dig

I'm now 2.5 weeks into my recovery and had one "stumble" but got back on the horse right away. As I get further into this I'm finding that I get quite irked when people mention alcohol around me. A friend texted me last night to suggest a MLB ballpark trip next summer and said we could get stinking drunk out in California wine country after seeing a game. I didn't respond. This friend is very close and dear to me and certainly not a problem friend to be around given what I'm doing now in terms of sobriety. Once I think about it rationally, I feel embarassed and silly about letting these things get to me.

Anyone have any strategies for dealing with this type of thing? Is it okay to lie to someone/make excuses early on until being comfy with laying it all out there?

My take on this? I'm going to have to move at my own pace and eventually let people around me know I don't "drink like I used to" -- right now its just my wife that is aware of my journey... but I feel like I need something to deal with these situations... otherwise I'll stumble...

reggiewayne

Your head is saying one thing and your heart is saying another. When my head and heart don't match up I feel uncomfortable. When I feel uncomfortable I want to change that. For 20 years I "fixed" that by drinking. So, in a way, you're creating your own trigger by trying to protect yourself. Odd isn't it?

I would try honesty. My guess is you'll feel a huge sense of relief by sharing with your friend the decision that you've made. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Just my two cents... Best of luck.

NoFireWater

I think you'll find that people will be more supportive than you may expect. Your true friends will respect any decisions you make to get healthy. Your drinking buddies may not be as thrilled, but your decision not to drink may make them aware of their own issues with booze and they may feel a little defensive. I tell people, "the good news is, I can now be the DD"

Humiliated

I am going through the same thing. My neighbor and I were smoking tonight and he said he doesn't think I need to quit drinking altogether I just need to slow down and not take shots of alcohol. I was trying to explain to him that in theory that sounds great, but like this last saturday, it started out great with just a few beers, then I decided to do 1 shot and the rest is down hill from there. He is an alcoholic and actually quit drinking for 7 months. He was the one I was doing shots with Saturday night. He says he feels horrible for me drinking so much, but that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Most of my friends will say after I've had "one of those nights" that I am a totally different person once I'm drunk, can't talk any sense into me. But I think the majority of them woudl say I just need to moderate. Aaahhh if life were just that easy, right? They make it sound so reasonable. So, here I am. I too, like you, plan on easing into the completely sober talk. For now I will tell most people I am taking a break, letting my liver rest.... that will at least give them a chuckle. There are a few people that I have come right out and said I am giving it up for good and they are very supportive. I think we need to do it in our own way, what feels comfortable. I think as long as you are true to yourself you will be okay. Just don't let the alcoholic you lie to the real you and convince you to have a few drinks. I have a girls trip in September that I have already bought a plane ticket for and rented a house and none of them know yet, we all live in different parts of the country........ 2 months to prepare mentally for standing my ground as the sober person. I plan on selling to them the fact that they will have a sober babysitter to make sure they are all safe while drinking. This will make me feel good too, to know I am looking out for friends.

Dee74

Early recovery is a rough time..emotions can run wild...good ones as well as bad.

I'd cut yourself some slack...and cut your friend some too, dig

Do have a plan tho - if you're not comfortable revealing all, start thinking about what you are going to say instead

D

hypochondriac

Is it okay to lie to someone/make excuses early on until being comfy with laying it all out there?

Absolutely! I think so anyway. You can go around telling people you are an alcoholic and that you've quit drinking, but likely people will just look at you weird and tell you to just drink less (I love that one). I've told people I've quit to loose weight and to help me stop smoking. I've only told one friend a bit more than that and they didn't really get it and didn't believe me that my health problems were caused by drinking! My family I have told the whole truth. I think it is important that someone knows but you don't have to tell everyone.

Early on I couldn't talk about it to anyone for fear of getting defensive and angry or bursting into tears. So I was just vague and avoided the subject. Now I'm able to joke about it a little, something which would have been unthinkable a few months ago. I remember after being sober for a month I had family visit and my stepdad was drinking beer at mine. It made me furious, not least because he left the empties in my kitchen. I realise you can't expect other people to change their behaviour but I didn't want to see alcohol much less be around people drinking it.

My coping strategy was to just avoid it until I felt stronger. I didn't plan any future events either. And when I did have to go out I would plan my social events, have an escape plan if I didn't feel comfortable and practice saying 'No thank you' in my head.

It is going to take my friends longer than it takes me to accept that I don't drink anymore, but I am fully prepared to cut people off if they persistently encourage me to drink. It gets boring after a while (The amount of times I've had people say to me 'You're still not drinking?!') but I'm sure they'll stop eventually. If not, snip snip Anyone who actively encourages you to do something so bad for you is not a true friend.

tomsteve

"Is it okay to lie to someone/make excuses early on until being comfy with laying it all out there?"

did you lie and make excuses when you were drinking? if so, it prolly aint a good idea to do it now. just gotta get some courage and compassion and say what ya mean, mean what ya say, but dont say it mean.

soberbrooke

I had to tell everyone I am quitting this time. The last hundred times, I didn't tell anyone and I kept relapsing. I am not upset about leaving my friends behind this time. They are all drinking buddies anyway.
I have found the best and closet friends in AA, they are real friends. I had to get out of the consciousness of drinking and into the consciousness of my Higher Power.