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When did you first realise you had a problem? I've spent some time trying to remember the first time I thought.... "Hey, dude.... you've got a drinking problem." I know it's not when I finally quit drinking because I was miserable at the end of my drinking and just drank through that misery to that point. I'm not even sure now. I don't really remember the first real evident actions and feelings that should have told me. But I know at the end I had major alarm bells going off. The Alarm bells below are what should have told I was really in MAJOR trouble.
But I can't remember the first time it was just "drinking" to where my whole mentality changed. I suspect it started by degrees. I justified it at first. I deserve this or something. But By the end all those things were just out there. I could not deny it anymore. |
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After I'd been to the chemists and told the pharmacist "I want to make it quite clear I don't have a problem." (pause) "Why can't I stop drinking?" Looking back, there were things I shouldn't have ignored (it seems), but did. Drinking alone Drinking in the morning Only liking myself when I was buzzed Telling myself that "I clearly can't quit, so I might as well just accept that and carry on." Telling folks that "I can drink like nice people." Wondering how people can sit in a pub with the same drink in front of them for half an hour. Arguing (with myself) that 'Sitting alone in a pub at 11am would be sad.' And then buying a bottle to take home. (Not two, I could have got two for only slightly more, because 'You'll drink both of them') Going to meet my friends in a pub before a party, seeing they weren't there and realising that if I stayed in the pub on my own, I wouldn't get to the party because I'd just keep drinking. |
I blacked out the first time I drank, so I have been an alcoholic since the very first drink. It must have been when I 12. I snuck behind my parents bar and started sipping on Amaretto. I then had to go to gymnastics, and I remember falling off the beam, but nothing else. I quit drinking after the last time I had a blackout, I was 41. That is a long time of drinking and a long time of hurts. |
I can relate to each post here. |
When pulling up to the bottle return place with a car full of empties counted as a good deed. The homeless people were going to have a good day since I couldn't be bother to redeem the bottles myself :p |
*Wondering if 2x2ltr bottles of whiskey was enough for two of us for the two days the supermarkets shut for bank holidays at christmass . |
In retrospect I think I must have known all along, but just chose to ignore it :lala The first time I drank I stole some beer and hid it (aged 12). I used to steal bits of alcohol from my parents drinks cabinet and hide it under my bed. Every time I went out I always ended up so much drunker than all my friends until an embarrassing incident aged 17 and I started being really careful. After college I noticed that most people didn't drink like me so I started to hide it. Having 2 bottles of gin, one which I kept under the sink to top the other one up so that people who came round regularly didn't notice how quickly I got through it. Preferring to drink alone so that I could drink properly. I actually stopped recycling because I couldn't bare to face the empties. Limiting the amount of booze I would buy because I knew that if I had it in I would drink it all. After months of really bizarre migraines I finally got some medication on prescription. When I picked it up from the pharmacist I asked if I could drink on these...The pharmacist looked really confused and said she couldn't understand why I'd want to. After being told by a medical professional that I should stop drinking entirely, I continued to drink for months (maybe it was a year...) I'm sure I could think of more signs... |
About 20 years before I actually quit. |
1. When I couldn't get out of bed in the morning without having a shot or two first to stop the sweats and the shakes. I might throw them right back up but kept trying until they stayed down. 2. When I became virtually housebound because I was so out of it I couldn't drive or go anywhere. 3. When my oldest son told me he was ashamed of me. 4. When I continually injured myself (sometimes badly) from falling down stairs, walking into furniture, almost falling through a plate glass window ... 5. When I couldn't get drunk anymore but couldn't get sober either ... life was just a strange, unreal fog ... 6. When my liver and kidneys started to hurt ... 7. When I got the dry heaves every morning ... 8. When I had to cancel important meetings, events, etc. because I was either hungover, withdrawing, or still drunk from the night before. 9. When I realized that, since my husband is also an active alcoholic, my kids basically had no parents to look out for them. 10. When I realized that my life was going to consist of the couch and the TV for the rest of whatever days I had left if I continued on that path. Life is so much better sober. Life as a drunk is really no life at all. |
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