Is this even possible?
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Is this even possible?
A very close friend was recently hospitalized and her experience became my wake up call and got me here. I figured I'd be next or at the very least was headed down the same road. We were drinking buddies, although I had no idea how much drinking she was actually doing. It all came out when family and friends put together what they had seen and it added up to her drinking every day, hiding bottles of booze, drinking on the job,etc. I never realized how far it had gone-I saw the signs but it just never occurred to me what was happening.
Fast forward to now, a few weeks later. She's claiming to have been sober since early July (I know that's not true-she was caught with booze at least 5 times right after she got out) with no physical symptoms of withdrawal. The last week she is looking and sounding great, working 6 nights a week and still claiming to be sober (bloodwork and tests this week may have helped her stay straight).
I know how hard it's been for me to make it to 12 days, and I wasn't drinking nearly as much as she was. I've had withdrawal symptoms. Is it possible she is really sober with no symptoms when she was drinking that heavily? Or, is it more likely she's still sneaking it and talking a good game? I want to be helpful to her, but if she's in complete denial it's hard. She keeps mentioning how the doctors would have said something if the problem were alcohol related and they didn't. Am I just jealous that she's sailing through with no issues instead of just being happy for her? It just seems hard to believe after all I've read on here.
If you were in denial before you stopped, is there something someone said that helped you turn the corner? Was there a way people treated you that was more helpful to you?
Fast forward to now, a few weeks later. She's claiming to have been sober since early July (I know that's not true-she was caught with booze at least 5 times right after she got out) with no physical symptoms of withdrawal. The last week she is looking and sounding great, working 6 nights a week and still claiming to be sober (bloodwork and tests this week may have helped her stay straight).
I know how hard it's been for me to make it to 12 days, and I wasn't drinking nearly as much as she was. I've had withdrawal symptoms. Is it possible she is really sober with no symptoms when she was drinking that heavily? Or, is it more likely she's still sneaking it and talking a good game? I want to be helpful to her, but if she's in complete denial it's hard. She keeps mentioning how the doctors would have said something if the problem were alcohol related and they didn't. Am I just jealous that she's sailing through with no issues instead of just being happy for her? It just seems hard to believe after all I've read on here.
If you were in denial before you stopped, is there something someone said that helped you turn the corner? Was there a way people treated you that was more helpful to you?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
I have no idea whether your friends telling the truth or not NoFireWater - only she'd know that.
I do know that my recoveries have varied widely...I had times when I felt on top of the world and times when it took me a week to get out of bed....
The fact is...the only recovery you should be worried about is yours right now...that's enough responsibility for anyone, I think
and no nothing anyone ever said made a difference to me...not until I was ready to accept my reality.
D
I do know that my recoveries have varied widely...I had times when I felt on top of the world and times when it took me a week to get out of bed....
The fact is...the only recovery you should be worried about is yours right now...that's enough responsibility for anyone, I think
and no nothing anyone ever said made a difference to me...not until I was ready to accept my reality.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 117
I think recovery must be different for each of us.
I am still early in mine (Day 3) and I have had very minor detox symptoms--and I drank quite heavily, daily for almost 20 years. I have had a couple of bouts of minor agitation and anxiety and a little back pain last night, but nothing like what I have read and nothing like what so many of the people have suffered on SR. No shakes, no sweats, no insomnia, no hallucinations and oddly, no real strong cravings for alcohol.
Again, I am so new to recovery that I am clueless and I have no idea what the next days, weeks or years will bring, but your friend may indeed be telling the truth.
Whatever the case, I am glad YOU are here and that YOU are recovering!
I am still early in mine (Day 3) and I have had very minor detox symptoms--and I drank quite heavily, daily for almost 20 years. I have had a couple of bouts of minor agitation and anxiety and a little back pain last night, but nothing like what I have read and nothing like what so many of the people have suffered on SR. No shakes, no sweats, no insomnia, no hallucinations and oddly, no real strong cravings for alcohol.
Again, I am so new to recovery that I am clueless and I have no idea what the next days, weeks or years will bring, but your friend may indeed be telling the truth.
Whatever the case, I am glad YOU are here and that YOU are recovering!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
You arent doing yourself a favor by comparing yourself to your friend. But you can lead by example and be proud of your 12 days. You know how you feel & in the long run, you'll see the difference between real sobriety and lying to yourself and others.
your friend may be in denial, but you can't drag her.
protect yourself right now and congrats on stopping
your friend may be in denial, but you can't drag her.
protect yourself right now and congrats on stopping
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
The medical people don't really understand alcoholism. Every person is different.
I can't compare to anyone else (I'm a light-weight?!), but my consequences of my drinking and my body told me I AM an alcoholic. That is all that matters. And not drinking.
I'm okay today. That is priceless!
You can help your friend just by being a friend. Nothing you can do to make her stop or make her drink. Just be there for her.
