New guy here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
New guy here
Hi everyone,
I stumbled upon this forum when I searched for "functional alcoholic", which I think I am.
I have a great life on the outside - two kids, a beautiful wife, 2 cars, nice home in a great neighborhood, no debt. I also have a bad habit of sneaking drinks behind everyone's back. I drink beer to get through the work day and lie to my wife when she smells my breath at the end of the day.. I've been caught so many times, but continue to do it. My wife has zero trust in me, and has told me she will leave me if it continues (which is really scaring me). I have tried AA, and for the past few months have been going to 'strategy groups' to learn how to cope with my problem.. it usually helps for a week or so, but then I just go and buy some beers again and the whole thing resets to zero.
To be honest, I didn't think I had a problem. I know I can quit if I really want to, but I keep going back to it to relieve job and kid raising stress. But now.. with my wife threatening to leave me, I know how serious it is.. I have to stop.. I hope this forum can help.
Thanks for listening to me ramble..
MrCoolMcAwesome
I stumbled upon this forum when I searched for "functional alcoholic", which I think I am.
I have a great life on the outside - two kids, a beautiful wife, 2 cars, nice home in a great neighborhood, no debt. I also have a bad habit of sneaking drinks behind everyone's back. I drink beer to get through the work day and lie to my wife when she smells my breath at the end of the day.. I've been caught so many times, but continue to do it. My wife has zero trust in me, and has told me she will leave me if it continues (which is really scaring me). I have tried AA, and for the past few months have been going to 'strategy groups' to learn how to cope with my problem.. it usually helps for a week or so, but then I just go and buy some beers again and the whole thing resets to zero.
To be honest, I didn't think I had a problem. I know I can quit if I really want to, but I keep going back to it to relieve job and kid raising stress. But now.. with my wife threatening to leave me, I know how serious it is.. I have to stop.. I hope this forum can help.
Thanks for listening to me ramble..
MrCoolMcAwesome
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Welcome! I think many people land here because they NEED to quit, not because they WANT to quit (but with some of us it's both). I think if you have to drink to get through the work day you either have a drinking problem or need a new job. There are lots of methods besides AA if that didn't work well for you. Lots of good info and support here 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR MrCoolMcAwesome
I always thought I could quit if I wanted to as well, until I got to the point when I really wanted to stop and found that I couldn't
It's not nice to get to that point when we realise that it really is a problem.
It sounds like your wife is fully aware that you have a problem. It is just a shame that you are not convinced yet as I think it is harder to quit 'for' someone else.
The whole thing with quitting drinking (for me) is to learn how to cope with stress without just turning to alcohol. Other people deal with very stressful situations and manage not to turn to drink. For some people the realisation that drinking really is a problem for them comes when everything is perfect and stress free yet they still continue to drink.
I'm sure you'll find lots of great information and support here x
I always thought I could quit if I wanted to as well, until I got to the point when I really wanted to stop and found that I couldn't
It's not nice to get to that point when we realise that it really is a problem.It sounds like your wife is fully aware that you have a problem. It is just a shame that you are not convinced yet as I think it is harder to quit 'for' someone else.
The whole thing with quitting drinking (for me) is to learn how to cope with stress without just turning to alcohol. Other people deal with very stressful situations and manage not to turn to drink. For some people the realisation that drinking really is a problem for them comes when everything is perfect and stress free yet they still continue to drink.
I'm sure you'll find lots of great information and support here x
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome MrCool -
I guess you could say I was a functioning alcoholic as well..... Looking back, I think I was just making sure no one knew I had a problem. As long as I did what I had to do, I figured I could justify my drinking.
The problem is that, over time, it gets worse. It eventually starts to erode us from the inside out. I feel like I got my soul back when I quit drinking.
I'm really glad you're here - it's way too hard to do this alone.
I guess you could say I was a functioning alcoholic as well..... Looking back, I think I was just making sure no one knew I had a problem. As long as I did what I had to do, I figured I could justify my drinking.
The problem is that, over time, it gets worse. It eventually starts to erode us from the inside out. I feel like I got my soul back when I quit drinking.
I'm really glad you're here - it's way too hard to do this alone.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
What's a non-functional alcoholic look like? (my answer: six feet under) I've yet to meet a non-functioning alcoholic. Some make more money than others, but all are functioning! 
Welcome to SR!
Glad you are here!
Lots of support is here!!
Not sure how you tried AA. The solution is in working the steps of recovery. Not the meetings.... that's where you find a sponsor to guide you through the steps. Have you read about Rational Recovery, AVRT, SMART, SOS or Life Ring?
Welcome to SR!
Glad you are here!
Lots of support is here!!
Not sure how you tried AA. The solution is in working the steps of recovery. Not the meetings.... that's where you find a sponsor to guide you through the steps. Have you read about Rational Recovery, AVRT, SMART, SOS or Life Ring?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Welcome, MrCool. Congratulations on your decision to seek help for your struggles with alcohol. I urge you to stick with sobriety and not to wait until you lose what's important to you! You'll find a lot of supportive people in these forums. Best wishes to you in your recovery. ~b
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Welcome aboard.
I think you really need to get honest with yourself. If you really think you can just put it down , try not drinking a drop for 90 days. See what happens. Any normal drinker would have no trouble with that. And they have the same excuse as any alkie. Work, kids, dog, cat, grass to cut , ect...........
As sugarbear stated going to AA and being in AA are two different things. Working the steps and applying it to daily living is being in AA, and going to AA is fellowship. I need both to keep this ship afloat.
