Intro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
Intro
I'm stopping. I'm not worrying about asking him to stop. We've gotten into the habit of wine with dinner plus a nightcap for about the last... golly, 8 years. I'm not drinking every day, but almost. When I was in my 20/s and 30/s I used to do some social binge drinking, however, I'd go for months without drinking.
About 8-10 years ago, I went from drinking socially on the weekends to 2 glasses each day. Then, 5-6 years ago, I started doing occassional binge drinking again, every 1-2 weeks. That scarred me, though I knew it was because I was working through some pretty difficult realizations and putting some life experiences into perspective.
About two years ago, I went down to 2-4 drinks / day with no binge events. I was trying to be in control of it, and would stop drinking sometimes for a few weeks or a month. Only to start up again. It was a special treat, my only vice.
But, I've realized I'm pretty useless even after one drink. It's like my brain shuts off entirely, and I cannot do anything. I also always seem to not be able to judge my consumption when consuming. I almost always have one drink too many at a party, for example. It's a waste of time and I know I carry an extra 15 lbs or so from the alcohol. I've got high cholesterol. Since I eat well otherwise, it can only be from the alcohol. I'm worried about my health.
I haven't stopped entirely yet. My goal is to replace alcohol with running and walking, though I admit it is tough to think a run is a nice, special treat. Even when I ran 3-5 miles a day, I never felt it was a treat!
My motivation is being a better role model for my kids and a healthy grand mom (though that is probably 15 or 20 years away!). I have a new friend who was just diagnosed with a life-threatening disease. If it were me, would I feel proud of my life and ready to leave it gracefully?
I don't have any regrets right now, but there is so much I want to do. I've integrated the events of my life that were not positive. I'm not in denial or fooling myself or trying to control anymore. I've let go of my challenging relationships and set boundaries to protect myself and my family.
So, the next thing to do is to let go of alcohol. I just had a birthday. I think it is a good time.
Thanks for reading.
About 8-10 years ago, I went from drinking socially on the weekends to 2 glasses each day. Then, 5-6 years ago, I started doing occassional binge drinking again, every 1-2 weeks. That scarred me, though I knew it was because I was working through some pretty difficult realizations and putting some life experiences into perspective.
About two years ago, I went down to 2-4 drinks / day with no binge events. I was trying to be in control of it, and would stop drinking sometimes for a few weeks or a month. Only to start up again. It was a special treat, my only vice.
But, I've realized I'm pretty useless even after one drink. It's like my brain shuts off entirely, and I cannot do anything. I also always seem to not be able to judge my consumption when consuming. I almost always have one drink too many at a party, for example. It's a waste of time and I know I carry an extra 15 lbs or so from the alcohol. I've got high cholesterol. Since I eat well otherwise, it can only be from the alcohol. I'm worried about my health.
I haven't stopped entirely yet. My goal is to replace alcohol with running and walking, though I admit it is tough to think a run is a nice, special treat. Even when I ran 3-5 miles a day, I never felt it was a treat!
My motivation is being a better role model for my kids and a healthy grand mom (though that is probably 15 or 20 years away!). I have a new friend who was just diagnosed with a life-threatening disease. If it were me, would I feel proud of my life and ready to leave it gracefully?
I don't have any regrets right now, but there is so much I want to do. I've integrated the events of my life that were not positive. I'm not in denial or fooling myself or trying to control anymore. I've let go of my challenging relationships and set boundaries to protect myself and my family.
So, the next thing to do is to let go of alcohol. I just had a birthday. I think it is a good time.
Thanks for reading.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,853
Good for you!!! You are giving yourself a wonderful gift.
Welcome to SR! There is tons of support here and I hope you'll read and post often. This place helped save my life and I hope you will enjoy coming here.
Welcome to SR! There is tons of support here and I hope you'll read and post often. This place helped save my life and I hope you will enjoy coming here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
Thank you!
Thanks for the kind words and welcome!
