Searching
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Littleton, co
Posts: 5
Searching
I have visited this site many times to calculate my sober time, 509 days, but that's about it. I have been hospitalized, gone to rehab, endured medical procedure after procedure to repair the damage alcohol caused, outpatient aftercare and AA. Now that my body is finally healing and my mind is becoming clearer, fear is setting in. I've spent sometime reading other posts and I know my fears are not unique. The life I created before recovery is no longer compatible with who I am sober. I'm trying to keep my eyes, heart and mind open. I don't know what I'm looking for, ? , comfort, an opinion, guidance... All I do know is I already feel a little better just by posting this.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
BadCandy
I think any big change can be fearful as you see what you are letting go before knowing fully what will replace it. I hope and pray that fear steadily turns to excitement as you begin to feel more confident exploring new ground.
509 days! Superb - well done!
I think any big change can be fearful as you see what you are letting go before knowing fully what will replace it. I hope and pray that fear steadily turns to excitement as you begin to feel more confident exploring new ground.
509 days! Superb - well done!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Thank you for the the honest post. 
Congrats on your time.
I keep using my AA program to the fullest. Steps daily, meetings just about daily also.
I hope you find your peace.
Good love, Inda
Congrats on your time.
I keep using my AA program to the fullest. Steps daily, meetings just about daily also.
I hope you find your peace.
Good love, Inda
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
I got to that point too, BadCandy. For me, the key was working with a good therapist. I can't say enough about it. It was hard work, but the healing was absolutely tremendous. Not all therapists are good, but if you find the right one, they can be worth their weight in gold.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
Change can be scary for sure but a change for the better is ALWAYS a good one!
Thanks for posting and welcome! Well done on 509 days! Stopping using might not
solve all our problems but it definately will remove many of them!
Thanks for posting and welcome! Well done on 509 days! Stopping using might not
solve all our problems but it definately will remove many of them!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi BadCandy
Congratulations on 509 days
What kind of support do you have?
What have you done in recovery besides just not drinking?
Those are the kinds of issues I had to look at.
In a sense, for me, not drinking was the warm up...learning to be happy sober was the main event.
I found a lot of it I knew what I had to do...I just had to make the leap of faith required to actually do it
You could do a lot worse than post here regularly - there's a lot of collective wisdome here
Congratulations on 509 days
What kind of support do you have?
What have you done in recovery besides just not drinking?
Those are the kinds of issues I had to look at.
In a sense, for me, not drinking was the warm up...learning to be happy sober was the main event.
I found a lot of it I knew what I had to do...I just had to make the leap of faith required to actually do it
You could do a lot worse than post here regularly - there's a lot of collective wisdome here
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 57
when I told my therapist that I felt "uncomfortable" all the time once I got abstinent, I was looking for her to give me a solution. Instead she just said "GOOD! change isn't comfortable". And we know we can't stay the same but stop the habit. We must change.
As for the "searching", I totally get you. We're looking for something to fill the void with, something, anything. There is a constant void inside of us that we tried to fill with alcohol, and probably a variety of other things. What I have learned is that it is unfillable with anything I can put in it. Not money, not relationships, not stuff, not work success, not losing weight, not ANYTHING. It can only be found by having an authentic relationship with myself and the world around me. Only then can I begin on a path of usefulness and joyful living.
As for the "searching", I totally get you. We're looking for something to fill the void with, something, anything. There is a constant void inside of us that we tried to fill with alcohol, and probably a variety of other things. What I have learned is that it is unfillable with anything I can put in it. Not money, not relationships, not stuff, not work success, not losing weight, not ANYTHING. It can only be found by having an authentic relationship with myself and the world around me. Only then can I begin on a path of usefulness and joyful living.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Littleton, co
Posts: 5
Wow!
I did not expect to feel this way after 1 post and 1 blog entry. I will admit I teared up a little, good tears. I had just lost focus of all of the amazingly brave and positive people in recovery.
To address a few comments, I've been married for 17 years and have 2 teenage sons. My new life isn't meshing well with my old life for many obvious reasons. But the hardest thing has been finding where I fit, without a drink in my hand. My family has been incredible, we have done it all, family counseling, Al-Anon, Alateen. But at the end of the day they have to process all of this in their own way. They all hated me drunk, but nobody likes me sober either. Reason being, I pay attention to EVERYTHING!! Basically I'm the buzz kill! Ironic, right! Just being here is already helping me!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
P.S. I really do need to find a good therapist for myself.
I did not expect to feel this way after 1 post and 1 blog entry. I will admit I teared up a little, good tears. I had just lost focus of all of the amazingly brave and positive people in recovery.
To address a few comments, I've been married for 17 years and have 2 teenage sons. My new life isn't meshing well with my old life for many obvious reasons. But the hardest thing has been finding where I fit, without a drink in my hand. My family has been incredible, we have done it all, family counseling, Al-Anon, Alateen. But at the end of the day they have to process all of this in their own way. They all hated me drunk, but nobody likes me sober either. Reason being, I pay attention to EVERYTHING!! Basically I'm the buzz kill! Ironic, right! Just being here is already helping me!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
P.S. I really do need to find a good therapist for myself.
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