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What is wrong with me???

Old 07-19-2012, 07:49 PM
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What is wrong with me???

Hi all,

I have been here many times over the years, sometimes happy and sober. Most times depressed and desperate.

It's 3.30am here and once again I have woken up with and dry mouth, headache and in a major panic.

I have gotten caught up in a horrible downward spiral and I'm terrified.

I started my own business a last year and it's been successful but I seem to be trying to destroy it, like I can't handle the success and pressure.

Everything else in my life is getting worse, daily and I'm truly scared this time that the depression is so bad that I might not recover and lose everything.

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Old 07-19-2012, 08:11 PM
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are you seeing a therapist?
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Old 07-19-2012, 08:24 PM
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Welcome ultrabunny!

I found that the longer I continued to drink, the more depressed and anxious I felt (and the worse the hangovers got). Life just got to be so hard (even the small things).

I'm a single mom and have my own business, too (in art), which made it easier to drink and get away with it. I still managed to make myself miserable.

I'm glad you found this forum. You don't have to live like this anymore. HUGS......
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Old 07-19-2012, 08:37 PM
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I'm going to have some CBT in September. Had counselling before. I know whats going on... minor sexual abuse when 12, rejection from parents, abusive relationships, eating disorders blar blar... I hate myself deep down. Really hate myself.

I am a single parent too. Massively in debt. And really really scared.
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Old 07-19-2012, 08:37 PM
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welcome back ultrabunny

apart from posting here, what other plans do you have for your recovery?

D
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Old 07-19-2012, 08:42 PM
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I tried AA but didn't really want to keep going there. Also, very hard with being a single parent.

As I mentioned, I'm going to have some cognitive behaviour therapy but the course doesn't start till Sept.

I don't know what else to do. I just wish I could stay stopped. I just keep on giving up (did 3 mths earlier this year) Then something happens in life and I just have that 1 drink...and BAM! Right back to square one.

But it's getting worse...
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Old 07-19-2012, 08:45 PM
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I spoke to the counsellor about the drinking and she helpfully suggested that I only buy mini bottles of wine.

Ahhh! If only I had thought of that before!!! ;-)
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Old 07-19-2012, 09:01 PM
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There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Most recovery programmes have online meetings now....otherwise, maybe Rational Recovery would be a good fit for you - no meetings...just a book

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from that or other non 12 step approaches like SMART, LifeRing etc.

D
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