Today, things change
 

I honestly have no idea where to start. I live in a home where my wife and I are both "casual drinkers". The problem is, she truly drinks one beer with or after dinner. I stop at the gas station on the way home and buy a high-gravity beer or two and drink them while she isn't looking, in the entrance to the neighborhood or even find excuses to go out to the car throughout the evening.
She sees me drink a beer with her but never the others.

I'm not really sure when it started or when it went from one or two to a couple of 24oz ghetto-beers in secret.

I have always been in great shape and my eating, exercise habits haven't changed but I am about 10lbs heavier than I was 6mos ago now. I wake up every morning feeling guilty and tired even though i had a full nights sleep.

I have decided to stop now but can't find it in my heart/pride/etc... to ask a friend to be an accountability partner. I am on a few forums and have realized that if I can fix my car, talk about golf and football and get the support, discussion and information I need in those areas that maybe the same can be true here.

My last drink was last night at 10:30pm when I pounded a 24oz Icehouse while I walked the dog.

I do not want to repeat this again. I would like to humbly ask each of you to hold me accountable. Ask me publically, I'll answer and be honest.

Today, things change. I can already say that I haven't had a drink in 16 hours. I want to go to bed tonight saying I haven't had a drink in 24.

I have 4 children, a good job and an amazing wife. I do not want that to change.

Thanks for listening.

Frank

That is so awesome that you are deciding to stop, I am sure you are smart enough to know that if it goes on it will only progress.

I used to sneak beer on walks, in the bathroom, in the car etc... I think my BF knew more about it then he ever mentioned. I thought I was slicker than I actually was.

I am only 6 weeks sober but this room has been a key factor in my sobriety thus far. You have come to the right place!

Welcome :)

Thanks for the quick reply and welcome. The more I read here the more I realize my story has been and is being retold time and time again.

I never thought I would be here.

Familydude,

:welcome You will find a lot of support here. Glad to hear you are on the journey of sobriety! Best wishes.

Welcome! So glad you've made the decision to quit. Sounds like you a lot to get sober for!

Welcome Familydude! I'm sure most of us did not want to have a screen name on a recovery board yet here we are. You've taken a big step, and will find a lot of guidance and support here. I also use the internet for just about everything, and find it's very helpful to do this here as well. It's private, and very easy to share your thoughts. Best of luck on day 1 :)

Yes.... There are a lot of very similar stories. I noticed that early on here as well.

I use what I read so I can play it back when I hit a tough day. It's helpful to know that in at least one way I am not unique at all.

It helps me to also know that abstinence is entirely achievable by the examples I read about daily.

Welcome.

Welcome FamilyDude!

It really is baffling.... I was able to do my job, pay the bills, be a single mom to 3 children, but I couldn't control my drinking. The thing is, it doesn't happen overnight - it just feels like we allowed ourselves an extra drink here or there and that's what we tell ourselves until things start getting painful.

Glad you've joined us. You're doing something great for yourself and your family.:c011:

Familydude, welcome and you are definitely in good company here. As artsoul says....it's baffling and progressive, and many of us were secret drinkers and holding it together quite successfully in public. While sick and dying inside.

Come here daily if you can, both to report progress (or even lack thereof) and to share with others.

Welcome Familydude. I was that secret drinker too. Four grown children begging me to change. I finally did it for ME because I need to be there for my family.
You can do it too Frank.
Check in lots....it will inspire you so much.
Hugs, Lit

Welcome - similiar story to yours, a bunch of years ago. It progressed. I did not get help. It progressed more. Denied the issue. It got worse. It really started to mess up my life. I couldn't ignore or deny it any longer. HERE I AM.

Welcome!

Welcome to the forum! You are doing the right thing, secret drinking is no way to live your life. You will feel better mentally and physically and be there for your wife and kids if you give this up now.

Best wishes,
-z

Have you thought about talking to your wife. Maybe she could help.

Welcome!

I'm glad you found us.

Welcome aboard :)

Keep reading and posting on your feelings. :)

Welcome!

Hiding your drinking is a big red flag. This disease is progressive and if you keep up this behavior you won't be able to drink enough beer when you walk the dog. When I reached that point, vodka entered my life. It was a slippery slope downhill from there.

welcome to the SR community Frank :)

D

Welcome to the family! :ghug3

Hey Familydude! I am new here too, welcome aboard.