MetalChick

I went to my 3 metal shows this Fri-Sun (I worked at two of them) some of you knew I was going, so I am just doing an update. I thought about drinking a lot. I obsessed about how much others drank and/or smoked out. I can’t say I didn’t have a good time; I did, but I thought about drinking way, way too much. I even bought a beer the first night and carried it around unopened for like 30 mins; then gave it away. I also kept thinking about the last show I attended before I quit, and how even though I had cut back on my drinking by that point, I was still ridden with anxiety the next day because of drinking. Music is such a huge part of my life and part of my income. I am hoping to be more comfortable at shows someday. It was nice to remember everything that happened at the shows as well. Just hoping the cravings go down. People tell me they do, but do they really??? Like am I going to get to a point of not even thinking about it at shows or thinking about it seldom? Jeeze!

Anna

I'm glad you got through the weekend.

I couldn't be around alcohol for many months when I stopped drinking. I think that helped me to not have cravings. I hope you are able to feel comfortable at the concerts before too long.

IndaMiricale

Well done that so hard at first. It will really get better for you in time.

I no to hip on the metal scene. But I spent my life on Dead Tour and even though I was not sober then, there were groups of sober people. "Wharf Rats". There has to be other sober metal people to be around.

Routing for you.

Sentso

So glad you gave the beer away, that's so great!

I've been touring a lot recently, as a musician, and it's truly scary how alcohol is everywhere, all the time... But I've been sober for 15 days today!

I still struggle after a gig, or after a day in the studio, but I find so much support on SR, it really helps me (I keep reading posts on my Iphone, even when I can't post myself). I guess it's the same for you.

Anyways, congratulations, really, you can be proud of yourself! Keep it up, I'm sure it should get easier at some point. We'll see!

Ghostlight

Good for you! especialy not drinking that beer. Way to think it through!

Hope you have many more sober shows.

Dee74

I love music too MC - but I couldn't be around that scene for a while, to be honest...however important music was to me, my recovery was more important....

If you can't do without the income, you're going to have to do a lot of work, before during and after the show to stay true to yourself...but you'll have a lot of SRers with you in spirit

doggonecarl

I am glad you came out of this unscathed. To me, this is the alcoholic equivalent of someone sticking their head in the lion's maw and hoping he doesn't close it. Too risky.

After numerous attempts to quit drinking without changing my lifestyle, I finally had to remove myself from everything that posed a risk to my recovery. Everything.

hypochondriac

Well done MetalChick That is a huge accomplishment. I'm not intending to cut out going to gigs either though I have been avoiding a lot of things until I feel stronger in my recovery. Everytime I get through a major social event sober it makes me stronger. I feel like if I just avoid all those drinking situations forever then there will always be this hold over me, something I can't do or I will drink. I am reintroducing stuff slowly though.

I'm glad you made it through and I'm sure next time it'll be a little easier, and easier again after that x

Live2Run25

well done MetalChick.. I ALWAYS drank at concerts, so if I went now, I know it'd be a big big trigger. I am a huge music lover too. I guess you just have to decide which you love more. I think you can do it!!

soberbrooke

Are you going to AA? AA is the only thing that worked for me. I had to change all people, places and things. I couldn't go to ANY place that has alcohol for the first - well I am still doing that at 7 months! I am an Alcoholic and my life was unmanageable with alcohol, so I did exactly what AA told me, let go of my EGO, and God keeps putting bigger and better things in my life. I am working the program without my EGO, putting the Creative Forces, or God, first - and it is all working out for the best!
If this is the ONLY way you can make money, then sorry to say - you will probably relapse. I know I would, with the atmosphere, with everyone around me drinking, etc....
Good luck!

serious

cravings do subside. you'll think about drinking less often.
are you going to ever stop thinking about having a drink? probably not. (maybe never, or maybe you will).
but a craving is nothing... what's important is how you deal with them.

one thing is for sure, the longer you stay sober the easier it becomes. the really destructive thoughts become less severe and i'm sure you'll be able to go out and have fun and remain completely sober. you might think about having a drink, but chances are it will be just a passing thought. accept it, recognize it, and throw it away.

