So here I am..just no longer lurking!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Spanaway,wa
Posts: 111
So here I am..just no longer lurking!
After MONTHS of lurking on these threads I've finally decided to step into the light! I'm now finding myself being completley lost and confused and you all seem so very helpful!
Ive been sober for three days now. I've been quite successful at staying this way for about 7-10 days and will then start over again for a couple days. The sad part is, is I don't know what my trigger is. AT ALL. I will be so proud of myself for going so long and one day justify to myself that I can have that one "reward" drink. That then turns into several. I completley understand my addiction. Im now a liar. A trait that I resent from others. My drinking started as the usual social drinking, then on weekends with my husband, then on week nights with my husband.
I hold a great deal of anger twards my husband because I don't feel like he understands. He will get completley angry with me if I slip and drink again. Call me names, say Im a bad mom and he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Yet he drinks too! Ive asked him to support me, go to counseling with me, try to better our whole families lives. I'll have not drank in a couple days and he will ASK if I want to get drunk with him or "hey just try a sip". My kids have found a few hidden bottles of alcohol and he says he is hiding it so I wont drink it! I get so angry when he knows Im trying and he shows up with beer, sits in the other room downing about 6 and also swigging his bottle, totally detatched from me cause Im not drinking. I ASKED him yesterday to not bring alcohol in the house and he shows up with an 18pk of bud light right infront of my face. And I also know that there is a hidden bottle. THIS makes me want a drink!
I know he isnt my problem. Alcohol and myself are my problem. I need to only worry about myself right now. But HOW can I when I feel like its being slapped in my face?
Aahh..enough rant. Any advice on how I can remain sober even while dealing with this? (oh yes, he wants to seperate now too) I feel like the stress of my life as it is is too much for me to handle right now, how can I handle adding quitting to it?
Ive been sober for three days now. I've been quite successful at staying this way for about 7-10 days and will then start over again for a couple days. The sad part is, is I don't know what my trigger is. AT ALL. I will be so proud of myself for going so long and one day justify to myself that I can have that one "reward" drink. That then turns into several. I completley understand my addiction. Im now a liar. A trait that I resent from others. My drinking started as the usual social drinking, then on weekends with my husband, then on week nights with my husband.
I hold a great deal of anger twards my husband because I don't feel like he understands. He will get completley angry with me if I slip and drink again. Call me names, say Im a bad mom and he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Yet he drinks too! Ive asked him to support me, go to counseling with me, try to better our whole families lives. I'll have not drank in a couple days and he will ASK if I want to get drunk with him or "hey just try a sip". My kids have found a few hidden bottles of alcohol and he says he is hiding it so I wont drink it! I get so angry when he knows Im trying and he shows up with beer, sits in the other room downing about 6 and also swigging his bottle, totally detatched from me cause Im not drinking. I ASKED him yesterday to not bring alcohol in the house and he shows up with an 18pk of bud light right infront of my face. And I also know that there is a hidden bottle. THIS makes me want a drink!
I know he isnt my problem. Alcohol and myself are my problem. I need to only worry about myself right now. But HOW can I when I feel like its being slapped in my face?
Aahh..enough rant. Any advice on how I can remain sober even while dealing with this? (oh yes, he wants to seperate now too) I feel like the stress of my life as it is is too much for me to handle right now, how can I handle adding quitting to it?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 117
I am so sorry to hear about your struggle, but there are wonderful people here to listen to and support you. Alcohol weaves its way into so many aspects of our lives that we often think they are totally connected--and in some ways they are--but for me I am finding that I am having to focus simply on not drinking, and nothing else right now.
I'm sure that seems hard when everything is angry, confusing, turbulent and swirling around, but sometimes the only thing you can currently control at this very moment is not taking a drink. I would focus on that as much as possible and try not to let the alcohol beast trick you into thinking you need to do otherwise until you are ready.
Hang in there and get some help if you need to whether it is a counselor, minister or just a good (non-alcoholic) friend. I wish you peace and light.
I'm sure that seems hard when everything is angry, confusing, turbulent and swirling around, but sometimes the only thing you can currently control at this very moment is not taking a drink. I would focus on that as much as possible and try not to let the alcohol beast trick you into thinking you need to do otherwise until you are ready.
Hang in there and get some help if you need to whether it is a counselor, minister or just a good (non-alcoholic) friend. I wish you peace and light.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 138
The only person you can change is you. I believe you need a plan of recovery and a support system. When I was ready to get sober I went to AA. I needed the face to face support and structure that AA offerred. I needed to hear and see what others did to get sober and then follow their examples. If AA isn't for you then find another program of recovery that works for you, commit to a program, and follow through. Recovery is hard work especially in the beginning. Nothing changes if nothing change. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Spanaway,wa
Posts: 111
Thank you all! Your amazing supportivness and bright attitudes twards this is exactly why I decided to finally post!
