MetalChick

Half gallon of vodka every other day will cause liver damage fast. It sounds like you need more then an AA meeting or AVRT right now (maybe later on). You probably need inpatient medical care and rehab before you die or damage yourself beyond repair. It sounds like you are close to the last stages of alcoholism to me. I am just going by what you said. Please get medical help. You can get help and change your life.

I am no Doc, but I think a half gallon of vodka can kill you. I read that is like a little over 40 shots!This is some serious shi*t!

Please, please get help, OK? and keep us posted

Hugs, MC

sugarbear1

I was thinking rehab before I scrolled past Dee's post.

Vanilla extract, dude, you need to be informed about what alcohol does to a body and maybe stay away for 30 days. It doesn't guarantee you'll stay stopped, but this is unmanageably at it's finest.

You are willing to go to any lengths to stay drunk. Why not try to stay stopped, work AVRT or any other program as if your life depended upon it, as it truly does.

I wish you well,

DisplacedGRITS

I was not above drinking mouthwash at times. When i finally reached my lowest point it wasn't because of any one thing or even a culmination of things. It was just my time. I started going to AA meetings daily during my trouble times so i wouldn't be alone to drink. I started breaking habits. I stopped going grocery shopping alone. Instead of making plans on how i could hide my alcohol i tried to make my life a window where i could be accountable for all of my actions at first. I needed transparency because when i drank i did all i could to wrap myself in fog so no one could see whatt i was doing to myself. I started being honest with myself and those arounf me. AA was a tool i used. There were witnesses for myself. I couldn't fool myself by saying i was going to hang out by the lake where there was a liquor store on the other side of the street i could have stopped in. When i craved, i told someone so someone else knew and i didn't feel like i was hiding some dirty secret. Get used to being honest. SR helps a lot.come here and admit you're feeling weak before you give in to the crave. Reach out for help before you fall down.

MetalChick

DisplacedGRITS,

I love what you said about transparency; very wise-great post

auden67

Yes,bI could see you being a candidate for medical detox, which will make the withdrawal symptoms easier too. Regardless, it is obvious you are reaching out to live! Listen to that strong voice inside you that wants to quit, and make it the guest of honor. Listen to it above all. For me, I read a lot of addiction memoirs and stayed close to home, except for walks and quiet time until my emotional strength was replenished. And read SR first thing in morning and last before bed.

imaquitter

I think for me it was because I would stay hungry so I could get more drunk and I replaced food with alcohol for over a decade. Now if I just eat and even a plum or banana or a few strawberries is enough for me to forget about alcohol but just slightly hungry and I might think of a beer. If I'm going out on a ride I'll eat first and bring a exercise bar and a bottle of gatorade or something to drink too just in case I decide to stop at 7-11 later, I wont think about buying a 12 pack of beer. I know I would think about it if I let myself even a little bit hungry. I won't buy beer anyway but I'd rather not have the thought at all and be tempted everytime I leave the house.

DoWhut

You are only a failure if you don't try. I heard that in a meeting yesterday and thought you could use to hear it! I am new to recovery and I have heard many suggestions on what to do to keep myself occupied and I really didn't want to hear it. Or, really, I didn't want to do it- like take a walk, go get coffee, take a bath...and before I felt too miserable to even attempt any of those things. I am still just mainly distracting myself with TV, and I know I should be reading the big book and whatever- but the only thing I really know to do is go to a meeting. I don't know what else to do right now and it is keeping me from drinking or smoking pot.
Everyone is different, I know, and I have been torturing myself about being sober for about 10 years now. I am finally ready. But I still want to give up sometimes, of course. I feel like the women in my group don't truly want to help me- or I think, am I doing it wrong? Am I too shy? But I make myself keep going back because I don't know what else to do.
I know I am new, but all I can say is go to meetings. If you really want it- just go to the meetings. Even if you are still drinking, the only requirement is a desire to stop. Go to meetings if you really want to be free.
Best of luck and, remember, you are NOT a failure!

