Your first post... Then & Now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Your first post... Then & Now.
I thought it might be interesting to post the first post where you told your story/struggle & where you are now as well as a brief summery of Now & Then.
If you are a first time new comer here please post your "Now and Future" as you would like it to be ;-)
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Now - A happy non drinker that enjoys life to the fullest. Taking care of myself physically, mentally & spiritually and feeling more Joy then I have in years.
Then - A struggling alcoholic binge drinker that could not stop after having a few drinks (to blackouts). A creator of many problems in my thinking & drinking. In a high stress position in the advertising industry with customers in the alcohol industry that like to party 24/7 and a great excuse for me to partake in the ongoing binge fest. In the process of losing my health, career & life.
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First post Below (I changed my original name tag on here as it was a trigger & I was not the Master but the slave ;-)
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First Post \/
Hi Everyone,
First post other than throwing out some hugs to someone in need. I have been a long time reader & currently on day 3 of my first attempt to really quit.
More of a binge drinker & then having those "gotta have a few cause I feel like crap" drinks the next day. I have tried & tried to have a couple of drinks & stop but it never works out (all or nothing kinda deal). The anxiety/withdrawal symptoms have been getting worse & worse and I am having a really hard time dealing with them (yes, I know that is the alcohol slowly killing me).
I'm in an industry that involves a lot of concerts & events and entertaining customers. The challenge is that I have a problem with anxiety & alcohol seems to really help to get me relaxed when I'm feeling nervous (I have bromazapam but it doesn't seem to do much anymore).
Anyway... I just wanted to get some of your thoughts on how you have dealt with your stress, anxiety and/or panic attacks while staying away from the booze. I know I need to see my doctor soon & let her know what is up. I have made some very bad decisions in the last couple of weeks due to drinking (and being hungover) & I need to make a change.
Congratulations to all of you who are going through the process & have quit drinking. All of the best in your recovery & I look forward to any & all thoughts/encouragement.
Take Care[/QUOTE]
If you are a first time new comer here please post your "Now and Future" as you would like it to be ;-)
----
Now - A happy non drinker that enjoys life to the fullest. Taking care of myself physically, mentally & spiritually and feeling more Joy then I have in years.
Then - A struggling alcoholic binge drinker that could not stop after having a few drinks (to blackouts). A creator of many problems in my thinking & drinking. In a high stress position in the advertising industry with customers in the alcohol industry that like to party 24/7 and a great excuse for me to partake in the ongoing binge fest. In the process of losing my health, career & life.
---------
First post Below (I changed my original name tag on here as it was a trigger & I was not the Master but the slave ;-)
-----
First Post \/
Hi Everyone,
First post other than throwing out some hugs to someone in need. I have been a long time reader & currently on day 3 of my first attempt to really quit.
More of a binge drinker & then having those "gotta have a few cause I feel like crap" drinks the next day. I have tried & tried to have a couple of drinks & stop but it never works out (all or nothing kinda deal). The anxiety/withdrawal symptoms have been getting worse & worse and I am having a really hard time dealing with them (yes, I know that is the alcohol slowly killing me).
I'm in an industry that involves a lot of concerts & events and entertaining customers. The challenge is that I have a problem with anxiety & alcohol seems to really help to get me relaxed when I'm feeling nervous (I have bromazapam but it doesn't seem to do much anymore).
Anyway... I just wanted to get some of your thoughts on how you have dealt with your stress, anxiety and/or panic attacks while staying away from the booze. I know I need to see my doctor soon & let her know what is up. I have made some very bad decisions in the last couple of weeks due to drinking (and being hungover) & I need to make a change.
Congratulations to all of you who are going through the process & have quit drinking. All of the best in your recovery & I look forward to any & all thoughts/encouragement.
Take Care[/QUOTE]
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Great thread.
My now? Well I don't feel like I moved the mark much. I joined in April. I am still not near where I want to be. I have gained insights but I struggle a lot.
My first post is below.....
April 2012
Am I special?