Glad your here keep reading and posting.
I think you really need to get honest with yourself. If you really think you can just put it down , try not drinking a drop for 90 days. See what happens. Any normal drinker would have no trouble with that. And they have the same excuse as any alkie. Work, kids, dog, cat, grass to cut , ect...........
As sugarbear stated going to AA and being in AA are two different things. Working the steps and applying it to daily living is being in AA, and going to AA is fellowship. I need both to keep this ship afloat.
Glad your here keep reading and posting.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by MrCoolMcAwesome 
Hi everyone,
I stumbled upon this forum when I searched for "functional alcoholic", which I think I am.
I have a great life on the outside - two kids, a beautiful wife, 2 cars, nice home in a great neighborhood, no debt. I also have a bad habit of sneaking drinks behind everyone's back. I drink beer to get through the work day and lie to my wife when she smells my breath at the end of the day.. I've been caught so many times, but continue to do it. My wife has zero trust in me, and has told me she will leave me if it continues (which is really scaring me). I have tried AA, and for the past few months have been going to 'strategy groups' to learn how to cope with my problem.. it usually helps for a week or so, but then I just go and buy some beers again and the whole thing resets to zero.
To be honest, I didn't think I had a problem. I know I can quit if I really want to, but I keep going back to it to relieve job and kid raising stress. But now.. with my wife threatening to leave me, I know how serious it is.. I have to stop.. I hope this forum can help.
Thanks for listening to me ramble..
MrCoolMcAwesome
I stumbled upon this forum when I searched for "functional alcoholic", which I think I am.
I have a great life on the outside - two kids, a beautiful wife, 2 cars, nice home in a great neighborhood, no debt. I also have a bad habit of sneaking drinks behind everyone's back. I drink beer to get through the work day and lie to my wife when she smells my breath at the end of the day.. I've been caught so many times, but continue to do it. My wife has zero trust in me, and has told me she will leave me if it continues (which is really scaring me). I have tried AA, and for the past few months have been going to 'strategy groups' to learn how to cope with my problem.. it usually helps for a week or so, but then I just go and buy some beers again and the whole thing resets to zero.
To be honest, I didn't think I had a problem. I know I can quit if I really want to, but I keep going back to it to relieve job and kid raising stress. But now.. with my wife threatening to leave me, I know how serious it is.. I have to stop.. I hope this forum can help.
Thanks for listening to me ramble..
MrCoolMcAwesome
If you find that you cannot, do not panic, it happens to most of us. If that turns out to be the case, it's time for you to determine which type of program would best suit you. You mentioned you tried AA and another program as well. But one thing you should understand first is that there is no cure for alcoholism. You don't just go to AA and get better and thats that. Once you're an alcoholic, you're always one and you can never go back to being a "normal drinker" again.
All that aside! welcome to our community, and please stick around. We have online chat meetings where we encourage you to share your thoughts with us.
Sober since July 13, 2012
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 21
Welcome!!
Another functional alcoholic here, sober 21 days!
I thought that because I had a great job making significant amounts of money at a young age that I was not alcoholic, and I could drink normally again someday. So I went back out and left AA. Now 3.5 years later. I have almost lost my family, and still have a job, but it was a rough 3.5 yrs.
Upward and onward!
Another functional alcoholic here, sober 21 days!
I thought that because I had a great job making significant amounts of money at a young age that I was not alcoholic, and I could drink normally again someday. So I went back out and left AA. Now 3.5 years later. I have almost lost my family, and still have a job, but it was a rough 3.5 yrs.
Upward and onward!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome MrCool! You've found a great place filled with support, caring, and hope.
I used alcohol to relieve stress, too - once. Then I progressed into a daily drinker - just a few beers wouldn't cut it anymore. In the end, I had alcohol in my system at all times. It was frightening how quickly everything came unglued. Because I didn't do what you're doing, my life spun out of control. I hope you'll keep posting and reading here - we want to help you.
I used alcohol to relieve stress, too - once. Then I progressed into a daily drinker - just a few beers wouldn't cut it anymore. In the end, I had alcohol in my system at all times. It was frightening how quickly everything came unglued. Because I didn't do what you're doing, my life spun out of control. I hope you'll keep posting and reading here - we want to help you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 27
Wow. We're we separated at birth?this is/was exactly the way I came to Aa. I didn't have a problem and I needed to get my wife off my back. I started 3 months ago and did 30 30 just to prove to my wife I didn't have a problem. I relapsed bad and finally broke down and surrendered I realized I was just b.s.ing myself. I put 30 days together today. I read step 1 four times a day and it finally sank in. Best to you on your journey.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I've yet to meet an adult who said how pleased and proud
they were because their parents were drinkers...
Sooo...I'm glad you are seeking help with your situation.
Blessings to you and your family
Welcome...
they were because their parents were drinkers...
Sooo...I'm glad you are seeking help with your situation.
Blessings to you and your family
Welcome...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Functional Alcoholic is just an alcoholic who can not get honest with himself.
I too had the perfect life on the outside, but my wife was losing patience with me and I started to accomplish many of the "not yets"...
Quit, you and your family deserve better... Alcoholism is progressive, that is a fact.
Good luck and welcome !
I too had the perfect life on the outside, but my wife was losing patience with me and I started to accomplish many of the "not yets"...
Quit, you and your family deserve better... Alcoholism is progressive, that is a fact.
Good luck and welcome !
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