MsAprilJ

I really need all the support I can get right now. I am tired of living my life the way I have been. I have struggled with alcohol pretty much all of my adult life. I was able to abstain once for 6 weeks and even then I cheated a couple of times. So I guess it doesn't really count. I continue to rationalize my drinking and deny my problem because my life is going along okay. Except for the fact that I feel like **** most days because i wake up with a hangover. I can't seem to relax without having a few drinks. I don't know how I will ever have fun without alcohol as part of the equation. I know I am not as physically healthy as I could be. Alcohol has caused A LOT of conflict within my family. I have even recently called in "sick" to work because of a terrible hangover. I feel so pathetic. And I am scared that I am not going to have the strength to stop, although the thought of living the rest of my life in this hell is even more terrifying. I am thinking about going to AA and really sticking with it this time. For some reason I always feel like an outsider when I go, but maybe that is because I haven't been completely open to it. I just feel so alone right now in this struggle. I have been reading posts on here and everyone is so kind and supportive. I need some of that.

Thank you

Weasel1966

Welcome! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

What you describe is the very nature of what being an alcoholic is about. But the good part is that I hear in a sincere post like yours is that you want to get help. That's always the first requirement to getting better.

I am still new in everything but can tell you there is a lot to learn.

AA is one way and a good way for a lot of people. For me I choose AVRT and you can read more about that in secular connections area.

What ever you choose to do you are in a great place. We are here for support of each other.

Stay a while and read and post!

Again welcome.

mecanix

If you cheat you're only cheating yourself, as you know.

It's possible to stop and stay stopped, it takes work and comitment but the rewards are worth it in my opinion . 6 weeks patchy sounds great by yourself "white knuckling it".

Abstaining from drink is the first part, learning to maintain sobriety is the second and often changes things in your life as we learn how to cope differently with those things that used to help drive us to drink . Use this resource to support an help yourself ,

bestwishes M

TTBABP

I haven't done such a great job not drinking yet myself but I can wish you the best of luck. It is really helpful to hang around here and read posts and post when you need to.

freshstart57

You are here because it's not.

You have forgotten what you are like without alcohol. Try to remember back to before your first drink. Carefree, relaxed, authentic, I'll wager.

This issue is the big one, I think. I needed the confidence in myself first, before I took that deep breath and made my choice. I think you need to believe in yourself too.

You say you went to AA, but you are here now with these questions, MissAprilJ. What is your plan? Are you going to go back to AA with a determination this time? Will you try another approach and make it work, come hell or high water?

You have the strength inside you, we all do. First you must believe. I believe in you, I know you can do this. The time to do this is now.

artsoul

Hi MsAprilJ -

We've all been there - you're not alone. I knew I couldn't keep drinking the way I was but the thought of getting sober terrified me. I was having a hard time getting through the day already - alcohol was my only reward, my only source of entertainment, the way I got to sleep at night, my escape valve...... (that should have been a wake-up call - normal drinkers don't build their lives around drinking).

It's hard to imagine a life without it because we assume things are going to get worse, not better. It's not true, though...... that's what your addiction is telling you. I believed it too, but after coming here and reading about others' experiences, I decided it would be worth taking a chance that I could be wrong. Now I can't imagine how I ever lived that way.

It takes courage to admit we have a problem and you did that today. Glad you're here - welcome!

Dee74

I think most of us are terrified with the thought of living without alcohol April - it's like throwing away the crutch you've used for many years...

It's a leap of faith - but you have testimony here from hundreds of people who'll tell you it's ok...life does go on...and in fact life in recovery is better

It's not always an easy road sure...but you'll find a ton of support and ideas here - you can do this

I hope you will check out AA - and keep posting here

D

hypochondriac

I hear ya MsApril!

I struggled with alcohol my entire adult life too. It seems to me that there is nothing I have faced without it. I started drinking when I was 12 so it was always a crutch to me and I had no idea how I could exist without it. I'm coming up to 5 months sober now though and I have realised that alcohol was not all that, and it's so nice to be free. It's nice to know that I don't have to drink and that I can function socially without it, much better in fact. Of course the doubt comes and goes but things do start getting better quite quickly. I'm glad you're here and that you give sobriety a go x

MsAprilJ

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For the outpouring of support. Today is day one and its safe to say I made it through. However, the real challenge hasn't begun yet. I know in a few days the cravings will start to emerge in full force. I am reading about something called "urge surfing" which I plan to try. I am also going to take up yoga. I've realized that I really have no real outlets, hobbies, or passions. The only thing I really get excited about is drinking! How sad is that?!?!? In fact, I don't bother attending dry events because I automatically assume that the experience will be boring without a social lubricant. Ugh... the truth is so ugly right now! However, the truth, as they say, will set you free. So here I am, one day of sobriety, well actually 9 hours and 20 minutes according to my handy BAC calculator, but about 24 hrs. without a drink. One day at a time, right?