Well I have been reading this board now for a week or two. The bad part of what I learned is that I am not that special. The good part of what I learned is that I AM special.*
I am not special in my daily obligation to myself to be sober. I am not unique like I always hoped I was. I have no more deep and revealing thoughts than anyone else.*
I also learned that being special comes not from what I thought only I possessed but from the comfort those as ordinary as I am can provide each other. That my painfully normal life has a chance at happiness beyond my nearsighted view of today. In that way alone I have hope. I am special.
Ken
My now? Well I don't feel like I moved the mark much. I joined in April. I am still not near where I want to be. I have gained insights but I struggle a lot.
My first post is below.....
April 2012
Am I special?
Well I have been reading this board now for a week or two. The bad part of what I learned is that I am not that special. The good part of what I learned is that I AM special.*
I am not special in my daily obligation to myself to be sober. I am not unique like I always hoped I was. I have no more deep and revealing thoughts than anyone else.*
I also learned that being special comes not from what I thought only I possessed but from the comfort those as ordinary as I am can provide each other. That my painfully normal life has a chance at happiness beyond my nearsighted view of today. In that way alone I have hope. I am special.
Ken
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 652
My 1st post was 4 years ago.
Pure panic because l had lost it completly.
Lost my job, my self respect and almost my life.
Now l am back on track, another job and have found balance l wish l had found 25 years ago.
Strange that it was always staring me in the face but l did not see it..
A rough ride but l have learned a lot.
Pure panic because l had lost it completly.
Lost my job, my self respect and almost my life.
Now l am back on track, another job and have found balance l wish l had found 25 years ago.
Strange that it was always staring me in the face but l did not see it..
A rough ride but l have learned a lot.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I've changed a lot in the last 5 years...I'm more willing to be honest and stand behind what I believe...I believe in myself now too...
I'm the same man, but (I hope) very much grown...and continuing to do so
I remembering looking at this in my year 2 and thinking '
: dude'...
but today? it's not too bad...it's a lot more honest that I thought I was...
I'm not hung up on communication anymore, but I guess I still 'live to type'... 
D
I'm the same man, but (I hope) very much grown...and continuing to do so
I remembering looking at this in my year 2 and thinking '
: dude'...but today? it's not too bad...it's a lot more honest that I thought I was...
Hi Guys
I'm D. I'd really like to share my story - I can't seem to find something like this locally (I'm an Aussie)
I've been binge drinking for 15 years or so...I started as a Uni (college) student....I thought 'hey cool, I can hang out all day and just goof off and get wasted'...y'know typical stupid young guy stuff...
of course pretty soon that was most days, or nights anyway, and I began to enjoy drinking alone more than socially, mostly cos if I was sick or whatever no-one would know...I'd drink beer - 5 or 6 of the big bottles - what we call 'Tallies' or 'long necks' here in Aus - and 2-3 casks of wine a week (the big kind - about 4 or 5 litres, dunno how that compares in Imperial measures, sorry) and a lot of cigarettes and weed besides.
For years now, I've been binging til I get sick, feel like death, make the 'never again' promise, but then I recover and slowly but surely start to think things like "oh, I feel great now, so I guess I overreacted when I was sick", or "look at my friends, I don't drink that much at all" or the everpopular "I haven't drunk for x weeks - I can control my intake and just have a couple now"...
I've been reading a lots of the posts here. I am scared of never drinking again, I am scared of how my hard drinking buddies will take it, but I'm also scared of what I've already done to my body and mind and how things will surely end up if I don't stop.
Now I'm getting older the issue's getting more serious - apart from any organ damage I might have done, I have a physical disability and I've started falling about a bit, well a lot really - nothing serious so far but, because I live alone, everytime I have to think "gee, what would have happened if..."
I've always avoided AA and counsellors and things like that, partly because of my shame, but also because I have pretty severe communication difficulties...I use the net a lot...I'm hoping like heck that this forum might give the support I need...I don;t know why I didn't think of this before but I'm glad I did !
