off the rails again.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
off the rails again.....
When will I ever learn?
It isn't even as if I like it after the first couple of sips. I think that it is the thought of drinking that is better than actually drinking but once you've had that first sip then that's it.
Luckily my family life isn't being affected yet as we've had a great day out by a local lake and I will only have "a few' as I'm working tomorrow but the bottom line is that I've failed again. My wife doesn't mind me having a couple of glasses of wine as we're ordering a takeaway pizza. If I'm honest I will only have a couple of glasses as I'm up early tomorrow driving but what it will do is tee me up to continue tomorrow.
Maybe I am normal and can have a couple of glasses and leave it which I will do. But if I was totally normal would I be posting my concerns on here after a glass of wine?
I guess not.
Its a strange world isn't it?
Bruno.
It isn't even as if I like it after the first couple of sips. I think that it is the thought of drinking that is better than actually drinking but once you've had that first sip then that's it.
Luckily my family life isn't being affected yet as we've had a great day out by a local lake and I will only have "a few' as I'm working tomorrow but the bottom line is that I've failed again. My wife doesn't mind me having a couple of glasses of wine as we're ordering a takeaway pizza. If I'm honest I will only have a couple of glasses as I'm up early tomorrow driving but what it will do is tee me up to continue tomorrow.
Maybe I am normal and can have a couple of glasses and leave it which I will do. But if I was totally normal would I be posting my concerns on here after a glass of wine?
I guess not.
Its a strange world isn't it?
Bruno.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Hi Bruno,
Its great to hear that your family wasn't affected today but based on your previous posts it sounds like it has in the past (blacking out & not remembering what you said to them/breaking dates with the kids etc.).
I think you may have more of a problem than you think. I only say this to you as we tend to tell ourselves that things are better than they actually are... its easier, less scary & you don't have do anything. I say this in a loving/caring way my friend, complacency almost killed me.
A couple of questions if I may:
1) Do you think you have a problem? (if yes see 2)
2) Are you ready to make real changes? (if yes see 3)
3) What is your plan for recovery & change?
We are here to support you in your recovery in any way we can. You can do this. I have posted one of your earlier posts on this site for you below, it will help you to remember why you came to our recovery forum in the first place.
Cheers ~ NB
Its great to hear that your family wasn't affected today but based on your previous posts it sounds like it has in the past (blacking out & not remembering what you said to them/breaking dates with the kids etc.).
I think you may have more of a problem than you think. I only say this to you as we tend to tell ourselves that things are better than they actually are... its easier, less scary & you don't have do anything. I say this in a loving/caring way my friend, complacency almost killed me.
A couple of questions if I may:
1) Do you think you have a problem? (if yes see 2)
2) Are you ready to make real changes? (if yes see 3)
3) What is your plan for recovery & change?
We are here to support you in your recovery in any way we can. You can do this. I have posted one of your earlier posts on this site for you below, it will help you to remember why you came to our recovery forum in the first place.
Cheers ~ NB
Originally Posted by Bruno1979 
My drinking consists of going to the pub after work having around 4-5 pints of lager and then heading home and probably having a bottle of wine,
At weekends things can get a little more severe, probably ditching the lager and hitting the wine straight away,
I don't go to the pub every night after work, perhaps 2/3 times a week. It really isn't doing my relationship any good whatsoever. My wife hasn't really mentioned too much about my drinking in the past, but she is beggining to notice that its got worse over the last 2 yrs.
I'm not addicted to alcohol, far from it. Infact sometimes when I find myself drinking after work I don't even know why I'm doing it. At weekends though, this is the time that I really enjoy it, having the time away from my business gives me the opportunity to really let rip in the evening, and as I say I can really knock back the wine. It does appear that its only me who's enjoying it though. I make promises to my kids that I can't keep, ie "we'll go swimming tomorrow" but when I wake the next morning I either can't remember saying what I've said, or a feel to hungover to carry out the promise.
It feels so good to be able to come on here annonimously(spelling?) And be able to open my heart and speak to other like minded people. Going to an AA meeting isn't the way I'd like to go at the moment as I'm happy to hide behind a keyboard, or my mobile phone in this case and discuss my problems. Its sad I know :-)
Thanks all for your comments,
Bruno.
At weekends things can get a little more severe, probably ditching the lager and hitting the wine straight away,
I don't go to the pub every night after work, perhaps 2/3 times a week. It really isn't doing my relationship any good whatsoever. My wife hasn't really mentioned too much about my drinking in the past, but she is beggining to notice that its got worse over the last 2 yrs.
