babyedwards

So I have decided I am not going to live my life in a haze anymore. The problem is I don't know how or where to start. I suffer from agoraphobia and severe anxiety disorder. I am scared to take "pills" So I chose to self medicate with alcohol. I have been drinking little bits everyday for about 2 years. I don't get drunk everytime, but I have just enough to take the edge off. I never leave the house without filling up my tea cup with a couple shots of whisky. I would be nice to be able to wake up and not be scared until I have my first beer/shot.

The thing is because of my anxiety I am afraid that I am going to go thru withdrawls and die from it, so I continue to drink for fear of dying!

I use to be able to drink only on weekends and for fun. But its just not fun anymore, it's sad. I have become envious of people who can go days without a drink.

I am a 31 year old housewife. My husband doesn't know how much I drink I hide it, I fill up one vodka bottle with water so he doesn't notice the one I am actually drinking.

I end up in tears by myself because I don't know how this happened and why I let it get out of control.

SDSurfn

You've come to the right place, babyedwards,

We understand.

Spend some time reading here and posting. This is a great source of support and wisdom.

Stick around! You can do this, we can do this!

babyedwards

Thank you. Just knowing that other people are out there who wont judge me and have been in the same place has put a genuine smile on my face, it has been a long time since I smiled for real. <3

2granddaughters

Hello babyedwards:

Bob from Leamington here

I suggest you Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". See if you relate to what is discussed in those writings.

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I also began drinking to self-medicate, as many of us do. The sad thing is, we never know when the alcohol takes over our lives and we become lost. I'm glad you have decided to stop drinking. It's always a good idea to talk to a dr before you stop drinking because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous. But, know that you can do it.

One thing I have learned in recovery is that I'm not a particularly social person, and that's okay. I love spending time with people I love, but I'm also happy to be on my own. I know that social anxiety and agorophobia must be hard to deal with. I wonder if you have a counsellor who is helping you with those issues?

IndaMiricale

Indeed hello and welcome to a group of people that understand.

Keep coming on and reading and posting.

Notmyrealname

Welcome to the SR forum. You are not alone. I too have drank whiskey from a tea cup (and a mug, and a thermos, and a bottle, and a juice glass, and that thimble that you use for a marker in the Monopoly boardgame . . . oh, and the shoe, too . . )

Your point about it once being fun but it's "not fun anymore" is a familiar sentiment on here. Sounds like a good time to give something different a shot

MycoolFitz

Lot's of help and resources out there and SR is one of them. I'm the king of Anxiety Dysorder Land, I have a crown. :-) Surviving without meds now or booze, not always a hoot but I try not to focus on getting anxiety attacks and stuff like what I'm afraid I can't do, it makes me anxious. Instead I focus on what I can do and what I dare to do. The fear is always worse than the fact.

babyedwards

Thank you so much everyone.

I don not have a counsellor or anything like that. I don't have any I can talk to in person because I am too ashamed and embarrassed to open up to anyone.

DisplacedGRITS

Hi babyedwards. I suffer from bipolar disorder and am on a lot of medications to even myself out. I too drank to self medicate for years. I understand being afraid of taking pills for your anxiety. There is a lot to be worried about. There is a lot of trial and error. Most likely you will not find the right medication and the right dose the first time. You must be honest with your doctor about how you are feeling. That is the only way you can get the real help you need. There is a stigma associated with people who are diagnosed with disorders and take medications. I've learned to say, screw it. It's my life and i'm doing what i know is right and healthy for me. I'd rather be looked down upon by ignorant strangers than hate myself for being drunk all the time. There's the drugs themselves and side effects and interactions and such. Be your own advocate. If you don't like what a drug is doing to you or it worries you, tell your doctor. They can't force you to take a drug you don't want and can offer alternatives. You just have to speak up.

There are options besides alcohol. Medication isn't the only one. Therapy, alone or in groups is an excellent option. I would recommend seeing someone ASAP. My therapist has been wonderful. You're their only focus for that hour and it's great to be able to tell another human being anything and everything.

If you're scared of detoxing see a doctor. It's a good idea anyways. You deserve this chance st sobriety. Reach out and grab it. No one is going to just offer it up to you. You have the power.

Dee74

welcome to SR babyedwards - I know you'll find a lot of support here

Do you have a trusted Dr? It might be best to speak to them if you're worried about withdrawals- just to set your mind at ease

D

tomsteve

welcome!! babyedwards, i will guarantee there is nothing original or unique about how you feel about yourself or anything you have done in your past. its all been felt and done before. not only that, but there are a lot of people who have been there and are willing to help you stop drinking and change yerself, but nobody can help til ya get the courage to open up.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Babyedwards x

This is second hand information but I have heard that NLP is fantastic for social anxieties.

If you are finding it hard to open up to people could you do it in little steps. I know I did that. I told a friend who I also knew had difficulties with alcohol, then I told my doctor, and then my sister. I also talked to people on helplines. I'm in the UK so I'm not sure what you have over there but there must be some helplines you can call just to get used to talking about it out loud (don't worry if you end up crying through the entire conversation, I always did, and still do at nearly 5 months sober!). Call AA. You don't have to go to a meeting, just talk to someone about it.

Talking to people on here is a fantastic first step in itself!

I'm glad you're here x

least

Welcome to the family! I too suggest you ask your doctor for help in getting safely and smoothly thru withdrawals. You can talk to us here about anything you want, we're here to listen and help the best we can.

freshstart57

A bird with a french fry? That is hella happy right there. Welcome to SR.

Hevyn

Hi babye - It's great to have you join the family. I felt all alone until I found this place. No one in my life understood what I went through.

I started out using it to feel less anxious & shy. It turned on me big time. It made me more anti-social and sucked the life out of me in the end. This won't be you, baby - you'll kick this thing. Glad to have you aboard.