ultrabunny

Hi all,

I have been here many times over the years, sometimes happy and sober. Most times depressed and desperate.

It's 3.30am here and once again I have woken up with and dry mouth, headache and in a major panic.

I have gotten caught up in a horrible downward spiral and I'm terrified.

I started my own business a last year and it's been successful but I seem to be trying to destroy it, like I can't handle the success and pressure.

Everything else in my life is getting worse, daily and I'm truly scared this time that the depression is so bad that I might not recover and lose everything.

DisplacedGRITS

are you seeing a therapist?

artsoul

Welcome ultrabunny!

I found that the longer I continued to drink, the more depressed and anxious I felt (and the worse the hangovers got). Life just got to be so hard (even the small things).

I'm a single mom and have my own business, too (in art), which made it easier to drink and get away with it. I still managed to make myself miserable.

I'm glad you found this forum. You don't have to live like this anymore. HUGS......

ultrabunny

I'm going to have some CBT in September. Had counselling before. I know whats going on... minor sexual abuse when 12, rejection from parents, abusive relationships, eating disorders blar blar... I hate myself deep down. Really hate myself.

I am a single parent too. Massively in debt. And really really scared.

Dee74

welcome back ultrabunny

apart from posting here, what other plans do you have for your recovery?

D

ultrabunny

I tried AA but didn't really want to keep going there. Also, very hard with being a single parent.

As I mentioned, I'm going to have some cognitive behaviour therapy but the course doesn't start till Sept.

I don't know what else to do. I just wish I could stay stopped. I just keep on giving up (did 3 mths earlier this year) Then something happens in life and I just have that 1 drink...and BAM! Right back to square one.

But it's getting worse...

ultrabunny

I spoke to the counsellor about the drinking and she helpfully suggested that I only buy mini bottles of wine.

Ahhh! If only I had thought of that before!!! ;-)

Dee74

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Most recovery programmes have online meetings now....otherwise, maybe Rational Recovery would be a good fit for you - no meetings...just a book

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from that or other non 12 step approaches like SMART, LifeRing etc.

D