I actually went down and signed up for an outpatient treatment but wasn't able to attend because of the strict schedule they required of you. The one counseler there was telling me about the AA meetings and that most of them were "gross". Coming from counseler that is there to help. That freaked me out and now Im scared to find out what "gross" is. I found that my church has a 12 step support group called "water for life" that meets every Thursday. Im going to try that! (assuming my husband will keep the kids for me to go). I NEED to stay sober for myself and also my kids. Its scarey for me. I usually do my online classes at night with a glass of wine. When school starts again Im afraid of how Im going to handle that. Its these stupid little habits that will scare you away.
I actually went down and signed up for an outpatient treatment but wasn't able to attend because of the strict schedule they required of you. The one counseler there was telling me about the AA meetings and that most of them were "gross". Coming from counseler that is there to help. That freaked me out and now Im scared to find out what "gross" is. I found that my church has a 12 step support group called "water for life" that meets every Thursday. Im going to try that! (assuming my husband will keep the kids for me to go). I NEED to stay sober for myself and also my kids. Its scarey for me. I usually do my online classes at night with a glass of wine. When school starts again Im afraid of how Im going to handle that. Its these stupid little habits that will scare you away.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: KY
Posts: 80
I just wanted to say welcome, and congrats on your 3 days sober!
I'm sorry you're dealing with such a difficult situation. Remember, your top priority is sobriety right now. You need to focus on you. Do you have any other support? Anyone you can talk to about the problems you're dealing with? Good luck, I'm wishing you the best!
I'm sorry you're dealing with such a difficult situation. Remember, your top priority is sobriety right now. You need to focus on you. Do you have any other support? Anyone you can talk to about the problems you're dealing with? Good luck, I'm wishing you the best!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I'm really glad you decided to post. It sounds like a difficult situation with your husband drinking at home, but you can still stop drinking and recover, even with him drinking. Just really focus on yourself and what you need to do to stay sober. My triggers were so many things that I realized I simply didn't know how to deal with daily stresses. So, I had a lot of work to do on myself.
Know that you can do this.
Know that you can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
I'd also like to welcome you and congratulate you on your three, soon to be four, days of sobriety. Sounds like your church has a nice program and is a setting you'd feel comfortable in. Focus on yourself and your children for now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
welcome to the posting side of SR hrich1122 
Having a partner who drinks makes it a little more of a challenge but it needn't be a dealbreaker - in a way all of us are non drinkers in a drinking world anyway
Supports really important tho, so I'm glad you've joined us and glad you're looking for other support as well
Really glad you've joined us
D
Having a partner who drinks makes it a little more of a challenge but it needn't be a dealbreaker - in a way all of us are non drinkers in a drinking world anyway
Supports really important tho, so I'm glad you've joined us and glad you're looking for other support as well
Really glad you've joined us
D
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 48
I know somewhat how you feel. My husband hasn't really talked to me in 2 days, since I told him I am unhappy in our marriage. Many people here have said I sshould just work on me right now, but I have to face all my problems or I will just want to run and hide behind alcohol. Ironically tonight a friend of his gave him a big bottle of whiskey, there's 3 beers in the fridge and long island ice tea mix in the freezer' ha ha ha....... I just got done with a 6 mile run, husband is in bed , I'm going to take a shower have some cheese and crackers and watch a movie with my daughter. I feel great, because I know I am dealing with my problems, facing them head on, and I can see straight, walk straight, think straight and wake up tomorrow and clean my house, do yard work and feel emotionally exhausted but okay it's different for everyone and I have always been an all or nothing gal, so I'm giving it my all. If he chooses to come with me then great, if not, then such is life, I will go on and so can you. I'm soooo sorry that he involves your kids, my kids know mom loves to drink but that is the extent, and my heart would be breaking too if my husband was bringing them into it. Be strong, be proud, and give it your all.
it's different for everyone and I have always been an all or nothing gal, so I'm giving it my all. If he chooses to come with me then great, if not, then such is life, I will go on and so can you. I'm soooo sorry that he involves your kids, my kids know mom loves to drink but that is the extent, and my heart would be breaking too if my husband was bringing them into it. Be strong, be proud, and give it your all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Spanaway,wa
Posts: 111
Humiliated- Thank you for your input. Its nice to have someone to relate to in a different manner also. My husband hasnt talked to me in 4 days because of the same issue. I whole heartedly believe and know that I have to focus only on myself. Yet I keep feeling like I need to deal with my crumbling marriage. EVERY time he upsets me (which is often) I want to run right to alcohol. So im finding it to be quite a struggle when not only am I upset with him, hes acting like I'm a complete idiot, purposly bringing alcohol into the house and slamming it in my face and now the thought of divorce. This stress is HORRIBLE!!! The kids are a major issue with me. Im a SAHM. I have them all of the time yet he portrays me as a bad mother. He will tell me 4 year old about my drinking. They even found a hidden bottle of HIS alcohol and he told them it was mine. I have faith that I CAN and WILL do this and Ive been feeling stronger every hour that passes. Maybe my kids and I can go out tomorrow and find a hobby for me!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
well done on your commitment and achievement.
I agree that alcohol is our problem. Other people may have their own. I have no advice, relationships are hard, but drink is not a cure for a troubled relationship.
I agree that alcohol is our problem. Other people may have their own. I have no advice, relationships are hard, but drink is not a cure for a troubled relationship.
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