RevivingOphelia

Super awesome, MC.

NoFireWater

I agree, each time you get through one of your trigger situations you do feel stronger (at least that's how it's happening for me). Drinking and the music scene have always gone hand in hand, so it's got to be extra difficult for you. Good job making it through, and giving the beer away! Nice there are other musicians here to cheer you on and relate to what you're going through!

MetalChick

Thanks for the support from my heart. I know a craving is a craving and it will pass; thanks. I get them a lot wherever I am, but I know it is easier to walk a few paces to the bar then to get into the car and drive to the store. I am encouraged to know that it will get easier as time goes on. I am not in denial and I know I am never going to be “cured” and can never think I can drink just a couple. My choice to drink has robbed me of so much joy in my life and almost my very life, because of serious suicide attempts a couple of times in the past, and I will not let it to rob me of what I love to do now.

I agree with you, Dee that I am going to have to do extra work and planning before, after, and during these shows. Thanks to SR being there in spirit. That is one of the coolest things anyone has ever said to me, and that is a great help and support.

My plan so far: Keep attending AA and working the steps, bring my phone to shows, so I can be in touch with my SR family. Don’t linger at the bar before or after shows. Don’t hang in the lounge area on the bus after shows if it is “one of those nights.”Keep myself busy, eat right, and chill with the people who don’t drink or drink less. Make a firm decision not to drink in advance, be accountable to other people there that know my deal, and fully enjoy myself sober. any other ideas would be great.

I have trying times ahead, because my BF will be out of the country for 5 weeks, and then when he gets back I have a 4 week run. I really need to have a good plan in place.

On another note:
It’s cool too, because am a lot more talkative, carefree and fun and productive at shows now because I am not worrying so much about acting like a jackass drunkie. I see other people acting like idiots, and I am glad it isn’t me. I used to get so much anxiety before events because I was always worrying about drinking too much.

I can’t even tell you guys how much I appreciate you! I know I am not alone, and that is the greatest feeling in the world. I get all choked up

Hugs, MC \M/

MetalChick

Thanks. I believe you, because the more I do things that I would have done drunk(mostly everything-ha) it does get better and better. I get stronger, and my confidence improves. I also have the opportunity to restore my dignity around people that pretty much saw me buzzed or drunk most of the time.

Nofire, I do play, but not at shows. I promote some and sell merch at others.

I think it is difficult for me, but I am am also lucky that my BF that I live with doesn't drink. That would be the toughest, if I lived with someone that drank a lot.

Take care

MetalChick

Thanks,

Yes, there are many sober "metal heads" to hand around

bbthumper

In my experience ,I can only put myself in situations where I feel tested so many times before I fail. Just be careful...

gincognito

Good for you that's impressive. I was working as a musician when my addiction was at its worst and I had to cut way back on gigs to get away from certain people and places. Places I could still drink for free if I wanted to. Funny about your "pet beer".

NoFireWater

I'm lucky too, my boyfriend quit drinking about 7 years ago. I can't imagine trying to do this if he were drinking like he used to. He has done very well. Slipped once or twice (literally for a night or two in the whole time), didn't like how he felt, and doesn't miss it now. That being said, he said it would be so easy to fall right back into it, but he chooses not to. It can be done, and he gives me living proof of that.

I get that about restoring dignity too. I cringe when I think of how others perceived me while I was drinking to excess. I know it wasn't always bad, but I hate it that it was EVER like that-very embarrassing to be thought of as a drunk.

MetalChick

I hear you loud and clear. I guess what I struggle with is that I have so many damn triggers. My biggest one is when I get lonely when my BF is out of the country. I start feeling very sorry for my poor self all alone in the apartment.
Shows are tough, but I am also usually pretty busy at them, but I do see the danger. Maybe I should skip the ones I just attend for fun now.. not sure. I just hate to miss certain bands that I know may not come around again for god knows how long

One of my biggest fears associated with quiting drinking was that I wouldn't be able to function, have fun again, or that I would forever live with horrible cravings for beer- like an oasis in the desert. I guess I though life would suck without it so bad that I would hate life.

Thanks for the advice, bb