Closet/functioning alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Maryland
Posts: 106
Hi Riggingdo. Thanks for sharing. I had a lot of the same behaviors as you. I successfully hid my drinking, including a lot of drinking at work, for many years. I considered myself a 'functioning' alcoholic as well. I learned rather quickly though that 'functioning' is just a stage of alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and if you are an alcoholic like me it will get worse. It became nearly impossible for me to hide it anymore even though I hadn't suffered any major consequences as a result of my drinking.
The amount of energy I put into hiding my drinking, as well as creating the illusion that my life was manageable, was ridiculous. I was exhauted, unpleasant to be around, constantly lying to people I cared about and putting people in harms way. But at the same time, in spite of all the pain, I could not imagine my life with out alcohol.
Once I gave up fighting alcoholism, and admitted that I could not safely drink, it actually became easier not to drink. I am celebrating one year today.....if I can do it so can anyone.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and if you are an alcoholic like me it will get worse. It became nearly impossible for me to hide it anymore even though I hadn't suffered any major consequences as a result of my drinking.
The amount of energy I put into hiding my drinking, as well as creating the illusion that my life was manageable, was ridiculous. I was exhauted, unpleasant to be around, constantly lying to people I cared about and putting people in harms way. But at the same time, in spite of all the pain, I could not imagine my life with out alcohol.
Once I gave up fighting alcoholism, and admitted that I could not safely drink, it actually became easier not to drink. I am celebrating one year today.....if I can do it so can anyone.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
We drink because we don't feel comfortable in the world - I think that's the bottom line for most of us. Alcohol is a quick solution - it quiets our fear and shuts down the negative voices in our head.
The problem is when it wears off, the pain is still there, if not worse. That's because we've done nothing to address the real problem. We have to face the fear to get past it.
Most of us don't want to do that. It's scary. All we see is more pain, not the healing and growth on the other side. In a way we're lucky, though, because the consequences of drinking can make us willing to change.
You're aware of a lot of your fears and how much you want to escape. Not only that, you came here and talked about it. That's huge....... Some people never get there. They'll insist to the bitter end that they don't have a problem - it's everyone else. They come to believe that life has been especially unfair to them - they have no choice but to drink.
It's normal at first to be afraid to get sober, to want to retreat back into the only comfort we know. On the other hand, if you can believe, even for a fraction of a second, that a better life is possible, you've already opened yourself to finding real solutions. I promise you, alcohol can't give you what you really want, which is a life where you can feel good about yourself.
The problem is when it wears off, the pain is still there, if not worse. That's because we've done nothing to address the real problem. We have to face the fear to get past it.
Most of us don't want to do that. It's scary. All we see is more pain, not the healing and growth on the other side. In a way we're lucky, though, because the consequences of drinking can make us willing to change.
You're aware of a lot of your fears and how much you want to escape. Not only that, you came here and talked about it. That's huge....... Some people never get there. They'll insist to the bitter end that they don't have a problem - it's everyone else. They come to believe that life has been especially unfair to them - they have no choice but to drink.
It's normal at first to be afraid to get sober, to want to retreat back into the only comfort we know. On the other hand, if you can believe, even for a fraction of a second, that a better life is possible, you've already opened yourself to finding real solutions. I promise you, alcohol can't give you what you really want, which is a life where you can feel good about yourself.
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
Originally Posted by RevivingOphelia 
I think your wife might like to know how you feel about her. I'm not sure why you had three children with someone who is "not even close" to your "dream girl" and that you knew wasn't "right" for you from the get go.
Don't you think she deserves to live a life with someone who truly loves her? I know I would be horrified if someone was married to me who felt this way and would want to know, so I could forge a life on my own and find someone who truly loves me.
I do wish you well with your recovery, but I think being honest with the mother of your children about your (lack of) feelings is an ethical start to perhaps being honest in other areas of your life.
Don't you think she deserves to live a life with someone who truly loves her? I know I would be horrified if someone was married to me who felt this way and would want to know, so I could forge a life on my own and find someone who truly loves me.
I do wish you well with your recovery, but I think being honest with the mother of your children about your (lack of) feelings is an ethical start to perhaps being honest in other areas of your life.
"I have gone through withdrawals from paxil, percocet (4 times), vicodin (5 times), methadone (dont ask) once, effexor (due to missed dosage) 2 times and alcohol 6 times. Each withdrawal gives the same effect. A tention and aching pain inn my stomach right above my belly button."
It sounds like you and your wife have been through more then the closet drinking.
About booze making you fun and making your life better: IMO there will come a time that it will ultimately destroy your life and relationships.
Looking back at my drinking, sure there where times when I was "fun" but there where times when I was horrid, flat out sloppy, mean, pathetic, and horrid. You seem at a place where you like yourself drunk more then sober, and believe that other people do too. I can tell you, that I may be a little more "boring" around my BF at this point, but it is a million times better then the unpredictable drama and BS I inflicted on him when I was drunk. Of course my BF thinks I am a pretty fun gal now
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by Rigginsdoo
However, my wife would get angry about me going trying to go to the gym every day. She got upset about eating healthy all the time. Said I wasnt the man she married.
Originally Posted by Rigginsdoo
Then my wife didnt like me going on walks. It left her to deal with our daughter all alone. So I stopped walking.
Originally Posted by Rigginsdoo
lose my wifes attention (as when I was sober she didnt seem to like me much,)
Originally Posted by Rigginsdoo
I have a therapist. He thinks my wife is to blame. Thinks she has "eaten my balls." and I and I agree, to a degree.
We go to councilling tomorrow. We'l see if that helps.
If not, I suppose a divorce is the best option. I dont know that it will help though
We go to councilling tomorrow. We'l see if that helps.
If not, I suppose a divorce is the best option. I dont know that it will help though
Originally Posted by Rigginsdoo
I wouldnt dare ask my wife, because shes told me before after catching me drinking and driving that she will leave me if she catches me again.
Also, why would you care if she left at this point? You never thought she was the one for you and, from reading these comments, it seems that you consider her a major factor preventing your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 93
Hi Rigg.
I don't know if you are being entirely honest with yourself. Your drinking (among other things) is your problem. It is not all your wife's fault. As far as your "dream girl" they're never really perfect. My "dream guy" is Brad Pitt, but if I had to live with him it would probably kill the fantasy... That's why I live with and love my DH. He's not Brat Pitt in the looks but in everything else he is beyond Brad Pitt. I'm not perfect either but he loves me. Maybe your expectations are not realistic? I am trying to help so if I offended sorry...:horse
I don't know if you are being entirely honest with yourself. Your drinking (among other things) is your problem. It is not all your wife's fault. As far as your "dream girl" they're never really perfect. My "dream guy" is Brad Pitt, but if I had to live with him it would probably kill the fantasy... That's why I live with and love my DH. He's not Brat Pitt in the looks but in everything else he is beyond Brad Pitt. I'm not perfect either but he loves me. Maybe your expectations are not realistic? I am trying to help so if I offended sorry...:horse
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
