Incoherent Blather...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
Hey Shags, 14 days is awesome. You have gotten past a lot of the early sobriety days in which people give up on recovery.
When I first got sober, I tried to "just stop drinking" and continue my life as is. I would still go out with drinking buddies and just not drink and would go to the bar and just not drink. I did that for 3 months before I almost gave up to go back to my drinking lifestyle. I was also a late 20's single guy when I first got sober, so drinking was a big part of what I did to be social, meet girls, and have fun, etc.
Just like you, I realized that I had dated some great girls who were smart enough to get rid of me, or I dated some really crazy girls who I stayed with too long due to my insecurities and drinking habits. I knew I needed to make serious changes when I made a move away from old drinking friends, and was able to make the first 3 months sober by the sheer shame and remorse that I knew drinking was causing me.
What I luckily did when I was really struggling was get to an AA meeting. Some great people and threads here on SR and in real life told me all of the great things about AA and that all the myth's about AA just aren't true. When, I finally ended up going to my first meeting and I met some really cool people who were sober for a very long time and had been through all of the early sobriety stuff that was killing me. It was great to share and get to know people who had made the lifestyle changes I needed to make to get my life together. The best thing is that everyone in AA really does want to help you and point you in the right direction. It's hard to find anything as genuine as AA, imo.
I think you are on a great track with 2 weeks sober and the self recognition that you have a problem with alcohol/drugs. You would be surprised how many people don't "get it" when it comes to addiction/alcoholism, so be proud that you are one of the few who gets it and have a chance at a great life.
When I first got sober, I tried to "just stop drinking" and continue my life as is. I would still go out with drinking buddies and just not drink and would go to the bar and just not drink. I did that for 3 months before I almost gave up to go back to my drinking lifestyle. I was also a late 20's single guy when I first got sober, so drinking was a big part of what I did to be social, meet girls, and have fun, etc.
Just like you, I realized that I had dated some great girls who were smart enough to get rid of me, or I dated some really crazy girls who I stayed with too long due to my insecurities and drinking habits. I knew I needed to make serious changes when I made a move away from old drinking friends, and was able to make the first 3 months sober by the sheer shame and remorse that I knew drinking was causing me.
What I luckily did when I was really struggling was get to an AA meeting. Some great people and threads here on SR and in real life told me all of the great things about AA and that all the myth's about AA just aren't true. When, I finally ended up going to my first meeting and I met some really cool people who were sober for a very long time and had been through all of the early sobriety stuff that was killing me. It was great to share and get to know people who had made the lifestyle changes I needed to make to get my life together. The best thing is that everyone in AA really does want to help you and point you in the right direction. It's hard to find anything as genuine as AA, imo.
I think you are on a great track with 2 weeks sober and the self recognition that you have a problem with alcohol/drugs. You would be surprised how many people don't "get it" when it comes to addiction/alcoholism, so be proud that you are one of the few who gets it and have a chance at a great life.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well done on your early sobreity ...
For various reasons I did not go to a treatment center to
deal with my alcoholism...but directly to AA.
There I have stayed..no intentions of ever loseing that positive
connection. And I've sure never found it boreing..
Welcome..
For various reasons I did not go to a treatment center to
deal with my alcoholism...but directly to AA.
There I have stayed..no intentions of ever loseing that positive
connection. And I've sure never found it boreing..
Welcome..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
Hey Nivana...it's uncanny how much your story is like mine. Earlier this year when I went 6 weeks, I did everything you did. Hung out with all my drinking drug friends, went to bars, but didn't drink...I was the DD. Only I just lasted 6 weeks. I figured I had gone 6 weeks without "too much trouble" and decided I could have a beer. And it worked. For about a week. Then I thought...I did it once, lets get a 24 ouncer and have that. I barely had that in me tummy before I was on the way to the liquor store and cracking a jar of weed.
And as for the women...like you said...the smart ones figure it out fairly quick, and I just don't need another drinking buddy in a relationship so the others should not be an option for me from now on. I have no problems finding women to party with. I just don't know if I'll ever learn how to meet one sober. I have no interest in dating right now, but eventually I will and I'm scared to death to go down that road without booze greasing the wheels. I'm sitting here realizing, I don't think I have ever had sex with a woman for the first time sober. Ever. That's pathetic. I'm just realizing this right this minute.