SlimSlim

I agree with other posters who are suggesting professional help. With the amount of alcohol you are consuming, cold turkey would be dangerous. Going to detox would be a proactive step in your part and will help you to safely stop drinking while you are there.

You don't indicate whether you are male or female, or how long you have been consuming alcohol on a daily basis and at this level. I also agree with being honest with your doctor and getting checked out completely.

If you keep on this way, it is only a matter of time before drinking kills you.

melberholtz

I agree, professional help may be my only option at this point. I just feel so downtrodden and rotten that I can't even think that far ahead and plan on calling the doc.

MightyMung

Okay firstly:

Vanilla extract - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Don't drink vanilla extract. It's like adding 10 grams of paracetamol to your vodka.

You can do this. Put that **** down and go find something to live for, cause the way you're going only has one end. We're all in the same boat here. Thank the Lord you even found this website, thousands don't, and look where they end up - in the obituaries.

I want you to do something for me. Call it a favour. Don't drink today.

Send me a message when you've done me this favour, then i'll do one for you. You'll be letting me down if you don't. You can do it! And think how proud we'll both be when you've done it!

MetalChick

melberholtz,

Do you have family and/or friends that could help you with this, you know, call around for you to find the best ER, doc, etc... and provide emotional support?

NYCDoglvr

I almost died while in a blackout and was terrified I couldn't stop. I went to AA and took every suggestion and with the support of other alcoholics created a good life for myself. After all, my best thinking almost killed me. If your life depends on it it doesn't matter what you think of AA or another recovery program. But we alcoholics have enormous egos, are self-centered, self-involved and self-destructive. It helped me to understand that each day I had a choice ... to drink or not drink. I could pick up the phone and call someone or pick up a drink when fear, loneliness and self-sabotaging thoughts occupied my mind.

To get sober takes willingness and honesty. Good advice above to see a doctor and be honest about drinking.

melberholtz

Thanks everyone for all the words of encouragement. It really helps. Tomorrow is the day!!

melberholtz

Whoa!! I figured the stuff was just cheap booze. Didn't realize it had some pretty heavy toxins in it. I have been downing probably a pint of the stuff 3 or four days a week.

Dee74

A pint 3 or 4 days a week?

I've no idea how anyone could keep it down, but by rights you should at least be in the ER.

Please go get yourself checked out melberholz - as a matter of urgency.
The Dr may be able to help you with treatment options too.

D.

Pondlady

You learned something important today about the vanilla extract, I'm betting many of us didn't know it either. I'm glad to hear tomorrow is the day, just don't use tomorrow as a reason to drink more tonight. Keep posting.

melberholtz

No, I actually haven't drank yet today. Feel like my bones are going to shake out of my skin, but hanging in there (at work. Almost done)

soberbrooke

I continued on that way for 27 years. I finally put my EGO aside and did EXACTLY what AA told me to do. I was at rock bottom. It takes your rock bottom to come out of it, but when you do, hold on for the ride of your life!!!
I is a wonderful journey, and life is so full of big and little miracles! I wish the best for you!

DisplacedGRITS

See a doctor. Detoxing on your own can be so very dangerous. I had a couple of seizures trying to do it on my own. A doctor can tell you if you need medical detox or can give you a script for something to make it safer and more comfortable. Doctors are wonderful and can point you towards more professional options once you're done detoxing.

Missy7

Welcome to SR. What I recognize about your post is the "drink till I'm sick on Monday, suffer Tuesday, drink till I'm sick on Wednesday" routine. I was in that same pattern the whole time. Maybe it took till Thursday for me to forget how crappy Tuesday had been.

I'm only finishing lovely day nine, but I know that the main thing motivating me is sick Tuesday. Why would you give up so many days? Why power through them?

And as SugarBear (I think) said, vanilla extract? I have to admit that I've done that too--put it in tea as though it was a flavoring. Then added more. But that's a pretty sad state.

How many days have you got to waste? I don't want to waste anymore.