2 years sober and 1st post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Saint louis, MO
Posts: 1
2 years sober and 1st post
Hey everyone!
So I've been mulling around these boards for a little over 2 years now. When I was having problems when I quit I found comfort in some stories posted on here. So thank you for that help!
I guess I should introduce myself. I quit Fathers day of 2010 so I could break the generations of alcoholics in my family and someday be a great father. What was my poison? Beer, and tons of it, usually a 12 Pack of something that had the word 'Ice' in it (high alc) and a 40oz of the cheapest stuff. It took me a good year to convince myself I was a full blown alcoholic then another year to muster up the strength the quit. That was a rough time, with all the anxiety, sleeplessness, and mood fluctuations I also enjoyed what I liked to call Shadow People. Or maybe paranoia? I don't know, I saw shadows running past me. Freaked me out at first, then it just got annoying.
So why am I posting after all this time? Stress, and tons of it. I'm finding myself having that urge again. As I'm sitting here, I have incense burning and I'm drinking soothing tea just to keep me sane. My parents are getting divorced, which in itself really isn't that stressful. But it's how my dad left my mom financially is. He was cheating on her while she was busting her butt working in another state to pay the mortgage. He also refused to get a job and just decided to not pay the bills (mortgage included). So now I'm trying to get everything back on track financially and he's begging me for money. An hour later my mom calls me and wants to know what he's doing or just to vent about him to me. Which is my daily life.
On top of all that, I'm that guy. The guy everyone calls if they need to complain about something or need help with something. Which is usually fine. But this past month has really been testing my resolve.
It's like I'm stuck in a hole and just as I start to climb out, I fall right back down.
I never really learned how to cope with my stress or anger. I always just packed it into a neat box and pushed it out of my mind. Which apparently only works so long. I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind.
I'm really just looking for ways to cope with all the stress and anger, besides drinking it away. Any advice will be read.
Thanks!
(feel a bit better after venting)
So I've been mulling around these boards for a little over 2 years now. When I was having problems when I quit I found comfort in some stories posted on here. So thank you for that help!
I guess I should introduce myself. I quit Fathers day of 2010 so I could break the generations of alcoholics in my family and someday be a great father. What was my poison? Beer, and tons of it, usually a 12 Pack of something that had the word 'Ice' in it (high alc) and a 40oz of the cheapest stuff. It took me a good year to convince myself I was a full blown alcoholic then another year to muster up the strength the quit. That was a rough time, with all the anxiety, sleeplessness, and mood fluctuations I also enjoyed what I liked to call Shadow People. Or maybe paranoia? I don't know, I saw shadows running past me. Freaked me out at first, then it just got annoying.
So why am I posting after all this time? Stress, and tons of it. I'm finding myself having that urge again. As I'm sitting here, I have incense burning and I'm drinking soothing tea just to keep me sane. My parents are getting divorced, which in itself really isn't that stressful. But it's how my dad left my mom financially is. He was cheating on her while she was busting her butt working in another state to pay the mortgage. He also refused to get a job and just decided to not pay the bills (mortgage included). So now I'm trying to get everything back on track financially and he's begging me for money. An hour later my mom calls me and wants to know what he's doing or just to vent about him to me. Which is my daily life.
On top of all that, I'm that guy. The guy everyone calls if they need to complain about something or need help with something. Which is usually fine. But this past month has really been testing my resolve.
It's like I'm stuck in a hole and just as I start to climb out, I fall right back down.
I never really learned how to cope with my stress or anger. I always just packed it into a neat box and pushed it out of my mind. Which apparently only works so long. I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind.
I'm really just looking for ways to cope with all the stress and anger, besides drinking it away. Any advice will be read.
Thanks!
(feel a bit better after venting)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welocme aboard!! awesom on 2 years and that you see there is a problem comin on.
it sounds like ya might have some resentments towards yer dad?? it may be hard, but it could help to look at him as a sick man. that doesnt mean physically, but mentally and emotionally.
it is also rather sick to drag you into the middle of their problems. you are allowed to stand up for yourself and not let that happen and convey the message with compassion.
if you give him money, you are enabling him to continue the same behavior that got him where he is. this is another situation where you are allowed to say NO!
with all the people callin you askin for help? you are a lil screwed up mentally and emotionally, so there realy isnt much you can do to help them, so let em know you cant help them right now. let all them people you are gion through some rough times and dont have it in you. ya gotta put you 1st.
it sounds like ya might have some resentments towards yer dad?? it may be hard, but it could help to look at him as a sick man. that doesnt mean physically, but mentally and emotionally.
it is also rather sick to drag you into the middle of their problems. you are allowed to stand up for yourself and not let that happen and convey the message with compassion.
if you give him money, you are enabling him to continue the same behavior that got him where he is. this is another situation where you are allowed to say NO!
with all the people callin you askin for help? you are a lil screwed up mentally and emotionally, so there realy isnt much you can do to help them, so let em know you cant help them right now. let all them people you are gion through some rough times and dont have it in you. ya gotta put you 1st.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,421
Welcome Chris - I'm glad you've posted 
Congratulations on the 2 years too
I'm sorry for your situation - I think that would be stressful for anyone, alcoholic, addict or not...but I know you're find a lot of support, help and experience here.
