tswhite

Man, you are going through some serious stuff. you situation is going to get better. just continue to hang in there. you are in my prayers.

auden67

The turn around in your attitude made me smile! Keep posting, we are here for you and understand!

Threshold

Hi Ireland!

I know exactly the conundrum you described in your opening post...there were times when I felt like it was drink and drug....or suicide. And early on, before I had any other options at my disposal, that may actually have been true.

The thing about options is...that they are only options if we recognize them as such. Your choice to go to an AA meeting rather than a bar probably wasn't an option awhile ago, now AA meetings are a tool you can use.

When I got suicidal I learned this...be very careful who I call or talk to about it. Sometimes the people on my call list were NOT good choices. Suicide is a loaded issue for many people, and for many, perhaps MOST people, their own feelings and past experiences heavily influence their ability to respond.

I have found that calling suicide hotlines has been a better course than calling people who's experiences I have no knowledge of. The people at the hotlines are trained to stay calm and talk me through it, to help me see where my tender spots are and to come up with a legitimate solution...in the moment, as well as some longer term options.

When I've called regular people in my life and they don't respond the way I wish they would, or they don't make me feel better, that sense of "no one understands, everyone judges me" can send me spiraling.

The reaction in me of "I'll show them" or "Now I need to prove how badly I feel, or how serious I am" has led to all sorts of stupid on my end.

Drinking when I've been suicidal has led to all sorts of stupid on my end as well, so I don't suggest it. Once it seemed like my only option, now, thank goodness I know better.

Good plan, for me, is to identify and make a list of things I am willing and able to do if I get suicidal, when I am NOT suicidal. Then I can check my list and not have to get creative when I am in crisis.

Last time I called a suicide hotline, it was suggested to me to get online and watch some funny videos...sounds stupid, but it helped.

JIreland

I hope other people really think about this.
It is just too much for other people to deal with...

I told 2 people, my girlfriend of a few years and my best friend of around 3-4 years.

It was a huge mistake. They told a lot of people...something I thought would never happen with either.
It was too much for them, that made me a lot worse with people knowing that I didn't want to know.
I wanted some personal support from the 2 people closest to me.

I really feel like both let me down...I have been trying to deal with this for a long time and decided I had to talk to some people in private and just between us.

Trust is a huge thing for me....I lost all trust in the 2 people that were number 1 and 2 in my life that I felt I could talk to, the only people I thought I could talk to.


I have come to fully understand that people don't understand this problem at all until they experience it.
I didn't when my ex girlfriend felt it..I tried my best to comfort, but I couldn't understand at all.

I don't think anyone can say they understand what someone in this state of mind feels without being through it, books can only teach so much...

I know this is a personal thing to you, things that helped you, but if you have that list on your computer, I would really like to read it if possible.
I have another thread I started a few days ago asking what people do when they are not drinking as that is a very big problem for me...I have nothing to do and it is...making me feel bad really.
Any ideas at all would be great

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN

Aysha

You sound like a new person. Wow am I relieved. I have to admit, I was worried there. I was a little hesitant on posting my OP because I would have felt so terrible if I pushed you away from here. Thank goodness you know how to take critism. I agree, for me its been that honest blunt reality people have shown me that has always been what I needed. It has pissed me off many times, but thats what its suppose to do for me. Then it makes a lasting impression, keeps me stewing in it and thinking about it until I get it.
I am glad you sound so mych better. Keep reading and posting.