Nessa828

So, my alcohol problems started 8 years ago when my younger sister passed away at 17 years old unexpectedly... I used alcohol to mask feelings, and more importantly, to not deal with what happened. The only time I got sober was when I was pregnant with my daughter... For some reason, it was not hard for me to quit, and I was probably the happiest pregnant person around. I look back, and it's because I was fully aware of my life, how it was unfolding, etc. since having my daughter, I started drinking again... A LOT.... I realized today, that I had been practically emotionless for years, and my daughter sparked emotions in me again. I haven't understood how to deal with them, so I would drink to even out the emotions. I really need to just accept the fact that emotions are fine, they are normal, and I should allow myself to express them. I can't believe I am writing this here, I haven't told anyone this....ever... I can't believe all the realizations that come with being sober.... I'm really loving this, and I hope I have the strength to continue!

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss - but that's a great realisation and a very true one I think.
One of the greatest gifts of my recovery is the ability to feel again

D

Hevyn

I agree - a great realization, and one I wish I'd had many years ago. I thought I was enhancing my life by drinking - helping myself to not be so anxious. As you said, it just masks our normal feelings and keeps us from growing.

We're very glad you found us. Admitting these things is so freeing. That's why I love it here. I know everyone understands me. Hope you keep posting!

Tendencies

Emotions. I hear you. I did not think I was allowed to have them or express them. Emotions are what they are. They are not good or bad. They are feelings. Being angry is not bad in itself or feeling sad. I struggle with that.

justhadenough

sorry to hear of your loss.

GLad you are feeling better sober.

CaiHong

Hi Nessa and welcome,
yes I find that I can tell complete recovering alcoholic strangers things I have never shared with anyone.
This site is invaluable, its open 24/7. I have been reading and posting here for over a year now since getting sober and it has been largely instrumental
In keeping me sober in conjunction with AA.
A very grateful alcoholic
CaiHong

artsoul

Welcome and congratulations for getting sober! What you said is so true - It's hard to feel connected to anything when we can't even connect with ourselves.

Great post - thanks!