Are we ever NOT newcomers???
Undrunk since Jan28 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 13
Are we ever NOT newcomers???
Good morning! Today is 6 months dry for me, F-n A on that!
Just a thought here, I haven't felt the need to post anywhere else, really, it's always new to me, it seems... Every day I run into something I didn't think of, a situation I never experienced sober. Weird.
Lately, I have been having multiple dreams every single night, about having a drink without the wife knowing, that part is quick, and then the dream goes FOREVER with me not knowing what to say to her, wanting the sober time back, wanting the day count to not be at one again. I don't like to even kinda lie to her, so basically, the majority of the dream is shame of what I "did", shame I haven't told her, and regret, like I undid all the good I had accomplished.
I'm pretty damn sure that if I did have a drink, I would feel the regret, and the shame, but I wouldn't have a problem telling her, or feeling like I had undid anything. It would be a setback, for sure, but not a deal-breaker by any means. It sure is unsettling to have these dreams, though, especially every night, multiple times a night, for maybe the past 2 weeks or so.
Anyways, life is stressful. I dropped out of school at 13, got my GED at 16, and have been working since. I start college next month, only took me 17 years to enroll............. Me doing it prompted my wife to go back to finish her associates, and get started on a bachelors. So life is, in fact, getting better, but holy crapoly *getting* better is stressful!
I'd like to thank everyone here for "being there" for me... I rarely talk, and only read occasionally, but just having the forum helps a lot.
Just a thought here, I haven't felt the need to post anywhere else, really, it's always new to me, it seems... Every day I run into something I didn't think of, a situation I never experienced sober. Weird.
Lately, I have been having multiple dreams every single night, about having a drink without the wife knowing, that part is quick, and then the dream goes FOREVER with me not knowing what to say to her, wanting the sober time back, wanting the day count to not be at one again. I don't like to even kinda lie to her, so basically, the majority of the dream is shame of what I "did", shame I haven't told her, and regret, like I undid all the good I had accomplished.
I'm pretty damn sure that if I did have a drink, I would feel the regret, and the shame, but I wouldn't have a problem telling her, or feeling like I had undid anything. It would be a setback, for sure, but not a deal-breaker by any means. It sure is unsettling to have these dreams, though, especially every night, multiple times a night, for maybe the past 2 weeks or so.
Anyways, life is stressful. I dropped out of school at 13, got my GED at 16, and have been working since. I start college next month, only took me 17 years to enroll............. Me doing it prompted my wife to go back to finish her associates, and get started on a bachelors. So life is, in fact, getting better, but holy crapoly *getting* better is stressful!
I'd like to thank everyone here for "being there" for me... I rarely talk, and only read occasionally, but just having the forum helps a lot.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
As long as I remain teachable then I
will always be learning like a newcomer
with many one days at a time of experiences,
strengths and hopes to share along my
road of recovery walk of life.
will always be learning like a newcomer
with many one days at a time of experiences,
strengths and hopes to share along my
road of recovery walk of life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Congratulations on 6 months - what a fantastic achievement. Wonderful! Good for you.
I have dreams like that sometimes, too. I'm almost 4 months sober and I probably dream about drinking maybe once a week. It's the same sort of thing - the actual drinking bit is very short but the rest - the guilt, the shame, the telling everyone and the feeling that I'd ruined everything, seems to last forever. I put it down to the fact that my sobriety is so important to me - I'm very proud of it and enjoying every minute of it. I think perhaps my brain is reminding me of what could be if things don't continue this way... of what could happen if I just have one drink. It doesn't really bother me - in fact, I think it's a good thing. I used to wake up after these dreams and feel like I'd actually drank for a good few hours and feel guilty about it... but now it doesn't concern me. It's a healthy reminder that nothing is set in stone... anything could be out there in the future, and I need to make sure I'm adamant in my sobriety every single day.
Congrats again!
I have dreams like that sometimes, too. I'm almost 4 months sober and I probably dream about drinking maybe once a week. It's the same sort of thing - the actual drinking bit is very short but the rest - the guilt, the shame, the telling everyone and the feeling that I'd ruined everything, seems to last forever. I put it down to the fact that my sobriety is so important to me - I'm very proud of it and enjoying every minute of it. I think perhaps my brain is reminding me of what could be if things don't continue this way... of what could happen if I just have one drink. It doesn't really bother me - in fact, I think it's a good thing. I used to wake up after these dreams and feel like I'd actually drank for a good few hours and feel guilty about it... but now it doesn't concern me. It's a healthy reminder that nothing is set in stone... anything could be out there in the future, and I need to make sure I'm adamant in my sobriety every single day.
Congrats again!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
First off I would like to thank you
And congrats on your milestone, as for remaining a newcomer I will hopefully always be new. I cant forget that and keeps me in touch.
Like it was said, always remain open-minded and teachable.
And congrats on your milestone, as for remaining a newcomer I will hopefully always be new. I cant forget that and keeps me in touch.
Like it was said, always remain open-minded and teachable.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
This is probably not what you intended, FormerDrunko, but your post gave me some much needed joy and hope.
We are always newcomers.
The stress and regret--I think they are the birthpangs of our new selves. And if we keep growing, then we keep feeling them.
Thank you for writing today.
We are always newcomers.
The stress and regret--I think they are the birthpangs of our new selves. And if we keep growing, then we keep feeling them.
