EternalQ

I used to live with an addict. It was horrible. Near the end, my partner build their whole day around drinking. We always had to have alcohol in the house or a panic attack would ensue.

And money kept disappearing. The account was always overdrawn. Bills were paid, whenever. Our credit rate plummeted. One year we couldn't afford trash pickup for three months, but we somehow always had alcohol in the house. I was so ashamed I stopped allowing friends or family to our house. There was crap strewn everywhere... And one year our taxes didn't get filed. I avoided the gaze of our neighbors. I felt helpless and hopeless that change was possible. I felt worthless.

I picked at the dog and yelled at him. We ran out of dogfood but not alcohol. Food rotted in the fridge. I was so depressed. I didn't know how to get out of it! I thought, if I did, I would have to admit to the world what had been happening and I was too ashamed for that. I felt worthless.

My mother was dying and I spent all free time with her. It was the only time I wasn't ashamed. It was also the only time I wasn't with the addict.

I was neglecting my health. I had migraines and I was missing work. I was scared to live life alone. I had convinced myself that I needed them. Who would love me if they knew the truth? I tried sleeping without the addict but I would toss and turn and shake and felt so conflicted.

Finally, I found the courage to go it alone. I asked for help. I told the truth. I kicked them out. It was so scary. Again and again they asked to come back. Pleaded. Threatened. Somehow, I stood my ground.

Today, I am free. The addict was me. Now, I am whole again.

justhadenough

A very moving,heartfelt post.thankyou.

Dee74

That was a fantastic post EQ - thank you

D