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Old 07-20-2012, 03:29 AM
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Failed

I once again failed to not drink on my days off work. It's just... son of a bitch you know. I am ready to give this **** up Im sick and tired of it. But I'm not ready to give up my friends...and that's a problem. I steeled myself against invitations from all the friends I normally drink with. Hell I told my two best friends Iwanna completely stop drinking and they were supportive one wants to quit with me. Then I get a knock on the door from a buddy I hadn't seen in forever and everything went out the window. I made it until 11pm sober on my worst drinking day my first day off would have been asleep in an hour and just ****** it all up. Only myself to blame. I drank two beers with my buddy thinkin it would be all right. As soon as I got home I went to buy cigarettes at the Shell close to my bar and decided to pull 20 out of the ATM and go next door and have a coulple. A couple turned into 6AM at a friends house. I was supposed to get up at 9AM to work on my car.
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Old 07-20-2012, 03:38 AM
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Hi Sean

I didn't want to give my friends up either...my friends were all drinkers... so I kept drinking...

unless you can find a way to be around drinkers and not drink...at all...ever...you might have to consider doing the same - at least for a while?

D
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Old 07-20-2012, 03:56 AM
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I really thought I was being honest with myself this time. I thought Iwas ready this time. I thought I had way more willpower than I really do. From what I've seen of myself I feel I have little or no willpower at all. Some part of me looks for any damn excuse to go out and drink and once that excuse is found I just end up doing what I always do. It hurts I thought I was better than this I really believed I could will my way past this but I can't. The repetition of this is what scares me most. It never changes my will always breaks down on the weekends. I am fine for the five days I work was able to quit drinking after work pretty good.But thursdays and fridays have been impossible. The only way I have suceeded is by keeping myself completely occupied with projects such as working on my car or something like that. Even then thats just to make time go by faster. Usually when I do strenuous work or work out or do anything to get the endorphins going I want to socialize afterwards and that means I go to the bar.
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Old 07-20-2012, 03:59 AM
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We sound a lot a like. I have "failed" in the recent past and been pretty pissed about it. But I got back at it. and I posted about it here as soon as I could.

I see you did the same.... you might be thinking the same thing I was... that I need someone who cares to know. And that I cared about it enough to not continue drinking but to stop again. And be anrgy about it. Be angry and remember that. But also go easy on yourself.

You cant get up to be sober today if you knock yourself silly over it. Move on knowing how not to do it again.

You sound determined to stop. I believe that. You will.

None of the when your ready stuff here. You have already decided now its all in the execution. Put a solid list of things you need to do to stay sober in place.

Best to ya.

Ken
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Old 07-20-2012, 03:59 AM
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Sean,
My best advice is to come up with a hobby for your of days from work. Go for a run or join a gym. You will soon have other friends that have you interest in mind. You don't have to abandon you current friends but if some aren't helping hit your goal they might need to be graciously shown the door.

Shawn
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:03 AM
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Sean,

Don't beat yourself up, you've got a drinking problem - when you drink, all bets are off. I did that more times than I care to think about, and for me, willpower alone definitely was not enough. What happened last night is not evidence that you lack willpower, it is evidence that you need to consider other/additional approaches to your sobriety.

Good luck, you can do this!
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:17 AM
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Sean - you have not failed. You only FAIL if you stop trying.... You are not in denial with regards to having a drinking problem, and that's a BIG thing...

You need to get a plan for sobriety, I strongly suggest you get out to AA and meet some people around your age that also want to get and stay sober.. Please keep going to different meetings until you find one you can see yourself attending more often, that's what I had to do...

You should also decide who your "friends" are vs. "drinking buddies"... No doubt in my mind that one needs to avoid people,places,situations for the first 60-90 days which typically resulted in having drinkings.....
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:28 AM
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Thanks for the support guys. I appreciate it. I'm finding the hardest part is staying at home all day by myself. Its depressing as hell I obviously need a hobby. But it ain't easy my motivation is low. It's hard to get up in the morning. But I have some ideas for hobbies its just been hard to get the wheels turning.
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:33 AM
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1st things 1st. stopping drinking for one day doesnt make a person sober. that makes aperson dry for one day. sobriety requires change. all i had to do was change everything about me.
i got the help from AA. it has been workin good for 7+ years now. the craving, compulsion, and obsession to drink have been removed, i dont hate myself, and life has taken on new meaning.
prayers yer way that ya find a way to stop drinking.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:21 AM
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It's a learning curve. The trick is not to keep making the same mistakes.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:21 AM
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I think if you find a way to change your weekends - a hobby or volunteer work, something different which helps you to get through the weekend without drinking. You're right that early sobriety is tough because big changes are usually needed, but know that you can do this.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:27 AM
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My story exactly! The only way I could stop is through having a group of people all working for the same goal. I found that in AA. I am working the steps, found a sponsor and am doing it right. I now have 7 months and I am so much happier. I had to change my friends though.
I got out of the consciousness I was in and catapulted me into a higher level of consciousness. I no longer think about drinking and no longer care about my old friends. They were the people I use to drink with, and they are still the exact same people. I am doing something positive for my life, and they are still the exact same people. I am bettering life for my family and they are the exact same people. I am moving forward in my life and they are the exact same people.
It is a higher and different state of consciousness once you can get yourself into it it feels great!
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Old 07-20-2012, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by sean0621 View Post
Thanks for the support guys. I appreciate it. I'm finding the hardest part is staying at home all day by myself. Its depressing as hell I obviously need a hobby. But it ain't easy my motivation is low. It's hard to get up in the morning. But I have some ideas for hobbies its just been hard to get the wheels turning.
Sean,

Pick up a copy of the book Under the Influence by Robert Milam - feeling depressed during early sobriety is par for the course, it is part of the healing process that goes on. The book was a real help for me in the early days, it was good to know that I wasn't imagining things and that what I was feeling was normal.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:48 AM
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Originally Posted by sean0621
Thank you for replying by the way. Stopping drinking altogether for awhile has been looking like the number one solution to me for awhile now. I haven't yet found the willpower to do it yet though. The only friend I have seen do it was a cop I knew. He lost his job over it and the whole thing ended up on the news. He cut all ties with all of his friends that drank for a good year. He went forward and got a masters degree i believe in alchol and drug coucling. He told me that it was a relief when everything came crashing down. He also had four beautiful little girls to take care of and a great wife to get him through it all. Me Im afraid well terrified of the loneliness and depression that comes with that path. Im thirty never even close to married and my Mother is a heavy drinker my Stepfather as well and every single one of my friends drink. Its terrifying to think of life without friends or family but yet I know I must stop very soon. I just need to find some willpower.
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