I'm not addicted to alcohol, far from it. Infact sometimes when I find myself drinking after work I don't even know why I'm doing it. At weekends though, this is the time that I really enjoy it, having the time away from my business gives me the opportunity to really let rip in the evening, and as I say I can really knock back the wine. It does appear that its only me who's enjoying it though. I make promises to my kids that I can't keep, ie "we'll go swimming tomorrow" but when I wake the next morning I either can't remember saying what I've said, or a feel to hungover to carry out the promise.
It feels so good to be able to come on here annonimously(spelling?) And be able to open my heart and speak to other like minded people. Going to an AA meeting isn't the way I'd like to go at the moment as I'm happy to hide behind a keyboard, or my mobile phone in this case and discuss my problems. Its sad I know :-)
Thanks all for your comments,
Bruno.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi Bruno,
It's good to see you back and seeking support here.
I sense denial in your post too. You said you're not addicted to alcohol, far from it, so if that's true, then you would have no problem stopping drinking. Denial is such a huge part of addiction that it can totally distort out perspective.
It's good to see you back and seeking support here.
I sense denial in your post too. You said you're not addicted to alcohol, far from it, so if that's true, then you would have no problem stopping drinking. Denial is such a huge part of addiction that it can totally distort out perspective.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Bruno1979
Maybe I am normal and can have a couple of glasses and leave it which I will do. But if I was totally normal would I be posting my concerns on here after a glass of wine?
I guess not.
Its a strange world isn't it?
Bruno.
I guess not.
Its a strange world isn't it?
Bruno.
Looking back at it I now I cannot even fathom how I thought I was a normal drinker but now realize its the best way to keep on doing what your doing & for the alcoholic mind to protect itself against recovery/win.
It will win every time if you let it, lets change the game on this thing shall we?
We understand & are with you on this one. Lets give sobriety/recovery a fair shot with some good effort & commitment. You can do this!!!
Take Care ~ NB
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
What is positive about recovery is that they
never lock the doors to anyone. They are welcome
to come in and leave anytime they want. Just
knowing that if folks have a problem with addiction
they have a place to get information that could
and would help them learn to stay clean or sober
or gladly refund their misery if they go back out.
Recovery has never felt like a prison to me and
ive never felt like a captive or prisoner except
when i was drinking and living in my own hellish
world.
Its nice to not have shackles on my life today
and can live a life of freedom with a program
of recovery in place.
So can you.
never lock the doors to anyone. They are welcome
to come in and leave anytime they want. Just
knowing that if folks have a problem with addiction
they have a place to get information that could
and would help them learn to stay clean or sober
or gladly refund their misery if they go back out.
Recovery has never felt like a prison to me and
ive never felt like a captive or prisoner except
when i was drinking and living in my own hellish
world.
Its nice to not have shackles on my life today
and can live a life of freedom with a program
of recovery in place.
So can you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
Originally Posted by NewBeginning010
Hi Bruno,
Its great to hear that your family wasn't affected today but based on your previous posts it sounds like it has in the past (blacking out & not remembering what you said to them/breaking dates with the kids etc.).
I think you may have more of a problem than you think. I only say this to you as we tend to tell ourselves that things are better than they actually are... its easier, less scary & you don't have do anything. I say this in a loving/caring way my friend, complacency almost killed me.
A couple of questions if I may:
1) Do you think you have a problem? (if yes see 2)
2) Are you ready to make real changes? (if yes see 3)
3) What is your plan for recovery & change?
We are here to support you in your recovery in any way we can. You can do this. I have posted one of your earlier posts on this site for you below, it will help you to remember why you came to our recovery forum in the first place.
Cheers ~ NB
Its great to hear that your family wasn't affected today but based on your previous posts it sounds like it has in the past (blacking out & not remembering what you said to them/breaking dates with the kids etc.).
I think you may have more of a problem than you think. I only say this to you as we tend to tell ourselves that things are better than they actually are... its easier, less scary & you don't have do anything. I say this in a loving/caring way my friend, complacency almost killed me.
A couple of questions if I may:
1) Do you think you have a problem? (if yes see 2)
2) Are you ready to make real changes? (if yes see 3)
3) What is your plan for recovery & change?
We are here to support you in your recovery in any way we can. You can do this. I have posted one of your earlier posts on this site for you below, it will help you to remember why you came to our recovery forum in the first place.
