I'm not so sure about this Suki. I don't really know, because I'm like you, never abused anything but alcohol. But that's because I couldn't trust myself to ever do drugs. Even prescription drugs I have avoided like the plague.

I know quite a few people who abuse drugs and alcohol but say stuff like, 'If I could only give up..(insert naughty drug here)..everything would be okay'. To me that is a bit like saying 'If I could only give up drinking vodka everything will be okay' (now that one I do know something about). We all know how that one turns out.

I feel for your situation Aeo. But I would have to agree that if it wasn't a problem you wouldn't have to think about it. You wouldn't have to read recovery books or go to meetings if it wasn't a problem because you would just be able to stop drinking.

Regarding the 90 days...I don't think that really matters, I think it's just because the first 3 months are the toughest. Just think, if you stay sober, things will only get better :) x

Aeo,

Why would your therapist tell you you are an alkie when you only drink on the weekends and don't have an issue with just drinking one or two? Maybe they felt it was better to stay off all intoxicants because of the pain pill addiction? For me I quit all drugs and even weed at this point, because they may affect my sobriety from alcohol. Also there is the danger of replacing one addiction for another in my case. Not saying I will never smoke weed again in my life. I was never addicted at all, but for now(maybe a year or so) it just isn't a good idea. I need a clear head. I may never do it again. I don't worry about that because I can take it or leave it.

Maybe you are not an alcoholic. IDK and you don't seem to know :) For me living without alcohol this past 8 weeks has been the absolute hardest yet most rewarding thing I have ever done.

Congrats too on quiting the pain pills :)

This is overly simplistic, even if it is strictly true. The implication here is that only those without a drinking problem can ever quit drinking and move on. Or, no one with a drinking problem can ever 'quit and move on'. If this is what is being suggested, it is false. Wrong. Incorrect.

If a Doctor tells you to quit drinking, you are a problem drinker already. If alcohol is not causing any issues for you, your Dr. will not tell you to quit.

In any case, most people, problem drinkers, heavy drinkers, alcoholics and just regular folks, when told by their Dr. to stop drinking, do exactly that. More effective than any other means of quitting the booze. The case can be easily made that the Doctor's order is 5 times more effective than any other method. http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...-2/131-142.pdf

There is a good reason that Dee tells newcomers to see a Doctor.

IMHO 90 days is still baby steps on the road to sobriety , give yourself a good year to let the emotions and thoughts sort themselves out.

Why not do another 90? Rinse and Repeat.

We've been through a lot of threads together aeo :)

I watched you grow and become happier and more at peace.
I have no doubt that's down to the work you've been doing :)

I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not - but I know alcohol's been part of your story, maybe not always at centre stage, but it's been there as a regular player.

That to me suggests you need to really challenge these thoughts in your head....fight for your future A :)

D

Why would you go back to drinking?
 

Although others have already addressed this, I'm zeroing in on this quote, because I have begun asking myself, "What if I could go back to drinking with no negative consequences?" Would I do it? Why?

98% of the time I know that the answer is "no." Then there's the 2% of the time that my AV pops up like the cartoon devil on my shoulder and says "Why not go for it? You can control it most of the time."

But even if my AV was right about this - - he's not - - the question remains, why? After all of the troubles it's caused us (or at least been associated with) why do we think we need alcohol in our lives?

Thanks everyone for your posts. To be honest, my main motivation for not drinking right now is the new diet plan I am doing to lose the 20 pounds that alcohol, pot, and late night eating put on. I guess right now if it's health and weight loss keeping me sober good enough. I did put in a call to my sponsor.

These wishy washy feelings are awful. I hate them. I feel like I will never be able to accept I'm an alcoholic, yet I really don't want to start drinking again just to prove to myself I either am one, or I'm not one. I don't want a beer with dinner...I want to go out with my friends and get hammered. I don't want a vodka cranberry after a shift at work- I want the bartender to fill me up with a cup of vodka and splash of lime- half way through my shift. This past year I would go into the garage fridge for a swig of vodka. Once you do that can you ever go back to how you were 6 months before that?

A year ago right now my drinking wasn't that bad. 6 months ago I was buying airline bottles to have around.

I almost had my husband buy a bottle of malibu tonight, but I didn't want to throw off my calories for the day. Also, I thought malibu would be better than my usual vodka bc it has a less % of alcohol. Then I thought if I just stay away from vodka i will be fine...then I thought about the guy adding milk to his whiskey in the big book and realized how crazy my thoughts were.

It seems like weight loss (and hopefully, your overall health) are motivators for you to stay sober. I would hold on to that. After just over a week I am noticing more muscle and less flab on my frame. I am enjoying yet another benefit to kicking the habit!

aeo, that only led me to drinking more. You are worth staying stopped. No telling what the alcohol will lead to, hun. You'd be searching for your drug of choice, even though you said "no more" of that!

Stay sober, switch up meetings or just get through those steps!

It sure isn't any fun but it is normal.

Acceptance rarely happens overnight. In my experience, it's possible to have acceptance one moment and the next, not so much.

Try to focus on what matters. Try not be reactionary to every emotion you have. That's something I'm getting better at but I have to work on it everyday.

