Can't change plans
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Keep Trying
Posts: 370
Can't change plans
Have dinner plans tonight. Dont know these people too well but know they like wine as do I! I almost cannot say no tonight. How can I get thru this? Can't change plans now. Feeling great anxiety and need to drink! Sorry to ask for support as I know others are really hurting right now with their situations. So much need out there. I pray for everyones struggles.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Plan ahead what you're going to order for a drink and practice saying it and stuck to it. Anyone asks, you're just over a bug or your on a new med or you have too much to do early tomorrow morning or you're just on a health kick. They don't need anything more than that.
"Play the tape through... To the point where you say or do stupid regrettable thing, to the poor where you wake up tomorrow kicking yourself and with a headache and nausea. Even if these things dont happen this time, drinking tonight sets you up for it very soon. That is not worth drinking just because you're uncomfortable not drinking with them
You can do this. You deserve to do this. You will be so happy and proud tomorrow morning!!
"Play the tape through... To the point where you say or do stupid regrettable thing, to the poor where you wake up tomorrow kicking yourself and with a headache and nausea. Even if these things dont happen this time, drinking tonight sets you up for it very soon. That is not worth drinking just because you're uncomfortable not drinking with them
You can do this. You deserve to do this. You will be so happy and proud tomorrow morning!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
I dunno... I know I cant hit a patio with a bunch of friends drinking beer but heh, I am going to really enjoy my tennis league tonight and dinner afterwards. Do you really have to go to this "dinner"?
Remember where you were:
Remember where you were:
Originally Posted by NewHouse2012 
Hi There. I am new to the forum but have been viewing it for several weeks now. Today is May 1st 2012 and this is the day I have vowed to myself to stop drinking. I am not sure how long I will last but I have told close family that I will stop for one year to see how my life has changed. This seems so incredibly hard for me. I am an alcoholic. Wow. I just actually typed it. I also am a binge drinker. Can stop for weeks at a time, but once the cravings come, and I get started I just cant stop and usually embarrass myself and pass out. This has been happening close to 15 years. I am so nervous to say any of this-especially to complete strangers but I need support. When I try to quit on my own, I just fall back into the binge cycle. I knew today was the day I was going to quit, so been on a bender for about four days now. Today is the day it has to end. For my family. For me. I feel so lost and lonely on these HO days, but what really scares me is that once I start feeling better I will want to go back to that old familiar feeling again. The feeling of escape, numbness, and fun (or a sick and twisted type of fun which is hurting me in the end). Does anyone have any suggestions to get through the first couple of months? I am so afraid of AA because I am very private and would be mortified if anyone knew I had this problem. I know that AA is anonymous, but I am sure people talk and word will get out at some point. Also, how do you all go to functions and parties and explain to people who know that you drink casually that you don't wish to have alcohol without telling them you are a recovering alcoholic? This seems so simple but is so hard-it's a terrible thing, this seductive poison.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
This also sticks out like a sore thumb... I am worried for you (edited out the fluff):
Originally Posted by NewHouse2012
they like wine as do I! I need to drink!
Originally Posted by NewHouse2012
Have dinner plans tonight. Dont know these people too well but know they like wine as do I! I almost cannot say no tonight. How can I get thru this? Can't change plans now. Feeling great anxiety and need to drink! Sorry to ask for support as I know others are really hurting right now with their situations. So much need out there. I pray for everyones struggles.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Do you have a smartphone? I keep this site up on my phone at all times and have definitely snuck away to the bathroom and peeked at others posting. Knowing people understand what I'm going through at just that moment. You can absolutely do this. Not worth it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I had to play host at a dinner party type thing twice in early recovery (work thing so I couldn't get out of it) so I know how you feel Newhouse. It was vile and I hated being there. The smell of alcohol made me feel ill but I had to encourage everyone to drink, make sure they had enough wine etc...