Sorry if this is long, but when you struggle everyday to make yourself understood, I LIVE TO TYPE !
I'm D. I'd really like to share my story - I can't seem to find something like this locally (I'm an Aussie)
I've been binge drinking for 15 years or so...I started as a Uni (college) student....I thought 'hey cool, I can hang out all day and just goof off and get wasted'...y'know typical stupid young guy stuff...
of course pretty soon that was most days, or nights anyway, and I began to enjoy drinking alone more than socially, mostly cos if I was sick or whatever no-one would know...I'd drink beer - 5 or 6 of the big bottles - what we call 'Tallies' or 'long necks' here in Aus - and 2-3 casks of wine a week (the big kind - about 4 or 5 litres, dunno how that compares in Imperial measures, sorry) and a lot of cigarettes and weed besides.
For years now, I've been binging til I get sick, feel like death, make the 'never again' promise, but then I recover and slowly but surely start to think things like "oh, I feel great now, so I guess I overreacted when I was sick", or "look at my friends, I don't drink that much at all" or the everpopular "I haven't drunk for x weeks - I can control my intake and just have a couple now"...
I've been reading a lots of the posts here. I am scared of never drinking again, I am scared of how my hard drinking buddies will take it, but I'm also scared of what I've already done to my body and mind and how things will surely end up if I don't stop.
Now I'm getting older the issue's getting more serious - apart from any organ damage I might have done, I have a physical disability and I've started falling about a bit, well a lot really - nothing serious so far but, because I live alone, everytime I have to think "gee, what would have happened if..."
I've always avoided AA and counsellors and things like that, partly because of my shame, but also because I have pretty severe communication difficulties...I use the net a lot...I'm hoping like heck that this forum might give the support I need...I don;t know why I didn't think of this before but I'm glad I did !
Sorry if this is long, but when you struggle everyday to make yourself understood, I LIVE TO TYPE !
D
Grateful AA member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
Interesting topic I wrote this first post bk in 2006
Hello, I have been here once before. I have an anxiety disorder and PTSD. I never touched alcohol before 2002 because I grew up around it. After, things started to go downhill in my life I started going out with friends and realized that alcohol stops me from thinking so much.
I started off drinking like 5 cocktails a night in 2002 but I could not handle it I could not stand the hangover or throwing up after. I then started to get really angry and started lashing out at people drinking liqour.
I stopped drinking liqour and went to drinking a 40 ounce of beer a night or sometimes a six pack because I felt so alone. When my panic attacks returned (not from the drinking) I started having a few drinks to kill the anxiety.
I don't drink to get drunk. No one would notice I had anything to drink. I drink because I feel like after two or three beers I can do anything without the fear of having a panic attack. Or sometimes I feel so alone that I just drink to stop me from feeling. Howvever, it does make me more depressed and makes me either want to hurt myself or push people away.
Wow, denial "I didnt drink to get drunk turned into blacking out and everyone noticing when I was drunk making a fool out of myself. Even back then whenever I drank I beame extremely depressed
I am terrified of becoming an alcoholic. My therapist said I am not one but I am on the road to becoming one if I do not stop. I have never drank to the point of which I pass out or anything. I just like to have a few beers everyday. Actually, I feel very guilty doing it and I hate it. But, after a few beers the anxiety completely goes away and I like that feeling of being free but I am not because I am depending on something to mask my initial problems.
Terrified of becoming an alcoholic, I am grateful now that I am an alcoholic and realize I am powerless over drinking and I never have to feel this way again.
I am just realy scared.
And became progressively worse and I never have to feel that way again
Hello, I have been here once before. I have an anxiety disorder and PTSD. I never touched alcohol before 2002 because I grew up around it. After, things started to go downhill in my life I started going out with friends and realized that alcohol stops me from thinking so much.
I started off drinking like 5 cocktails a night in 2002 but I could not handle it I could not stand the hangover or throwing up after. I then started to get really angry and started lashing out at people drinking liqour.