90 days is when your brain chemistry starts functioning again instead of depending on artificial stimulants: scientists

Last night I was seriously thinking of drinking. Two years agao that would have meant having a beer at the restraunt where I work after my shift. Last night I wanted a vodka soda in a kid cup during my shift. That's not "social" drinking. Went over to my neighbor's after work who had a bonfire and he offered me a beer but I said no. I didn't want one stupid beer...I wanted a 12 pack sitting next to me. I know in my heart I have passed the "normal" drinking stage but it's so hard to admit this to myself.

Why am I so clear on this sometimes (like right now) and yesterday had myself convinced I could drink again and so what about consequences. Luckily I am not acting on every urge that flies through my brain.

Honestly, what I wanted last night was to escape responsible me and go wild. I wanted to get wasted at my neighbor's, drunk dial people, flirt like crazy with him (yes, I know I'm married), eat junk food, and have a vacation from myself. Those vacations from myself leave me a depressed, suicidal, wreck the next day. In reality I sat outside at the fire and played with the dogs, came in and watched a movie with my husband, and woke up clear headed which was good bc I had to make an emergency run to my husbands work bc his contact tore.

Aeo... if you'd have asked me four months ago if I'd be happy with the way my life is right now, I'd have said "God, no, how terribly boring and mundane" and would have swore I would never end up like that. I seemed to have some personality trait that meant all I wanted to do was rebel... rebel against myself, my husband, my parents, his parents, the whole damn world... I believed that getting blind drunk was who I was and it was my right - I didn't think about the damage it caused to my body, my mind, or the lives of those who love me. All I was thinking about was that right at that very second, I'd had enough of this sh!tty world and I wanted to get out of it. I knew that I'd feel like death the next morning, but right at that very moment I couldn't have cared less... because it was my time to zone out and so I was going to do it. 4 months later and I don't drink, I don't smoke, I take pleasure in doing 'boring' things like housework, walking the dog, every day mundane stuff that all I wanted to do was escape from before. I guess I'm telling you all this because I can see myself in you when you say that you wanted to escape responsible you and just go wild... because I think that is COMPLETELY spot on. I was terrified of responsibility, back then. My drinking was a way of me escaping all of that. Having a vacation from myself was also right up there.

All I can say is that things do change with time, but I do know that the reason why I'm OK with how things are now is that I've accepted it... and (this is not supposed to sound mean at all) I don't think you have. I don't think anything can make someone accept that their future can not include alcohol at all... I think it has to come from within.

Wanting to escape from yourself, or take a vacation as you put it, is a sign of not being happy with how things are in your life (I'm only saying this because that was true for me, forgive me if that's not how it is with you) and taking away alcohol does not fix everything... it makes it easier to fix things, but the problems just seem bigger because we can't hide from them. Drinking won't make any of that better, it just allows us to forget them for a while.

I'm glad you didn't drink last night and I hope things get better really soon.

Perfect!! You know me!! And you are right- I haven't accepted it. Yet, I just got done vacuuming and cleaning and thinking how much more hours I have in the day now that I'm not spending my Sundays hung over!!

I'm not thrilled with how my life is right now, but most of it is out of my control. I work two jobs and my husband is waiting tables bc he hasn't been able to find a full time teaching job. I know even that doesn't sound that bad- bc we both are working- it's just not how I expected our lives to be 15 years into our marriage.

I have signed up for a 5k nighttime glow run in two weeks and next month I am doing a 5k mud run...so I am trying to encorporate "exciting" into my sober life.

It just sucks being responsible ALL THE TIME. I'm a 36 yo wife and mom- that's my job though.

Thanks for understanding

I think that's the thing... changing what we view as exciting and thrilling... because for so long all of that has been centred around drinking and so we just associate excitement with being drunk and feel like life isn't fun any more if alcohol isn't included in it. I'm not one for exercise (though I do love a bit of badminton!) so running isn't for me... but I'm glad you're doing something that gives you a buzz. I think another thing is that I've accepted that life is OK without that instant buzz... like I don't really need to get all WOOHOO about things any more - I do still find lots of pleasure in things, but I try to remind myself that seeking major highs is not always necessary to be happy... and when I find that I'm starting to feel in need of that crazy excitement I remind myself that being calm beats being crazy any day.

I can understand that working 2 jobs and having your husband not be able to find a job that suits his qualifications could be incredibly frustrating and not be what you had in mind when you imagined your future, but like you say those things are out of your control right now... and all we can ever do is make the most of what we have. There's no harm in wanting more for ourselves and working towards a better life but what really matters is what we have right now (I know this sounds like philosophical rubbish but it works for me when I'm feeling down) and being positive is a sure way of getting what we want in the future... negativity solves or creates nothing but more negativity.

Good luck on the runs!! Hugs.

MrsKing- you have made my day with your words! Btw- I am not a runner...I've never ran more that 2.5 miles at a time! My 5k will consist of me walk/jogging and gossiping with my friend whose doing it with me! I just wanted to do it bc there is a DJ along the route with great music and we get to dress ourselves up in the glow in the dark stuff! There is a huge beer garden at the end, but I will leave that to my friend!

This is good. I always said that if I acted on every thought that went through my head I'd be in serious trouble!

I think it's worth mentioning that it is okay to not feel okay. To not feel secure in our sobriety or happy in our life. I have doubts about not drinking sometimes. I'm pretty sure that will always come and go. And the stuff I'm not happy about I have the option of working on now, rather than just drinking to ignore them. I don't think anything magical is going to happen at any point in recovery. Maybe it's just a constant work in progress x

OK, I could probably deal with that ;) sounds REALLY fun, in fact!