Jobei...we sound a lot alike too, man. I would love to be able to do more things and function at a normal level too. I know physically I feel light years better. But like you said...mentally, I feel like a bag of smashed @ssholes right now. I feel so much aggression. I walk around begging for someone to mess with me so I can start some sort of confrontation. At work, on the road, in stores, at the park...anywhere. I feel like my heart is pounding out of my chest almost non-stop. I know it will get better. I do. I just wonder when and what it will be like.
Well, thanks again everyone for everything and for helping me get through today. I REALLY needed it. I need to turn in. But this is a bad@ass community and I am looking forward to getting to know you all better!!
Peace out. Thank you.
And as for the women...like you said...the smart ones figure it out fairly quick, and I just don't need another drinking buddy in a relationship so the others should not be an option for me from now on. I have no problems finding women to party with. I just don't know if I'll ever learn how to meet one sober. I have no interest in dating right now, but eventually I will and I'm scared to death to go down that road without booze greasing the wheels. I'm sitting here realizing, I don't think I have ever had sex with a woman for the first time sober. Ever. That's pathetic. I'm just realizing this right this minute.
Jobei...we sound a lot alike too, man. I would love to be able to do more things and function at a normal level too. I know physically I feel light years better. But like you said...mentally, I feel like a bag of smashed @ssholes right now. I feel so much aggression. I walk around begging for someone to mess with me so I can start some sort of confrontation. At work, on the road, in stores, at the park...anywhere. I feel like my heart is pounding out of my chest almost non-stop. I know it will get better. I do. I just wonder when and what it will be like.
Well, thanks again everyone for everything and for helping me get through today. I REALLY needed it. I need to turn in. But this is a bad@ass community and I am looking forward to getting to know you all better!!
Peace out. Thank you.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Welcome to SR! Glad you are here!
Try AAOnline Guests Chat Module for scheduled daily meetings.
Go to silkworth.net for reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous online. See if you can identify with the stories in the back of the book, or with anything in the first 164 pages.
The in person meetings are great for in person support and for making sober friendships, hanging out, going out for coffee or food, and for sober fun!
Take a listen to some recorded speaker meetings at xa-speakers.org
If you find that AA isn't for you, there are other programs available. I believe AA may help you in your situation, my gut tells me so.
I wish you an amazing sober journey!
Love & hugs,
Try AAOnline Guests Chat Module for scheduled daily meetings.
Go to silkworth.net for reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous online. See if you can identify with the stories in the back of the book, or with anything in the first 164 pages.
The in person meetings are great for in person support and for making sober friendships, hanging out, going out for coffee or food, and for sober fun!
Take a listen to some recorded speaker meetings at xa-speakers.org
If you find that AA isn't for you, there are other programs available. I believe AA may help you in your situation, my gut tells me so.
I wish you an amazing sober journey!
Love & hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 183
I'm like you Shags. I hadn't gone longer than maybe 3 days (except once for 17 days to sober up) in 10 years. I didn't know how to do much without drinking, certainly not live day to day. I figure it's like living with concrete shoes. You get so used to them, accommodating their weight, shape and challenges so that when you take them off, walking normally is hard. Some muscles are underused, some grossly overused. So we need to strengthen and practice to walk again.
Every day is an opportunity to practice sobriety, to practice living. It is just small, incremental steps living toward a greater goal. Maybe it would be helpful to commit your mind to sobriety, but remember the other things, like building up life skills you have let grow weak, will take time to build up, just like fitness.
I think that AA or another like support group would be helpful for you. It probably would benefit you to realize and accept that your struggles are very common. Addiction has the means to make isolated narcissists out of ourselves, and I bet you would benefit from others perspectives amd a sense of perspective yourself. Sounds like you may have been stuck in your own world for a longtime.
Once I studied and realized how not extraordinary my struggles were, overcoming them become not just a point of esteem, but a sense of community with all folks struggling with addiction. That empathy has made me a more loving person. And I still think the good life has to be practiced every single day. Good luck, you are off to a wonderful start.
Every day is an opportunity to practice sobriety, to practice living. It is just small, incremental steps living toward a greater goal. Maybe it would be helpful to commit your mind to sobriety, but remember the other things, like building up life skills you have let grow weak, will take time to build up, just like fitness.
I think that AA or another like support group would be helpful for you. It probably would benefit you to realize and accept that your struggles are very common. Addiction has the means to make isolated narcissists out of ourselves, and I bet you would benefit from others perspectives amd a sense of perspective yourself. Sounds like you may have been stuck in your own world for a longtime.
