Ash007

reading the AA book, but im really struggling to understand this spiritual experience and God thing. Giving over to a higher power? I cant create one and how could I give over? So confused

Anna

Hmm, I knew I needed to reconnect with my spiritual self (not religious) in order to recover. I had to find a purpose for my life, for being here on earth. I sensed that I needed to be still and to listen to my soul. I found "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav enormously helpful to me. My Higher Power is the Universe. I should add that I'm not an AA person.

NewBeginning010

I would say that your higher power can be anything you want it to be... there are others here that have more experience with this in regards to the BB.

I just wanted to wish you the best in your recovery & journey

Stevie1

Go to the AA forum, this has been discussed a lot. It's also discussed in the Big Book. Millions of people before you have struggled with this concept.

I'm a stone-cold atheist, but after some mental gymnastics I am making this "Higher Power" concept work for me.
For one thing - alcohol and addiction is stronger than I, alone, am. It is more powerful. Apparently, because after a couple of decades of trying, I cannot. Quit. Alone.
Without help, alcohol is a higher (or stronger) power than I am. Some people start out with the AA fellowship as their HP. Or a sort of Jungian collective unconsciousness.

So I see my Higher Power as some sort of amalgam of strength in numbers, group effort, a union, and other earthly things I have no control over - when the sun rises and sets, weather, seasons, whatever it is that tells birds when to lay eggs and trees to start budding out and the tides to wax and wane.

Compared to those things, I am an insignificant speck in the sea of humanity and I'm certainly not in charge of anything much except myself. You don't "create" a higher power. It already is, whether you experience it or not.

This helps me too:
Desiderata (Text-only version)

IndaMiricale

First try to to get to caught up in it. Keep it really simple.

For me when I came into AA and not a religious person I at first was a little overwhelmed, but I chose the people in my meetings to become my higher power. I could see them and hear them, that made sense to me. So they helped me stay sober. So now I have my own HP that is just for me .

Glad to hear your reading the Big Book, just take your time and read and dont judge just try to relate. If you can please go to some meetings and talk to people. For , just bring the body and the mind will follow.

Fyi , I know someone in my home group that used the coffee maker as her higher power at first, because it was always there waiting for her at the meeting. You see take your time remain open-minded and teachable.

Look forward to hearing more on your journey. If you like to talk about stuff , feel free to pm me.

Good love, Inda

2granddaughters

Go to the meetings and listen to the oldtimers. Ask them how they did it. Ask your sponsor.

I found that it's a process, the longer I practice it the better it gets. Like learning to play the piano.

All the best.

Bob R

miamifella

I used to have the same problem. I often thought that what I really needed was not a sponsor, but rather someone to guide me through these early stages of just trying to figure out the program.

There are a lot of people willing to be such guides on SR. I understand a lot more from people on this site, so you are in the right place.

Ash007

Thanks for everyones replies I havent been to a meeting, bit too scared tbh. i dont think i would be very comfortable with it either as im so private. its okay on here coz no one can see me. im sure i will eventually get up the guts to go

Stevie1

This is pretty accurate:
Your First AA Meeting<

Pretty much everyone is terrified of their first AA meeting! That's expected and understood. Just go. You don't have to say a word.

IndaMiricale

Stevie hit that one on the head. I swear to you, after I walked thru the door all those feelings were gone, and after I felt great. Even laughed at myself for being scared.

Stevie1

I got to my first meeting 30 minutes early, then sat in my car dithering and chain-smoking and stressing out the whole time. Almost said eff it and drove away.
And I don't have a single shred of social anxiety; I can pretty much talk to anyone, anywhere, any time! But still, it was scary.

I did go in and I was blown away by how nice people were, and how much I identified with them. Each meeting has a different vibe...Ash, if you're unsure call the AA hotline for your area and ask for recommendations to a good meeting for newbies. Seriously, people are nice.

hypochondriac

I second this. Just do it Ash, you won't regret it. The person I spoke to on the phone met me outside the meeting and once I was there all the fear started to drift away pretty quickly. I haven't figured out the higher power thing yet either but it will probably be GOD - Group Of Drunks Or the universe...gotta stop thinking that I'm the centre of it!

Stevie1

YES! Seriously...part of getting sober is letting go of the pity-party/I am special so I MUST drink thinking.
We're all just drunk losers...it's what we do with that that counts! You are hardly alone.

sugarbear1

It's an experience. Plain and simple, something that is experienced and can't be explained. For me, it was the result of working the steps with the guidance of a sponsor. The steps are in order for a reason, but it's still unexplainable. It's felt and (again) experienced.

spirituald

It's God as you understand it. No one can tell you. It's really simple actually, don't over think it.