My main advice would be - when you're there for everyone else - remember you need to be there for you too
keep a sense of balance - do some stuff to love to do..hobbies, interests...don't forget to decompress a little
D
Congratulations on the 2 years too
I'm sorry for your situation - I think that would be stressful for anyone, alcoholic, addict or not...but I know you're find a lot of support, help and experience here.
My main advice would be - when you're there for everyone else - remember you need to be there for you too
keep a sense of balance - do some stuff to love to do..hobbies, interests...don't forget to decompress a little
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Chris Well done on 2 years, that's such a massive achievement. Did you get any help other than lurking on SR?
Do you find you have a tendency to be a bit of a yes man? Are you bending over backwards to please everyone?
I always considered myself to be a brutally honest person but in learning to cope with my emotions getting sober I've noticed that I generally let people walk all over me. If someone asks me a favour I always say yes. If someone was struggling I would go out of my way to help them. If for some reason I am unable to do something for somebody then I feel really guilty.
But I was unable to look after myself. I would always consider other peoples feelings before my own and end up feeling resentful that no one considered how I felt about stuff.
But then I wasn't being honest and telling people how I feel. Even little stuff like asking someone not to something which I found annoying. It is an effort but I can't let those little resentments build up so that I end up feeling sufficiently sorry for myself and want to drink.
I'm sorry your parents are getting divorced. It's a tough time. Especially for adult children because no one really sees how it effects them. If I was you I would tell both parents that you will not be the go between. If they want to know anything about each other then they can ask each other like adults. I'd imagine that you want a relationship with both of them and it is hard to do that when you are involved too much in their relationship. I had this problem too many years ago and I wish I had just taken a step back and kept out of it. It's hard to do but you can't take sides.
Take care Chris and don't forget to look after yourself x
Well done on 2 years, that's such a massive achievement. Did you get any help other than lurking on SR?Do you find you have a tendency to be a bit of a yes man? Are you bending over backwards to please everyone?
I always considered myself to be a brutally honest person but in learning to cope with my emotions getting sober I've noticed that I generally let people walk all over me. If someone asks me a favour I always say yes. If someone was struggling I would go out of my way to help them. If for some reason I am unable to do something for somebody then I feel really guilty.
But I was unable to look after myself. I would always consider other peoples feelings before my own and end up feeling resentful that no one considered how I felt about stuff.
But then I wasn't being honest and telling people how I feel. Even little stuff like asking someone not to something which I found annoying. It is an effort but I can't let those little resentments build up so that I end up feeling sufficiently sorry for myself and want to drink.
I'm sorry your parents are getting divorced. It's a tough time. Especially for adult children because no one really sees how it effects them. If I was you I would tell both parents that you will not be the go between. If they want to know anything about each other then they can ask each other like adults. I'd imagine that you want a relationship with both of them and it is hard to do that when you are involved too much in their relationship. I had this problem too many years ago and I wish I had just taken a step back and kept out of it. It's hard to do but you can't take sides.
Take care Chris and don't forget to look after yourself x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Hello Chris:
The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me get/stay sober and deal with the wreckage of the past and the issues of today.
You might want to attend a few "Open" meetings to see if the program may be for you as well.
All the best.
Bob R
The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me get/stay sober and deal with the wreckage of the past and the issues of today.
You might want to attend a few "Open" meetings to see if the program may be for you as well.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Hey Chris,
I too have found that the 12 steps were the best solution to what my real problems were. Afterall the problem was not the booze. It was trying to live sober.
Congrats on the 2 years. That is great. Its also a scary thought knowing that the thought of drinking is coming to you after 2 years. In AA we have a term for that. It's untreated alcoholism. I dont get well by just putting down the drink. That's called being "dry." And in many cases an alcoholic is worse off being dry then when he is drinking.
Through working the steps, Ive been given a new life. I no longer have the desire to drink and have been given tools to live a happy, useful life. Thats what I needed to stay sober. I have to be able to have happiness and sobriety. One doesnt work without the other.
Im shooting up a prayer for ya. I hope you find the solution you need.
I too have found that the 12 steps were the best solution to what my real problems were. Afterall the problem was not the booze. It was trying to live sober.
Congrats on the 2 years. That is great. Its also a scary thought knowing that the thought of drinking is coming to you after 2 years. In AA we have a term for that. It's untreated alcoholism. I dont get well by just putting down the drink. That's called being "dry." And in many cases an alcoholic is worse off being dry then when he is drinking.
Through working the steps, Ive been given a new life. I no longer have the desire to drink and have been given tools to live a happy, useful life. Thats what I needed to stay sober. I have to be able to have happiness and sobriety. One doesnt work without the other.
Im shooting up a prayer for ya. I hope you find the solution you need.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
SobrChris, if you think that a closer relationship with the God of Your Understanding will help you deal with these mounting personal issues outside your control, then AA and 12 Step Programs are the answer.
Many folks would consider some professional counseling too.
Many folks would consider some professional counseling too.
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