So what do you think will happen?
 

So what do you think will happen?

I get up and ask that question a lot!

There are the standard things I might consider. Big things like will I die today? I ask that to keep me on my toes.

But for me and my drinking and drugging it's got to stay small. Like what will come my way today that will challenge my newly formed mindset?

Fridays? Huh.... Used to be my best friend. Best things happen on Friday.

Get out of work early. Hit the dealer or bar early. Meet friends.... Druggies... Early. Oh yeah... All the best things happen on Fridays.

So what do you think will happen today says the middle aged guy to himself?

It doesn't matter really. I need to continue to grow to the point that what ever happens... Happens. It has no direct correlation to drinking or drugging.

Others here say it all the time. When I take drink out from being the center of my thinking and life then nothing happens that affects it. It's no longer the target. What ever I put at the center will become the new target.

And right now that's me and my abstinence!

Ahhhhhh.......

Keep posting, Weasel! Your journey is inspiring!!

Fridays can be fun without the drink and drugs. It's true!!
I've finally discovered that x
Love your posts Ken, keep 'em coming xxx

Thanks both!


Jeni... Happy 1000th post! that's a sign of nothing less that a comimitment to you and those you support.... Like me. Thank you!

And sugar? Really? 6000! Thanks also!

Oh wow! I didn't realise!!
Shows how much I continue to need SR!xxx

Speaking of what do you think will happen.... I got called into my bosses boss today. She has never met privately with me in two years. I had an hour before the impromptu meeting.

Yikes!

She wanted to meet and discuss how I was doing. If you recall last Friday this very moment I was unable to get up from my desk because I had done myself in the last two days. I was out last Thursday and not able to form sentences Friday at work.

She gave me nothing but glowing comments. My work. My attitude. My interactions with people. A promotion is on the horizon.

Really?

So you know what happens?

Drinking would have made me unable to see nor appreciate what was said to me today.

Not because of a cloudy head or blurry eyes. But because my heart would not have been open to good things being said about me. My shame would have preceded me to the point I was not even in the room.

That's what happens!

Weasel, I'm so glad you had that experience! A big reward for all your hard work at recovery and at work! Very insightful about the shame preceding you into the room. I would guess most alcoholics are so used to feeling shame that they can't see the positives. If you are a perfectionist alcoholic it's even worse.
I was like that at work too. I could have a very productive week filled with great interactions and accomplishments and I'd be focusing on the couple of mornings I was hungover and the guilt over that. I'd work triple time to make up for it too.

Now that I don't have to worry all the time about being a fully functioning alcoholic (heaven forbid I was a slacker because then I really WOULD be an alcoholic right?) I'm afraid I'm thinking so clearly I'm going to wake up to the reality that I really want a new career and am really sick of the one I'm in lol

I can relate to what you all write. The guilt of drinking left my work life a cesspool of shame and paranoia. My first days of sobriety have been full of insights that I could not see before. I am ready to feel good about my hard work again. I also look forward to renegotiating boundaries with nosy co-workers. It will be much easier to do not being ashamed to be around them!

I think you'll continue to find new best things, even better than the old ones, and certainly way more satisfying. Congrats on the recognition, and on being open to it. And thanks for sharing that. I know exactly what you mean about the bubble of shame. For me, that was maybe the worst part of it all. Shame is a lonesome burden. And it's one of the many reasons I do not miss the drinking life. :)

Its kind of a shame that shame is so relate-able. But I find that I cannot get around it so going through it helps. Its a painful emotion for me. I have been cringing a lot over the last few weeks. I think of things from even years ago and get very uncomfortable with what I did or said.

Today I see some family sober. I doubt I will like them any more than I did not drunk.

Lets see what happens huh?

Hi Ken

I've just started to read 'The power of now' by tolle.

It's meant to be very powerful at letting the past go, trying not to worry about the future but live for now and enjoy today.

I can't recommend it(YET!) as only just started it but many others on here have recommended it. It may help you.

Remember you are a man on a path of growth and change now, you were that person but now you are so much greater , greater hope , greater experience and greater compassion .

If i want to build more compassion and understanding for someone i look for the pain in their life, everyone has it, some are more fearful of it than others, some cannot cope and live in denial .

Ultimately we'll all be dead in 50/60 years so all argument ends .

Enjoy today as much as you can, M

Thanks! I will enjoy today as my heart is open. I did my meditations and relaxing.

I must sound like I live in the past a lot. Maybe I don't realize just how much. I do use it to define me and I see more today than ever. So I will take a look at the book. And live for today today.

Keep posting and congratulations on your journey in sobriety. Yeah when we focus our attention on ourselves its amazing on what we see. We see where we are going, no more shooting in the dark, no more getting in the car not knowing where it will end up (well we do know), accepting responsibility, and most of all enloying life!
Today no matter what I am facing whether its family, troubles, or whatever; I don't have to drink over it! Before I knew no better, today because I asked for help I was shown a better way of living. We can be grateful for what we have today!
The Power of Now was an awesome book, a definete go get the book and read. This book has allot to offer of alcoholics or even toolos when our minds want to start racing!
It is good to read your posts and God bless you on your journey!!!