Once I studied and realized how not extraordinary my struggles were, overcoming them become not just a point of esteem, but a sense of community with all folks struggling with addiction. That empathy has made me a more loving person. And I still think the good life has to be practiced every single day. Good luck, you are off to a wonderful start.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 183
Also, anger is a common symptom of quitting, I experienced it too. There are a lot of chemicals in the brain that booze affects long-term and that alter in sobriety, including dips in serotonin. If,it continues, an SSRI might help, just as suggestion. But for many, including myself, the rage ebbs and eventually wanes.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Shags13: You say that you "think it would give me hope and something to shoot for" and mention that you have taken up guns as a hobby and have acquired a semi automatic. Hope this is not what they call a "Freudian Slip"! From what you say you have plenty of guts and are going through a very dicey stage right now since your body is crying out for all the stuff you've been putting into it over the past and it's playing tricks with your mind. If you hang in there and stay with it, that is don't take a drink or any other of the stuff, I guarantee you that it's going to get better, better than you ever really imagined or dreamed. But it's going to take time, and guts.
Now what to do about that gun? Take that gun and put it somewhere where you won't be tempted to get access to it. Like a safe deposit box or something which will insure that you won't be fiddling around with it on the spur of the moment. And for the next few years anyway, forget about that gun. Then use all the strength you have to stick with the program, whatever that may be, AA or something else. It works better if you do it with other recovering alcoholics. This is a very serious illness and it has devastating results. You can recover from it. Others have and you can too. So far it doesn't look like you've done yourself or anyone else much damage so in that respect the odds are in your favor.
It's not easy. It's not pleasant but if you stick with it the payoff is a kind of happiness that you would not believe! You owe it to yourself. Don't just do it for others. Do it for yourself. You deserve it! Good luck. All the best.
W.
Now what to do about that gun? Take that gun and put it somewhere where you won't be tempted to get access to it. Like a safe deposit box or something which will insure that you won't be fiddling around with it on the spur of the moment. And for the next few years anyway, forget about that gun. Then use all the strength you have to stick with the program, whatever that may be, AA or something else. It works better if you do it with other recovering alcoholics. This is a very serious illness and it has devastating results. You can recover from it. Others have and you can too. So far it doesn't look like you've done yourself or anyone else much damage so in that respect the odds are in your favor.
It's not easy. It's not pleasant but if you stick with it the payoff is a kind of happiness that you would not believe! You owe it to yourself. Don't just do it for others. Do it for yourself. You deserve it! Good luck. All the best.
W.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Hi again Chris. You asked how long I'm sober - it's 4-1/2 yrs. In my 30's it would never have occurred to me to stop seeking that old euphoria that I once felt when I drank. I insisted I could use willpower to moderate, & almost died proving that wasn't possible.
I thought being sober would make me boring & ordinary - but what's more boring than being numb & foggy, not remembering conversations, or things you've said and done. I even managed to get several dui's as I was crashing & burning. I'm lucky to be here, not dead or in jail. This never has to be you, Chris.
I thought being sober would make me boring & ordinary - but what's more boring than being numb & foggy, not remembering conversations, or things you've said and done. I even managed to get several dui's as I was crashing & burning. I'm lucky to be here, not dead or in jail. This never has to be you, Chris.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
Hey all. It's been a few days since I posted but anted to thank you all for your concerns. I am still, in fact, still sober. Today is day 17. Attended my first ever AA meeting Monday and again on Tuesday. So many people knowing and going through the same things I am. It's comforting. One man seemed to focus his attention on me a bit and he has been an enormous help. I like him. As hard of a time as I was having on Sunday, that's how easy the last two days have been. But I just woke up and had a dream about my ex girlfriend which brings me to the point of this post.
I know one of the steps in AA is making amends to people you've hurt as long as making said amends does not hurt them. Well, although I am not at this step, and honestly, I have no clue what step I'm at nor do I care at this moment, I thought about it. And I really can only come up with one name. Hers. At one time in our relationship, I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with her. Then one day something changed. I always told myself she just up and stopped caring. And maybe she did. Maybe it was me that changed too. I don't know. It's not important. What is important is how I dealt with my thoughts regarding this. As you can probably guess, I shut down. I became angry and bitter and hateful towards her. I began to drink a lot more. I began doing a lot more drugs. I said horrible things to her. She is a rather fragile woman and I knew that and I attacked her mentally. I can be the most terrible person when I want to be. I took my complete and utter wrath and aimed it right at the person I cared about most in the world and broke her. The whole time convincing myself it was her fault. And of course we eventually split. About 13 months ago. And I've kept myself so f#cking numb that I haven't allowed myself to think about it. Well, I'm thinking about it. A lot. Its the majority of what I think about.
