Humiliated

I know I should have done this at least a year ago if not longer ago. I am not drinking alcohol anymore, for me, for my kids, for the future. The guardian angel that has protected me these years is much appreciated, but no longer needed. My husband has been in more denial than me, and I'm not sure how this decision will effect our marriage, one day at a time, only time will tell

Weasel1966

Your determination jumps off the screen. You seem ready to do what's needed and that's what it takes.

MalkavianEmily

Congratulations, Humiliated. You're in the right place for all the help and support you need. You can do this.

ZiggyB

Congrads for coming to this decision - you can do it!

Hevyn

Glad to hear the good news, humiliated. I delayed quitting for decades, with horrifying results. You will never regret this.

Humiliated

Thanks for words of encouragement. Hevyn, I needed to hear what you said, deep down I know if I don't do this now things will go from bad to worse! That scares the crap out of me. Alcohol is not meant for everyone, and I am not meant to drink, period. I feel like I am finally okay with accepting that, without regret well, there are lots of nights I regret, looking forward to the day I can say years ago, decades ago, I was a drinker and gave it up and never looked back

Live2Run25

Good for you. You can do it!!

duane1

Congratulations! Keep us updated on your progress! Do you have a plan on how you're gonna stay sober?

Humiliated

Right now my plan is to keep reminding myself of why I shouldn't drink and promise to not even have 1. My husband will be my biggest obstacle, I don't think he is ready to accept the truth

Jeni26

My husband wasn't ready for the truth either at first, but he learned to be.
Be strong. You can do this x

freshstart57

There are reasons not to drink, things that will happen if you drink. They are nasty, bad, depressing, and you seem to know about those OK.

But there are many more reasons to stay sober, things you can have, things you can be if you get and stay that way. It might have been a while and you might have forgotten about them. Make no mistake about this: you can have those things, you can be that person. It will take courage and determination, but you seem to have all the rest of the necessary stuff in spades, Humiliated.

When you this day comes, and I know it will, you might have to change your board name. Best to you.

Humiliated

The last time I drank was Saturday night, Sunday was horrible. Today I went for the 6 mile run I was supposed to do this weekend and am feeling great. I have never drank every day, my problem has always been i go for a while moderating and drinking normal and then for whatever reason I drink like it's the last alcohol in the world and then it seemed like those times were occurring more frequently and about the time I was feeling better about myself I would do it again. So this time I decided it's the last time I will ever feel that way again! It is what it is and unfortunately I can't change the way alcohol effects me, but I can choose not to drink. Accepting that I can't control the effect alcohol has on me is relieving in a way. Instead of me feeling like I am a failure at moderating, I can now remind myself that I don't get to choose how alcohol effects me. My husband is not really being supportive, basically giving me one word responses of "sure" when I told him I had decided not to drink anymore. It's pretty heart breaking because I have actually been trying to tell him for over a year now that I am not meant to drink. He always says things like "stop overreacting, you are just saying that because you are hungover, you just need to moderate". It's almost as if he is mad at me for being a failure at moderating...... so I have decided to be strong and I simply told him to please not make any moderating remarks and just support me. We shall see. We have a rock concert to go to next month and I think he is mad at the thought of me not drinking and being the party girl I have always been. I'm hoping he will come around, but either way I know what I need to do. I have 2 beautiful children and haven't ruined my life and I'm not gambling with it anymore, I have been so lucky to be where I am at in life right now.

justhadenough

Welcome to SR.I think it changes balance when 1 person stops drinking.sorry to hear your husband isn't supportive.I hope you continue to stay sober

Sentso

You seem very strong and motivated. I'm sorry to hear you don't get the support you deserve at home. But you can find a lot of support here!
I'm sure you can have a lot of fun at the concert without drinking. I personally have a lot of fun playing gigs and hanging out after without drinking. You can do it too! And congrats on day 4!

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Glad you are here!

