A plan is what is needed to be successful from addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 8
A plan is what is needed to be successful from addiction
Hi all, long time reader, I've had bit of luck lately and would really make it all the way clear this time, so would appreciate some wisdom 
So its been roughly 5 weeks since I swallowed my last Tramadol. It's been a very tough ride and I've felt so bad sometimes that I wish I never stopped taking them because life was so much easier when I didn't have to deal with my true feelings. It feels like I've only just started scratching at the surface of whats really been causing me so many bad feelings these last years. I awake everyday with a feeling of dread, because I'm afraid of what lay ahead - the things I've set myself up to do, my responsibilities, both real and self imposed and I'm constantly surrounded by an overwhelming feeling of pressure.
This has been the cycle since I was 18, nearly 9 years ago and It still haunts me. The thing is that I've told myself I cant deal with life for so long that It's been embedded into my mind and I just trust my feelings are right. It's only natural to trust what you feel, but the more I'm getting into 'life' the more I'm realizing I have more reasons to distrust the feelings that are keeping locked into this horrible way of living. It's far easier to take some tablets, light up a spliff and just overrun what ever i'm feeling, rather than just dealing with why i'm feeling so bad.
So far I've been lucky to get this far and believe me, there have been some very close calls. Just relying on willpower wont be enough to carry me through life or denying myself opportunities to grow because I'm afraid. The next part of my recovery which has started today, will see me stopping smoking cannabis which I know is going to be a very tough battle because how entwined I've become in the lifestyle of getting 'high' anytime or anywhere I want.
So i need a better way of living life because relying on pure luck or willpower wont allow me to ever get out of this cycle.
Now where do I begin?
So its been roughly 5 weeks since I swallowed my last Tramadol. It's been a very tough ride and I've felt so bad sometimes that I wish I never stopped taking them because life was so much easier when I didn't have to deal with my true feelings. It feels like I've only just started scratching at the surface of whats really been causing me so many bad feelings these last years. I awake everyday with a feeling of dread, because I'm afraid of what lay ahead - the things I've set myself up to do, my responsibilities, both real and self imposed and I'm constantly surrounded by an overwhelming feeling of pressure.
This has been the cycle since I was 18, nearly 9 years ago and It still haunts me. The thing is that I've told myself I cant deal with life for so long that It's been embedded into my mind and I just trust my feelings are right. It's only natural to trust what you feel, but the more I'm getting into 'life' the more I'm realizing I have more reasons to distrust the feelings that are keeping locked into this horrible way of living. It's far easier to take some tablets, light up a spliff and just overrun what ever i'm feeling, rather than just dealing with why i'm feeling so bad.
So far I've been lucky to get this far and believe me, there have been some very close calls. Just relying on willpower wont be enough to carry me through life or denying myself opportunities to grow because I'm afraid. The next part of my recovery which has started today, will see me stopping smoking cannabis which I know is going to be a very tough battle because how entwined I've become in the lifestyle of getting 'high' anytime or anywhere I want.
So i need a better way of living life because relying on pure luck or willpower wont allow me to ever get out of this cycle.
Now where do I begin?
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Welcome to SR!
I only drank and smoked weed. I gave both up a little over a year ago.
We have a substance forum as well as an alcohol forum. Scroll down and take a look at the different forums.
Give up the weed, too, if you can. Staying stopped can be done. There are many programs to help with support. Rational Recovery, AVRT, SMART, NA, SOS to name most. I believe there are others, too.
Find something and work it like you used to work your drugs. You've made a great beginning!
Glad you are here!
Hugs,
I only drank and smoked weed. I gave both up a little over a year ago.
We have a substance forum as well as an alcohol forum. Scroll down and take a look at the different forums.
Give up the weed, too, if you can. Staying stopped can be done. There are many programs to help with support. Rational Recovery, AVRT, SMART, NA, SOS to name most. I believe there are others, too.
Find something and work it like you used to work your drugs. You've made a great beginning!
Glad you are here!
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR mrDisFunktional
Well done on your 5 weeks! You haven't mentioned any support...have you spoken to a doctor or anything yet?
Usually in the UK there are local drug and alcohol agencies which you can self refer to. I'd imagine the extent of these services differ in different areas but it would be worth doing a bit of research. Otherwise there are all the programs Sugarbear mentioned
Glad you are here x SR is a great support in itself x
(ps. I'm not sure how your post has managed to be missed for 2 days
But thank you for bumping it! )
Well done on your 5 weeks! You haven't mentioned any support...have you spoken to a doctor or anything yet?
Usually in the UK there are local drug and alcohol agencies which you can self refer to. I'd imagine the extent of these services differ in different areas but it would be worth doing a bit of research. Otherwise there are all the programs Sugarbear mentioned
Glad you are here x SR is a great support in itself x
(ps. I'm not sure how your post has managed to be missed for 2 days
But thank you for bumping it! )
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by mrDisFunktional 
So far I've been lucky to get this far
5 weeks is a HUGE accomplishment!! Its not because of luck. It took a decision, strenght and endurance. You should be proud of yourself!!!!
Take one day at a time or one hour at a time if you need to. Don't overwhelm yourself with everyting at once. Keep posting.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
G'morning mr,
SR has been a HUGE part of my program. Staying in the atmosphere of recovery. I also took advantage of NA resources early in my recovery. Again, the atmosphere of recovery. Learning about solutions and how others learned to live clean, what helped them, what didn't help them. HOPE. I needed hope.
As time went on, and I began to gain insight into MY issues, and what made me turn away from life and to substances, I sought out resources that were specifically aimed at addressing those things.
I live in a very isolated area, so the net has been my best friend. I search high and low for articles, practices, anything that will help me move forward in life, and learn the attitudes and skills I need to deal WITH life, rather than running from it.
Honesty is my best friend. Bravery is a close second. Being willing to risk feeling, risk falling, risk experiencing myself and others and life in a new way.
Making intentional time for recovery work has been huge. To factor it into my day as rigorously as I make sure I get to work on time, meet my dr's appointments etc.
It's not optional, it's essential. I take my meds, eat healthy food, work my recovery. Over time working my recovery is less about not using, and more about authentically living. But it's still recovery.
I am not just recovering from using. I am recovering, rediscovering, regaining life itself.
Getting over wanting to use was just the start. Creating a life I don't want to run away from is the adventure.
SR has been a HUGE part of my program. Staying in the atmosphere of recovery. I also took advantage of NA resources early in my recovery. Again, the atmosphere of recovery. Learning about solutions and how others learned to live clean, what helped them, what didn't help them. HOPE. I needed hope.
As time went on, and I began to gain insight into MY issues, and what made me turn away from life and to substances, I sought out resources that were specifically aimed at addressing those things.
I live in a very isolated area, so the net has been my best friend. I search high and low for articles, practices, anything that will help me move forward in life, and learn the attitudes and skills I need to deal WITH life, rather than running from it.
Honesty is my best friend. Bravery is a close second. Being willing to risk feeling, risk falling, risk experiencing myself and others and life in a new way.
Making intentional time for recovery work has been huge. To factor it into my day as rigorously as I make sure I get to work on time, meet my dr's appointments etc.
It's not optional, it's essential. I take my meds, eat healthy food, work my recovery. Over time working my recovery is less about not using, and more about authentically living. But it's still recovery.
I am not just recovering from using. I am recovering, rediscovering, regaining life itself.
Getting over wanting to use was just the start. Creating a life I don't want to run away from is the adventure.
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