workingknee

Hi All,

I'm in my 5th month sober now and have had, after the initial two weeks, no psychological cravings. Until the last few days.

I perhaps want to share or ask why?

At the moment I'm healthy (lost 12kg since sobriety) and everything is going well in my life (daughter happy, career great) but I'm still single, which is difficult - and my grandfather back home (I live permanently overseas) has just been given 8 weeks to live, after having been diagnosed with melanoma late last year. It's very sad, as it is with anyone who is diagnosed with cancer - especially for a very healthy person, which he is.

Anyway, I'm feeling so flat, been eating bread all day today which i haven't been for months, and when I went to the supermarket to get hommos I actually stood and browsed the wine, which I haven't done the entire time I've been sober. Was looking at the screw-top bottles since I threw out all the bottle openers in the house when I made the sober decision. I was honestly - 80% going through with buying wine in my mind. I didn't.

What I wanted to gauge was:
Should I start AA or a program now? (I've done it on my own thus far)
What can I do to stop myself from considering drinking, I don't want to be the girl who stares at wine in the supermarket for 15 minutes and walks out with sparkling water?
Has anyone got any advice for sadness due to family illness?

I'm just worried about the next months... I registered for a half marathon at the end of September, I need to keep training but feeling, oh so low.

Gosh!

Sorry to be on such a downer.

Hope all are well and happy and thank you for being there SR, its been you guys and just me this far, and I've never felt better in my life, until now.

xo

CarolD

I'm sorry your Grandfather got such bad news...

I'm glad to know you resisted temptation and your sobreity continues...

Please read this link and see if it helps you.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...xpereince.html

Jakeysnakey

Hey working,

I'm not entirely sure of the rules of this forum, if I can mention methods of recovery or not but I can share on my experience.

I heard an AA speaker say "we can't live if we're drinking, and we can't live without drinking" - meaning that if we drink we'll ruin our lives and if we don't drink our minds will drive us absolutely insane until we end up taking a drink.

Something HAS to give!! We have to learn how to be happy, contented, and JOYFUL in recovery or else why would we ever continue to do it?

As someone who can get addicted to pretty much anything, pick your poison, I can say the only thing that has worked for me are the 12 steps. I could quit for a few days, but inevitably my skin was crawling and my mind was jumping around so fast, either being totally abusive to myself or just in absolute obsession about something I know is unimportant but I'm POWERLESS to stop it. I've been working the steps for over a year and been abstinent for 5 months and I won't lie - it's not easy - but it's real. And I don't have cravings anymore (which is ridiculous).

Take care.

Missy7

I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I hope you get to see him.

But you are strong and you did the right thing!

I want to be the girl who stares at wine for 15 minutes and walks out with sparkling water--and so do you. Nothing matters except the walking out.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your news workingknee.
I think that would throw anyone for a spin tho, alcoholic or not.

I always say it's not the thoughts that count - it's what we do with them - and you did well

If you think you need extra support tho? then absolutely...go for it

supports one thing we can never have enough of I reckon

D

Sentso

Hey workingknee, sorry to hear you don't feel so good and got bad news, but glad that you actually wrote about it. And it's great you didn't buy any wine (especially in Paris, where wine is good and cheap... grrr...)
I have to get going, but I'll pass by later today or tonight. Have a nice sunday with your daughter! I think about you and hope you feel better.

Dee, it's not the thoughts, right, I did my best to keep that in mind yesterday, and today is quite the same... learning how to dissociate myself from these thoughts. I'll read again your post about urge surfing later. Thanks for always being around.

sugarbear1

Sending love and hugs your way

MalkavianEmily

workingknee - First things first, congratulations on not coming out with a bottle of wine. That takes some doing, believe me.

I hope you get to see your grandfather.

I know what you mean about not wanting to be the girl who stares at the wine for 15 minutes and then comes out with a bottle of sparkling water. Because I don't want to be the girl who stares at the fridge in the off licence, or the bottles of vodka for 5 minutes and then comes out with an energy drink. I don't want to stare at them at all. I just want to come out with the energy drink.

Love and hugs to you.

As to whether you should start a program, that may be a good idea. I know I was getting absolutely nowhere when I tried to quit on my own. So much so that I nearly gave up on quitting. I didn't and went to AA. [Other recovery programs are available. Your contentment in sobriety may go down as well as up.]
I'm looking for a sponsor at the moment, and I'm going to work the steps. Why? Because there's more to sobriety than just putting down the drink, and going to meetings, while it was a lot of help... wasn't quite enough to get rid of the cravings.

hypochondriac

I'm really sorry about your Grandfather Workingknee x

I am also 5 months sober and I am definitely stepping up the support myself. The first few months were hangover recovery for me and now I can really start working on my new sober life. And I will definitely be using all the help I can get. I'm going to AA (somewhat sporadically) and getting help from a local addiction agency too.

You should join us in Class of March too in the Newcomer daily support threads! It helps to have people to check in with and chat to about stuff xxx

workingknee

Hi all, I hope you are all well and healthy and happy. Sorry not to reply earlier. And Apologies in advance for a confusing message here - its very very hot in my apartment and I'm half-asleep:

So I've been working hard and training and enjoying summer - BUT - I have been drinking alcohol! I won't call it a relapse, I'll just call it momentary misjudgment.

I've probably drank on about 5 different occasions over the past 19 days. The times have been spread out and all very controlled and small amounts of alcohol: which is very surprising! And relieving, since as you know, I have a small child.

So, I feel as if I must have made some EMOTIONAL developments over the past 5 months that have allowed me to come to a place like this with alcohol - its amazing. My problem is this: and the reason I'm writing now and not just slinking off to go drink wine in the sun: no matter how little I have been drinking; I still do not like the fogginess of my consciousness - I do not enjoy it in the slightest - thanks to all this time accrued with a sober thought pattern, I'm now able to fully recognize what 'clarity' actually means. AND clarity is a very beautiful thing! Clarity is something I treasure in my life now exponentially.

So, I'm back to not drinking now. I did enjoy the social experiment, I knew I was in an emotionally sound place, that I was in a safe space to try to see what it could be like, and I am not angry at myself nor do I feel guilty. I feel grateful to be reminded of the slightest change that is enough for me to walk away for good.

So, here's to the truly great life and existence there exists in sobriety: it really is a blessing to find that YOU DON'T NEED OR WANT A CRUTCH or even YOU DON'T NEED OR WANT TO FEEL NUMB TO THE SHEER BEAUTY OF LIFE. It's truly about choosing a more active, clear and intelligent life that gives me the strength to come back to the sober life. I love it, and I feel truly glad to be writing this now.

With much love and hope,