I stopped drinking liqour and went to drinking a 40 ounce of beer a night or sometimes a six pack because I felt so alone. When my panic attacks returned (not from the drinking) I started having a few drinks to kill the anxiety.
I don't drink to get drunk. No one would notice I had anything to drink. I drink because I feel like after two or three beers I can do anything without the fear of having a panic attack. Or sometimes I feel so alone that I just drink to stop me from feeling. Howvever, it does make me more depressed and makes me either want to hurt myself or push people away.
Wow, denial "I didnt drink to get drunk turned into blacking out and everyone noticing when I was drunk making a fool out of myself. Even back then whenever I drank I beame extremely depressed
I am terrified of becoming an alcoholic. My therapist said I am not one but I am on the road to becoming one if I do not stop. I have never drank to the point of which I pass out or anything. I just like to have a few beers everyday. Actually, I feel very guilty doing it and I hate it. But, after a few beers the anxiety completely goes away and I like that feeling of being free but I am not because I am depending on something to mask my initial problems.
Terrified of becoming an alcoholic, I am grateful now that I am an alcoholic and realize I am powerless over drinking and I never have to feel this way again.
I am just realy scared.
And became progressively worse and I never have to feel that way again
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
This was my first post; I feel a lot better now than I did then:
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Drink everyday from when I get home from work, start drinking in the mornings on weekends. I used to only drink at parties, but I'd get wrecked. Then I'd hit the bar every night. Figured out I was going there for the booze, not the people, so I cut out the middleman, started getting my two 40oz malt liquors a night, which became three. I don't want to even venture a guess how many of those I could down now. Then liquor came into the picture.
On weekdays I still generally keep it together because I'm a pretty large guy by now and my tolerance is "up there". That just means I get to feel worse the next day.
Tired of hearing about what I said the day before that I don't remember today, tired of not following through on things that would make my life better. Used to have friends, now I hardly even see family, but I guess I stopped calling people because I was ashamed. Or maybe they stopped calling me.
It is really nice to be able to tell somebody, even if it's on an internet forum. I can't talk to anyone I know about it, and I don't think I can talk about it to anyone in person without breaking down. Even writing posts is very emotional for me. Coming here and reading other people's experiences helped me stop drinking for a month recently, but I had to see if maybe this thing between me and the booze had changed. Nope. Same old story. Gonna give it another shot. Thanks for your stories, they help me out a lot.
Good luck all
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I was very sad when I typed that. Still kinda gets me to read it even now.
Since then, I went from feeling hopeless to feeling hopeful, and lost enough weight to have to retire a bunch of shirts and need a smaller belt. It may not be the best life in the world but it's pretty damn good!
-------------------------
Drink everyday from when I get home from work, start drinking in the mornings on weekends. I used to only drink at parties, but I'd get wrecked. Then I'd hit the bar every night. Figured out I was going there for the booze, not the people, so I cut out the middleman, started getting my two 40oz malt liquors a night, which became three. I don't want to even venture a guess how many of those I could down now. Then liquor came into the picture.
On weekdays I still generally keep it together because I'm a pretty large guy by now and my tolerance is "up there". That just means I get to feel worse the next day.
Tired of hearing about what I said the day before that I don't remember today, tired of not following through on things that would make my life better. Used to have friends, now I hardly even see family, but I guess I stopped calling people because I was ashamed. Or maybe they stopped calling me.
It is really nice to be able to tell somebody, even if it's on an internet forum. I can't talk to anyone I know about it, and I don't think I can talk about it to anyone in person without breaking down. Even writing posts is very emotional for me. Coming here and reading other people's experiences helped me stop drinking for a month recently, but I had to see if maybe this thing between me and the booze had changed. Nope. Same old story. Gonna give it another shot. Thanks for your stories, they help me out a lot.
Good luck all
----------------------------
I was very sad when I typed that. Still kinda gets me to read it even now.
Since then, I went from feeling hopeless to feeling hopeful, and lost enough weight to have to retire a bunch of shirts and need a smaller belt. It may not be the best life in the world but it's pretty damn good!
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