Thank you for writing today.
Undrunk since Jan28 2012
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by miamifella 
This is probably not what you intended, FormerDrunko, but your post gave me some much needed joy and hope.
We are always newcomers.
The stress and regret--I think they are the birthpangs of our new selves. And if we keep growing, then we keep feeling them.
Thank you for writing today.
We are always newcomers.
The stress and regret--I think they are the birthpangs of our new selves. And if we keep growing, then we keep feeling them.
Thank you for writing today.
On another note, I have lost touch with almost all of my former friends... I have one friend who quit drinking also, and another friend who drinks, just not like I drank. Both are great friends, and I'm glad they're still around. I had such a strong alcoholic base before, I realize... I'm glad I have a great wife!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Although I'm a firm believer in always being open-minded, learning, and being teachable, I am not a fan of folks who always want to see themselves as 'newcomers,' at least not in AA.
There's a saying in AA: "The newcomer in the most important person in the room." Unfortunately, the folks I've seen who like to consider themselves as always newcomers, always seem to like to be the center of attention (the most important persons in the rooms).
(o:
NOT a newcomer
There's a saying in AA: "The newcomer in the most important person in the room." Unfortunately, the folks I've seen who like to consider themselves as always newcomers, always seem to like to be the center of attention (the most important persons in the rooms).
(o:
NOT a newcomer
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Well done on six months.
with respect to the stress. I think about it this way. Am I more functional, or doing more? Is it working? what is my subjective state 'telling' me?
I have found there is a need to change the way I approach things- I think of it as growing- it does not come easy, we need to work it
with respect to the stress. I think about it this way. Am I more functional, or doing more? Is it working? what is my subjective state 'telling' me?
I have found there is a need to change the way I approach things- I think of it as growing- it does not come easy, we need to work it
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by NoelleR
Although I'm a firm believer in always being open-minded, learning, and being teachable, I am not a fan of folks who always want to see themselves as 'newcomers,' at least not in AA.
There's a saying in AA: "The newcomer in the most important person in the room." Unfortunately, the folks I've seen who like to consider themselves as always newcomers, always seem to like to be the center of attention (the most important persons in the rooms).
(o:
NOT a newcomer
There's a saying in AA: "The newcomer in the most important person in the room." Unfortunately, the folks I've seen who like to consider themselves as always newcomers, always seem to like to be the center of attention (the most important persons in the rooms).
(o:
NOT a newcomer
Sorry your not a fan but I will always remain new, and I do not need the attention from it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Former, I'm glad you are doing so well!
I post a lot on this forum and I've been the "newbie" to quitting many a time, and not ashamed to admit it. I still learn from others every day....I feel sorry for people who feel they know all there is to know and have nothing more to learn.
I post a lot on this forum and I've been the "newbie" to quitting many a time, and not ashamed to admit it. I still learn from others every day....I feel sorry for people who feel they know all there is to know and have nothing more to learn.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Formerdrinko congrats on the 6 months,
I am 14 months sober and still hangout on the newcomers forum. To read posts and hopefully be supportive. By reading newcomers posts and the hell that they are going through is an important reminder of where I have come from and could easily slip back to iif I pick up a drink.
I love the raw honesty of the newcomers posts.
Love
CaiHong
I am 14 months sober and still hangout on the newcomers forum. To read posts and hopefully be supportive. By reading newcomers posts and the hell that they are going through is an important reminder of where I have come from and could easily slip back to iif I pick up a drink.
I love the raw honesty of the newcomers posts.
Love
CaiHong
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
There are forums for each month of the year. When did you commit to staying stopped? Find that forum. There's another on books, another on the first year, another on after the first year.... Lots of forums on this site! Take a look around!
Take a look around!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,833
I'm a little over 3 years sober now and I often still feel like a newcomer. I always find something worthwhile and inspirational in this forum. From one "former" to another, congrats on 6 months!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I don't feel like a newcomer very much. If I remember those first few days of withdrawal, the shaky grip I had on myself and my emotions, the panic that was just under the surface, I realize that I have come such a long ways.
I had built some high walls around me with my drinking, I had alienated myself from my friends and family and withdrawn from the responsibility and experience of daily life. I had abandoned my hobbies and given up on my talents, and stopped seeing the joy and beauty in the simplest of things. Those days are far behind me now.
In some sense, I am a newcomer, but not to sobriety, but I am a newcomer to the gift of each present moment.
It just isn't for me, the concept of walking a tightrope, of constant vigilance against returning to that miserable existence. I have too much to do these days to spend my hours twisting my hankie over picking up a drink. There is not a single thing that could ever make me return to that day when I vowed to not drink anymore.
Nope.
I had built some high walls around me with my drinking, I had alienated myself from my friends and family and withdrawn from the responsibility and experience of daily life. I had abandoned my hobbies and given up on my talents, and stopped seeing the joy and beauty in the simplest of things. Those days are far behind me now.
In some sense, I am a newcomer, but not to sobriety, but I am a newcomer to the gift of each present moment.
It just isn't for me, the concept of walking a tightrope, of constant vigilance against returning to that miserable existence. I have too much to do these days to spend my hours twisting my hankie over picking up a drink. There is not a single thing that could ever make me return to that day when I vowed to not drink anymore.
Nope.
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