zorah

I'm visiting my family and, without going into details, I'm sooooo rocky. I'm new to AA and dealing with a lot of old family stuff (esp. with my mother) and it has the effect of making me feel unhinged. The voices in my head keep saying I'm a loser, I can't do anything right, blah blah. This is when resisting booze becomes harder and harder. I have bipolar as well and managing the mood swings is like paddling through a hurricane on the open sea. Drink quiets the craziness so quickly that I'm really craving the relief. I just called my sponsor who reminded me of what it feels like LATER.

I really hope I can weather this out.....


Thanks for being out there.


Zorah

RobbyRobot

Sorry for your troubles, zorah. It's never fun struggling with drinking. Resisting certainly helps, but eventually I always lost that fight sooner or later. What worked better was my resolve to never drink again no matter what, and allowing myself to surrender to the simple reality that I was not going to drink. I gave myself completely over to this simple understanding, even though I was pulled in different directions, I still held onto the simple truth I was not going to drink ever again no matter what.

What I resisted was letting go of that understanding, I held on. I accepted how my addictive mind was playing me, and I could see the game being played out. I didn't waste energy fighting my addiction, I put everything into supporting myself with knowing I wasn't going to drink again.

I really hope you can weather this out too.... I know you can!!

katiedid722

I can totally understand where you are coming from. One of the big reasons why I loved alcohol was because my mind was fixed on one thing and one thing only - drinking and having a good time. However - the time I felt guilty for days and days afterward would bring me back down, and quick. Just try and remember those bad times, journal about them if you need to so that you can look back and remind yourself how bad it was. I think that we lose sight of that and tend to idolize alcohol in a sense that we never knew it's form. Good luck to you, you can do this. By staying sober you are proving to your family but most of all yourSELF that you are worth it!!

Anna

Hi Zorah,

I hope you get through the evening. Can you get off by yourself for a few minutes and step outside to relax a bit?

IndaMiricale

Well done on reaching out and calling your sponsor.

Dee74

we're all behind you Zorah - just remember we are not our thoughts....and what other people think is not who you are...

You deserve happiness and you deserve peace. You deserve to be sober
you can do this

D

Rory23

Hello Zorah, your not alone. Just remember that it is the addiction hijacking your brain into believing that's what you need to self medicate. One thing I cannot stress enough is that you can do anything you want to if you can learn the power of positive thinking. You are not a loser and remember we all make mistakes, but we learn from them. This may be a difficult time indeed. However these problems that we all face and get through create wisdom and character. Once this is all over and your in control, the cloudiness will go away and you will learn what life is all about. You have strength inside of you, its a matter of tapping into it. I don't know how your family is, but I often see people with very negative family members. I want you to know that no matter what your family loves you. What we don't realize when our family is negative it is just their way of trying to push us to be our best. We tend to take it the wrong way when we are vulnerable such as times like these. If it is unbearable then staying away from your family until you are strong is ok. I see many people do this. I am not making the assumption of their negativity but rather examples for others to read. Surrounding yourself with positive people will help you lift your spirits. Behavior is contagious. Hang in there and remember your not alone!!

DisplacedGRITS

Hold on to your sobriety, zorah. You have control of that. You are not a loser and you are making progress. They can't take that from you. Believe in yourself. Keep checking in here as often as you need to. We're here. You can do it. You are not a loser.

sugarbear1

xa-speakers.org

take a random listen....

Stay strong, zorah, my family can push my buttons very easily, too!

Love,

Hevyn

Hi Zorah. Coming here to talk about this makes you a winner - you could have caved already, & not even tried to resist. This is a big hurdle to get over, but we know you can! You'll be so glad tomorrow that you made it through this. You'll feel stronger & more determined than ever.

tomsteve

one thing i learned early on when them cravings kicked in is that i cant wear out the serenity prayer.

artsoul

I know how it feels to get into a negative thinking spiral.... I used to do that a lot and it just builds on itself.

Nothing gets better with drinking, but you already know that. Just don't try to solve your whole life at once and take some stress off yourself if you can. The first year of sobriety, I had quite a few bad days emotionally, but it actually turned out well in the end because that's what forced me to look for new solutions.

Be patient and compassionate with yourself, stay in the moment, and when all else fails, practice gratitude!