Jeni26

I was in the same position as you a few months back. No understanding at home. In fact, my new found sobriety was actually a threat to him as it changed everything. Our social life, our friends, our relationship. I battled through it though those early days weren't easy.
I just wanted to say stay strong. Focus on the positive changes in you. Somebody who isn't alcoholic just doesn't get that we are totally unable to moderate. We are powerless.
You know that alcoholism is progressive right. It will get worse. You owe it to yourself to get off that roller coaster. If you are not able to find support at home, find it elsewhere, I went to AA and pretty much stayed on SR. I still do.
Things improved for me at home. He gets it now, but if he didn't I would still be doing this for me, for my kids, and for the life I deserve.
Keep strong xxx

Humiliated

Jeni26 - Thank you for sharing your story. I know it's not easy for the other person. Thankfully I have never really done anything while drunk other than embarrass my husband. He has always made jokes about me being the "drinker" and party animal. It's pretty confusing, because he has actually always encouraged me to go out and drink even though he has never really been much of a drinker. Then he kind of throws it back in my face when I am feeling like a loser and would say things like "you will always be a drinker, it's in your blood, you just need to moderate". It's always been very odd to me. I have even thought maybe it's a way to have the upper hand with me. So, there are a lot of marraige issues I will need to deal with too. My plan is to work on me and not let the other problems derail my efforts. I'm just hoping he doesn't tell me to loosen up and have a drink. Hopefully I can have a success story.

LoftyIdeals

Welcome, humiliated. The adjustment with/for my wife when I quit drinking was real, and it took her a couple months to see I was sticking to it. You have to be strong, as it sounds you are. One piece of advice. Don't give up your guardian angel; you may need her for regular life!

soberbrooke

I knew I should stop a whole lot longer than when I did also. Good for you for making that decision. It was hard for me in the very beginning, but now it is a piece of cake. I had to do it with AA and I got a sponsor right away. All of my relapses, I didn't get sponsors that were good for me, I wasn't working the steps, I really didn't go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I didn't take it seriously.
If I would have known how great it could be, then I would have done this when I was 19!! I am loving life now. It has brought me from a miserable bitch to someone that I am really proud of. I am just picking up the pieces of my life and it feels good to get everything done without the alcohol. Actually, I couldn't do it with the alcohol!!

Humiliated

I just had a post written out and my internet shut down on me... So here is the short version:

Went to the doctor to get on Zoloft and when my husband asked me how it went I told him she also made counseling referral and recomended marraige counseling that opened up a can of worms. He asked if our marraige was really that ****ed up? I reminded him that he has been asking me for months if I am going to leave him, so he must know that I have been unhappy.

I have no excuse for not addressing the problems in our marraige. My resentments have been building for years, to the point of being cold and until now self medicating with alcohol. I also have anxiety issues and need counseling for things not related to the marraige, so that doesn't help either. I have tried for years to chalk up my issues with his actions/lack of actions as "that's just the way he is".

A couple weeks ago we were talking about a sad story of a teenage that became addicted to pain pills after a surgery and I made a comment about how horrible it would be to have something control you like that. He laughed and said "alcohol controls you, but I accept you for who you are"................

Not only am I frustrated for myself for letting things fester for years, problems in the marraige, drinking too much, not dealing with my anxiety. But I am saddened and frustrated with him for doing the same.

In 10 years we have never screamed or yelled, neither one of us has left, we thought we were doing pretty good.

He just left for work after a night of choosing to sleep on the couch, not talking to me, won't even look at me.

I know it's a long road ahead. Hoping to move forward, since I know I can't change the past. Tomorrow I will start the Zoloft. I will not drink. The marraige issues are gonna take a while, I don't know when we will start any counseling. Prob not until I have had some on my own is what my doc recommended.

I am okay with not drinking, I wish my marraige was better and it was easier. I also know that I did need to say I was unhappy as the first step towards being able to tell him what I have been feeling. It's a lot harder to deal with your problems than drink them away, but I know it will get better, I will get better.