that you are still okay.

silly

I don't know Ireland... given the suicidal thoughts and depression issues I think an inpatient environment can treat you better. Outpatient, at least in my experience, isn't going to give you much (if any) medical attention. Maybe a psychologist once a week, a psychiatry referal but nobody to help monitor your medication, make adjustments as needed, etc.
I could be wrong. I went to OP in the US. I went to Hazelden which is supposed to be one of the best. And that was just my experience.

Just something to think about!

candi7

I'm sorry you have been through so much, keep going to those meeting and get as many phone numbers as you can. Someone will answer or call you back... I keep calling till someone answers... And if you don't have one get a sponsor-it's also another life saver... Mine said she'd drive me to the hospital if I felt like suicide again. These people are willing to take you to meetings if you can't drive too... don't give up-you'll never see how life can get much better if you give up... Sorry about your job and jaw. I got fired from the last 2 jobs, one of which was in my normal trade-I feel screwed, but I'll take a waitressing job if I have to-anything would be nice at this point.. Many of us suffer like you, stay with us-we all need each other!

SSIL75

Welcome back again. You are young and smart. I have no doubt you can turn this around and be an inspiration to others. Your life is not meant to be a cautionary tale.

You are destined for great things. I have felt that from your first posts and feel it now. But you have to FIGHT. I sometimes got through 5 minutes just doing 'the next right thing'. On autopilot driving with my 3 kids to the gym to blast eminent and run even though it's the last thing I wanted to do.

It's worth it. YOU'RE worth it

Dee74

really glad to hear from you Jreland

D

Aysha

Im sorry you feel that way. I have felt that way many times and even attempted the latter. I couldnt even do that right.
I will tell it isnt the answer or the only other choice.
Please dont take this wrong but you were saying in your OP that there was no other choice. Well another wonderful gift of a choice was offered to you and you had quite a few reasons why that choice didnt suit you.
We cant be picky when it comes to life and death. So I guess its back to just drinking as your choice? I pray not. There are a plethera of choices out there. But its up to you to make the move and the choice. Please dont ever pick the everlasting one we can never take back.
Good luck and please dont take my post too harshly. It is not meant to be.

JIreland

I just registered this...reading this thread has given me the first smile of all day.

I have been staying at home all day, both because of working online to start up a new business and I also don't want to go out to bars where my friends are, I am not ready to go to a bar and not drink yet.

It isn't at all, I need that plus a little kick up the a.. to make it stick in my mind

I am doing a lot of reading on here

aussieblue

Thanks for checking in,keep reading and keep posting.