I am not saying that I want to be with her again. Although I think I still may love her, I don't believe she's right for me or that I'm in love with her. She is a drinker too (nowhere near me, but needs a drink or two everyday), and I am quite sure she has no intention at this point to stop. I also think she is happily with another man at this point. I believe she is living with him. I hope she is happy. But as I said, I feel like I must tell her some things. I also think that if I do, I could be messing with her head, and perhaps her new life in which she seems to be happy. Is this what is meant by the step that says to make amends unless doing so would hurt the person? I just feel as if this not only is something that constantly on my mind, but a large part of my deeper pain, regret and a huge part of my drinking...especially since when I began feeling shut out by her is when I went from a heavy drinker to a raging all day drunk.
I am COMPLETELY at a loss as to how to proceed. Thanks again for listening. I appreciate it.
-Chris
I know one of the steps in AA is making amends to people you've hurt as long as making said amends does not hurt them. Well, although I am not at this step, and honestly, I have no clue what step I'm at nor do I care at this moment, I thought about it. And I really can only come up with one name. Hers. At one time in our relationship, I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with her. Then one day something changed. I always told myself she just up and stopped caring. And maybe she did. Maybe it was me that changed too. I don't know. It's not important. What is important is how I dealt with my thoughts regarding this. As you can probably guess, I shut down. I became angry and bitter and hateful towards her. I began to drink a lot more. I began doing a lot more drugs. I said horrible things to her. She is a rather fragile woman and I knew that and I attacked her mentally. I can be the most terrible person when I want to be. I took my complete and utter wrath and aimed it right at the person I cared about most in the world and broke her. The whole time convincing myself it was her fault. And of course we eventually split. About 13 months ago. And I've kept myself so f#cking numb that I haven't allowed myself to think about it. Well, I'm thinking about it. A lot. Its the majority of what I think about.
I am not saying that I want to be with her again. Although I think I still may love her, I don't believe she's right for me or that I'm in love with her. She is a drinker too (nowhere near me, but needs a drink or two everyday), and I am quite sure she has no intention at this point to stop. I also think she is happily with another man at this point. I believe she is living with him. I hope she is happy. But as I said, I feel like I must tell her some things. I also think that if I do, I could be messing with her head, and perhaps her new life in which she seems to be happy. Is this what is meant by the step that says to make amends unless doing so would hurt the person? I just feel as if this not only is something that constantly on my mind, but a large part of my deeper pain, regret and a huge part of my drinking...especially since when I began feeling shut out by her is when I went from a heavy drinker to a raging all day drunk.
I am COMPLETELY at a loss as to how to proceed. Thanks again for listening. I appreciate it.
-Chris
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
Dealing with the wreckage of our past can be a very emotional thing for sure. I find myself doing it on a daily basis. I too had a girlfriend (fiance) that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Then my alcoholism got jealous and made sure that I did everything within my power to push her away. That way it would just be me and the booze, with no one else to tell us what to do. We do have a child together so our lives are inexplictably linked together. I do wish her the best but do not find it possible for us to ever be together again. My way of making ammends to her is to be a sober and giving father to our child and to try to make their lives easier now... instead of just being selfish as I was when I was drunk everyday. In just 5 months time I have already seen a major improvement in her attitude towards me as a father and that's worth its weight in gold! Try to better yourself by doing the "right" thing everyday and the ammends will come on their own...
Take care buddy and god bless!
Take care buddy and god bless!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Shags13: I think that the way to proceed is to keep doing what you're doing, keep going to AA and talking with that nice fellow you meet there if that helps you feel more comfortable and, as you do this one day at a time, you will find things gradually getting better and a lot easier. As for your former girlfriend, it sounds like she's O.K. right now and there seems little need for you to make amends if that's what you want to do. Later on, if you run across her and when it's apparent that sobriety is agreeing with you, it might be the time to tell her that you regret what happened but that you had an illness from which you have managed to recover. An illness which made it hard for her but nevertheless an illness. And let's hope she says that that's O.K and that she hopes you have a successful recovery. Good luck.
W.
W.
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