I can't compare to anyone else (I'm a light-weight?!), but my consequences of my drinking and my body told me I AM an alcoholic. That is all that matters. And not drinking.
I'm okay today. That is priceless!
You can help your friend just by being a friend. Nothing you can do to make her stop or make her drink. Just be there for her.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Firstly look after your own sobriety, you can be a source of inspiration and hope for your friend.
If she's lying the truth will out, remember you're looking at her outside compairing it to your inside .
If you're worried about her drinking secretly then i suppose you could just say that, and you'd appreciate the truth even if she wants to carry on drinking, it's her decision afterall . I found being able to tell a friend who in the past was just as bad or worse than myself exactly what i was doing extreemly cathartic in my journey towards sobriety .
Bestwishes and congratulations, M
If she's lying the truth will out, remember you're looking at her outside compairing it to your inside .
If you're worried about her drinking secretly then i suppose you could just say that, and you'd appreciate the truth even if she wants to carry on drinking, it's her decision afterall . I found being able to tell a friend who in the past was just as bad or worse than myself exactly what i was doing extreemly cathartic in my journey towards sobriety .
Bestwishes and congratulations, M
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,332
NoFireWater,
I too have a friend whose experience served as a wake up call. Sadly, she is not doing very well. I am there for her as a friend and offer her my support. I always advise her to get in touch with her sponsor (she is in AA) and or, other support people, as I am new in my recovery. I leave the "heavy" support to those with more experience, and save my energy for my own recovery. Congratulations on your twelve days - you're almost to two weeks
I too have a friend whose experience served as a wake up call. Sadly, she is not doing very well. I am there for her as a friend and offer her my support. I always advise her to get in touch with her sponsor (she is in AA) and or, other support people, as I am new in my recovery. I leave the "heavy" support to those with more experience, and save my energy for my own recovery. Congratulations on your twelve days - you're almost to two weeks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
it's not a fair assessment to say "medical people don't really understand alcoholism". Addiction and the treatment of is covered during Family Medicine, Psychiatry and GIM rotations in the 3rd year of medical school and beyond.....
However, many GP physicians are lacking in discussing the patients dependence and will just refer them to an addicition specialist...many of whom do not accept insurance.
However, many GP physicians are lacking in discussing the patients dependence and will just refer them to an addicition specialist...many of whom do not accept insurance.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Thanks for replies everyone! I am working on my own thing and I realize she has to make the decision on her own. Her family is as concerned as I am. She had such a close call we all just hate to sit back and do nothing and not be as lucky next time around.
It sounds like it is possible to just sail right through with very little symptoms so I'll mentally relax and continue to be there for her. If she really is stopping we can be good support for each other in the future.
It sounds like it is possible to just sail right through with very little symptoms so I'll mentally relax and continue to be there for her. If she really is stopping we can be good support for each other in the future.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
I'd venture to say that if she's not being honest, you'll more than likely be the one she may turn to...one day, hopefully.
There was not any one thing that was said to me to make me stop..I had just had enough and was willing to put in the work I needed to...plain and simple.
I have a friend that I KNOW is addicted to opiates...not my poison, but I've done plenty of research on it so that hopefully when that day comes, I'll have some understanding of what she's going through. In the meantime,...I wait...she knows I'm here. That's the saddest part about addiction...it holds everyone hostage.
There was not any one thing that was said to me to make me stop..I had just had enough and was willing to put in the work I needed to...plain and simple.
I have a friend that I KNOW is addicted to opiates...not my poison, but I've done plenty of research on it so that hopefully when that day comes, I'll have some understanding of what she's going through. In the meantime,...I wait...she knows I'm here. That's the saddest part about addiction...it holds everyone hostage.
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
NoFireWater,
"If you were in denial before you stopped, is there something someone said that helped you turn the corner? Was there a way people treated you that was more helpful to you?"
Yes, reading the stories in this room was what kicked me out of denial.
"If you were in denial before you stopped, is there something someone said that helped you turn the corner? Was there a way people treated you that was more helpful to you?"
Yes, reading the stories in this room was what kicked me out of denial.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Update on friend...I think her plan is to drink once in awhile, and abstain the rest of the time. She figures drinking once a week is so much better than where she was she's doing well (in some ways, very true). She said she had
"one" last night (reeked of booze this morning, doubt it was one). So, I think it's going to be denial, bouts of sobriety mixed with slips, and she's still counting the days like the slips never happened. She's at "30 days" now. I think it's a good step though that she's admitting she was drinking a lot, can at least joke and talk with me, and is listening to what I'm saying about me stopping. One step at a time.
"one" last night (reeked of booze this morning, doubt it was one). So, I think it's going to be denial, bouts of sobriety mixed with slips, and she's still counting the days like the slips never happened. She's at "30 days" now. I think it's a good step though that she's admitting she was drinking a lot, can at least joke and talk with me, and is listening to what I'm saying about me stopping. One step at a time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