I feel pretty level-headed about it intellectually. Yet -- there are those pesky things called feelings and compulsions that really get in the way of making the right choices day by day.
I just know I can be more true to myself and my own ethics. I know I can grow beyond this, and that alcohol is a habit that is keeping me stuck. I accept that it served a purpose, kept me a little medicated, a little oblivious to bad things.
But I don't need or want to be oblivious now, because my life is really good. And, getting better. Letting go of other bad things--assumptions, patterns, relationships--has opened my mind. I no longer think the world is 50-50 good and bad. I think goodness and balance and compassion are more like 80% -- it is just that the 20% of badness is so insidious and loud.
I want to live in and by and for the 80%. The 20% will not hold my attention disproportionately anymore.
Anyway. Sorry to go on and on. And, thanks again. I'm not interested / ready for any real life group stuff. (Very small town, somewhat public role, and all that nonsense.)
I was glad to find an online alternate, as I don't think I can do it in isolation.
I feel pretty level-headed about it intellectually. Yet -- there are those pesky things called feelings and compulsions that really get in the way of making the right choices day by day.
I just know I can be more true to myself and my own ethics. I know I can grow beyond this, and that alcohol is a habit that is keeping me stuck. I accept that it served a purpose, kept me a little medicated, a little oblivious to bad things.
But I don't need or want to be oblivious now, because my life is really good. And, getting better. Letting go of other bad things--assumptions, patterns, relationships--has opened my mind. I no longer think the world is 50-50 good and bad. I think goodness and balance and compassion are more like 80% -- it is just that the 20% of badness is so insidious and loud.
I want to live in and by and for the 80%. The 20% will not hold my attention disproportionately anymore.
Anyway. Sorry to go on and on. And, thanks again. I'm not interested / ready for any real life group stuff. (Very small town, somewhat public role, and all that nonsense.)
I was glad to find an online alternate, as I don't think I can do it in isolation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I've started back up with running, and yes it is no treat to pick it up again after a decade of sitting around boozing 
I am in my seventh week of sobriety and training both, though, and it is getting a lot better. If I remember, about eight weeks was how long it took to get into something resembling conditioning when I was running cross country (although that was twenty-plus years ago, maybe I should add a couple of weeks into my calculations)
For me, training is a project that goes hand-in-hand with sobriety. The endorphins help my cravings and anxiety and my health is really improving a lot from week to week. Plus running can be a meditative, even spiritual time.
. . .and hopefully it helps me get ripped, so I get more attention from the ladies. . okay, now the truth comes out us men are all the same
oh, and :day2 and welcome to SR!
I am in my seventh week of sobriety and training both, though, and it is getting a lot better. If I remember, about eight weeks was how long it took to get into something resembling conditioning when I was running cross country (although that was twenty-plus years ago, maybe I should add a couple of weeks into my calculations)For me, training is a project that goes hand-in-hand with sobriety. The endorphins help my cravings and anxiety and my health is really improving a lot from week to week. Plus running can be a meditative, even spiritual time.
. . .and hopefully it helps me get ripped, so I get more attention from the ladies. . okay, now the truth comes out
us men are all the sameoh, and :day2 and welcome to SR!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Good for you!!! You are giving yourself a wonderful gift.
Welcome to SR! There is tons of support here and I hope you'll read and post often. This place helped save my life and I hope you will enjoy coming here.
Welcome to SR! There is tons of support here and I hope you'll read and post often. This place helped save my life and I hope you will enjoy coming here.
Welcome aboard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
the truth
Originally Posted by Notmyrealname
. . .and hopefully it helps me get ripped, so I get more attention from the ladies. . okay, now the truth comes out us men are all the same
us men are all the sameI have really hoped NOT to meet any old crushes or flames since I've gotten so out of shape. I suppose it isn't as bad as making an idiot of myself by having a couple too many drinks at a party, but still pretty bad. Ah, vanity.... whatever works, right?
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