Cheers ~ NB
Thank you so much for this post,
I have recently once again been forgetting who I actually am and have been maybe finding new ways to deal with my problems,
Reading your post has taken me back to where the problem really lies, I cannot kid myself anymore otherwise it will keep coming and coming again.
I aren't drinking now, infact I'm drinking diet coke and tucking into my pizza, its always been cut off point of mine where I can't eat and drink at the same time, for some reason it gives me lock jaw. The moment I eat then I lose interest in drinking, its like a safety net that as soon as I've crossed that line and eaten then I'm safe from the booze,
I've countered that in the past though by just not eating. Wrong I know. :-/. What ill do is take it on the chin, and look back on this post tomorrow and hopefully grow on it. I'm not drunk, and I don't intend on drinking again tonight, that's why I question myself as to whether I've got a problem. Hence the denial.
It is only down to luck though, if I hadn't have eaten then who knows what wouldve happened.
I really am a strange person as you can tell, but at the moment at least my wife and 3 young kids still love me and I'm only 32. There still hope yet.
Thanks again,
Bruno.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I think that it is the thought of drinking that is better than actually drinking
That doesn't mean giving up on feeling good. It just means we have to do some work to figure out what specific needs we're trying to fill with alcohol and start working on real, long-lasting solutions.
You can do it, Bruno..... You must want change or you wouldn't be here.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I was going to say what artsoul said. I absolutely agree.
Bruno we're always around - you're never alone. I'm glad you're keeping an eye on what's happening in your life and seeking change.
I absolutely agree.Bruno we're always around - you're never alone. I'm glad you're keeping an eye on what's happening in your life and seeking change.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I don't think normal drinkers post here for months Bruno - look back through your posts....clearly there's something bothering you.
If you don't want to go to an AA meeting or get any kind of outside help, then it's down to you mate.
I've seen it done
but if you find you can't stop drinking on your own tho you may have to revise that strategy?
D
If you don't want to go to an AA meeting or get any kind of outside help, then it's down to you mate.
I've seen it done
but if you find you can't stop drinking on your own tho you may have to revise that strategy?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
What made you want to quit in the first place Bruno?
I remember a long time ago writing a list of reasons why I wanted to quit drinking and a list of reasons why I didn't. I don't have to tell anyone which one was the longest.
I knew I had a problem anyway but what really consolidated it was that despite having pretty good reasons for wanting to quit, I was still drinking years later. And I wasn't enjoying it. It felt like I was doing it under duress and I did become physically dependent in that time.
Whatever you decide to do it's clear that drinking is making you feel bad and you seem to have some health concerns (I can relate
). If you think you're not an alcoholic a period of sobriety still wouldn't hurt. Have you mentioned your drinking to a doctor yet? If that is something you don't want to do you can also self refer to Aquarius http://www.aquarius.org.uk/newstokecas...they will help you with whatever you want to achieve, even if it's just cutting down.
p.s. Where's our local lake??
I remember a long time ago writing a list of reasons why I wanted to quit drinking and a list of reasons why I didn't. I don't have to tell anyone which one was the longest.
I knew I had a problem anyway but what really consolidated it was that despite having pretty good reasons for wanting to quit, I was still drinking years later. And I wasn't enjoying it. It felt like I was doing it under duress and I did become physically dependent in that time.
Whatever you decide to do it's clear that drinking is making you feel bad and you seem to have some health concerns (I can relate
). If you think you're not an alcoholic a period of sobriety still wouldn't hurt. Have you mentioned your drinking to a doctor yet? If that is something you don't want to do you can also self refer to Aquarius http://www.aquarius.org.uk/newstokecas...they will help you with whatever you want to achieve, even if it's just cutting down.p.s. Where's our local lake??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
Back on the rails
Thanks very much to everyone who replied?
I feel great today, I had a good day at work, plenty of physical exercise and I've drank loads of water and feel totally hydrated.
The sun is out and I can hear my 3 young kids playing in the garden and after I've typed this reply I'm going to go out and play with them. After they've gone to bed I'm looking forward to watching a film with the wife.
Thanks again for everybodies help.
Bruno.
Ps, the lake is rudyard lake near to leek :-)
I feel great today, I had a good day at work, plenty of physical exercise and I've drank loads of water and feel totally hydrated.
The sun is out and I can hear my 3 young kids playing in the garden and after I've typed this reply I'm going to go out and play with them. After they've gone to bed I'm looking forward to watching a film with the wife.
Thanks again for everybodies help.
Bruno.
Ps, the lake is rudyard lake near to leek :-)
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