When I got through that sober I was so proud of myself though. You can do this. I just told people I wasn't drinking but feel free to create a little back story...antibiotics/diet/pregnant/sudden wine allergy... You can totally get through this. You don't need to drink. Let us know how you get on x
When I got through that sober I was so proud of myself though. You can do this. I just told people I wasn't drinking but feel free to create a little back story...antibiotics/diet/pregnant/sudden wine allergy... You can totally get through this. You don't need to drink. Let us know how you get on x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
You always have the right to change plans. I didn't go out to any social type thing where drinking was the focus for the first 5/6 months of getting sober. It's life & death. In my case I had to put what's best for me first. We all have the option to cancel social outings. It's ok.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Keep Trying
Posts: 370
Update. I didnt drink and am very happy about that. I really can attribute it to the posts I received here. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support. No one said anything about me not drinking and neither did I. This is hard though, I mean is it unadvisable to put yourself in drinking situations for the first six months? I have to change my routines I guess, but I can't not be around drinking because it is everywhere. Truly everywhere I look. Thank you so much SR. I feel indebted to you tonight.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
i think that it is really up to the individual to decide which situations should be avoided and when.
for me, it is much harder to be alone at home and not drink, rather than being out even around people who are drinking. being around people reminds me of positive things and why i cannot drink: good relationships with good people. friendships and good times that were avoided many times because i was too f'd up to get off the couch to meet with friends, go to the gym, to the beach, do some fun activity, all in all just to live my life.
to me these reminders are necessary, they make me stronger.
... but as everyone is different your mileage will vary. still, i don't think there's any rule that can be written in stone (other than the one that states "do not drink, no matter what"). the rest is for you to decide.
for me, it is much harder to be alone at home and not drink, rather than being out even around people who are drinking. being around people reminds me of positive things and why i cannot drink: good relationships with good people. friendships and good times that were avoided many times because i was too f'd up to get off the couch to meet with friends, go to the gym, to the beach, do some fun activity, all in all just to live my life.
to me these reminders are necessary, they make me stronger.
... but as everyone is different your mileage will vary. still, i don't think there's any rule that can be written in stone (other than the one that states "do not drink, no matter what"). the rest is for you to decide.
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Location: Dancing in the Light
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I'm glad you made it through the dinner.
But, I disagree with you that drinking is everywhere. It's not, not at all. When we're drinking and trying to stop, it seems that way, but you can choose activities, lifestyle, daily routines that don't involve being around alcohol.
But, I disagree with you that drinking is everywhere. It's not, not at all. When we're drinking and trying to stop, it seems that way, but you can choose activities, lifestyle, daily routines that don't involve being around alcohol.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
I am so so happy for you! I did not do anything related to drinking for a little while. I'm now at a point where I can go out and do any sober activities. I try to only be around drinking with people I trust and who know my desire to stay sober. I don't think I'll ever go to a beerfest or a brewery tour. This is your one life and you deserve to only do things that will better you or keep you on the right path. Great work tonight! Revel on your non-hungover morning tomorrow!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
newhouse2012,
Well, after a heck of a week I decided to log on and I am so glad I did. Yay for you! You put a smile on my face. I am almost a year sober now, and for me the momentum built every day I didn't drink (not that it was easy). Forge ahead!
Well, after a heck of a week I decided to log on and I am so glad I did. Yay for you! You put a smile on my face. I am almost a year sober now, and for me the momentum built every day I didn't drink (not that it was easy). Forge ahead!
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Great job NewHouse!! It wasn't easy. It probably felt weird. Your AV was probably screaming in your ear the entire night. Yet you resisted because you had faith in yourself. That's a great feeling!
I agree on SR on a smartphone. I've clicked on while sitting on an outdoor deck at a bar surrounded by happy drinkers. They thought I was checking messages. I was really fighting the AV with all the powers that I could come up with (and it worked, thank you guys)
I agree on SR on a smartphone. I've clicked on while sitting on an outdoor deck at a bar surrounded by happy drinkers. They thought I was checking messages. I was really fighting the AV with all the powers that I could come up with (and it worked, thank you guys)
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Keep Trying
Posts: 370
Hi there one less. I am feeling pretty good today. Thank you so much for checking in. I slept very deeply and it felt restorative. I am so glad I didn't drink last night. Thanks for all the words of support. Meant the world to me.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
In the same situation tonight. I have to go. Dinner out for my partner's father's birthday. Boy do they drink. It's not the dinner part that worries me. It's everything that comes after. Because we can never just eat, linger a bit and go. We have to eat, linger for HOURS and then leave but only after partner's sister begs for us to stay longer for another drink. Tonight I'm going to eat, stay for a polite period after, request sister to give partner a ride home and go. I know I'll get evil eyes from a few in the family but enough is enough. I'm tired of it! And if my partner is upset that I duck out "early", well, that will be a whole other discussion.
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