Scared That I Can't Connect With People Here
 

I made this account a couple of weeks ago posting my origin story, and the feedback I received scared me a bit into retreat. After reading your comments I decided not to post anymore. All your support made me feel guilty. I felt guilty that such a piece of shi** like myself was absorbing the attention of actual people. Actual people that actually cared about my well being. For a social introvert like myself, that can actually be quite frightening.

I'm 20 years old. I have been reading threads on here that have been made by people in similar situations, but are older than myself. People in their 30's, 40's, 50's etc are finally deciding to quit alcohol. It makes me wonder if there's anyone on here that I could actually connect to. Why I am I so jaded with life at such a young age? People my age should be out living their life being happy. I'm stuck in my room drinking alone. Is there anyone around my age that knows what I'm going through?

Hi and Welcome,

We have many members here who are in their twenties and have decided to live without drugs and alcohol. You can do it too. :)

(((Alaska)))

Well, I'm one of the old farts :D but I sure see plenty of regular posters here in their 20s.

I think the thing is, people like YOU are the smart ones, but relatively rare. Most of us schmucks took a lot longer to admit we had a problem, and left a trail of ruin and remorse in our wakes.

One more thing: You are here about your drinking, yes? Focus on the similarities we all have, rather than getting hung up on age. Never mind that "I'm 20 so I should be out having fun" nonsense. Comparing yourself to some sort of ideal of what someone your age "should" be like will get you nowhere. Any of us, at any age, can do the same thing and most of us will fall short of the ideal. :)

We're all here because of our toxic relationships with alcohol, so you have that in common with virtually everyone on this forum. Welcome back, and don't be a stranger.

Hi and Welcome back Jack

I just looked at your other thread again - I'm sorry if you felt scared and guilty

The really great thing about SR is we really do care - and I know you're as deserving of that care as anyone else here :)

I'm glad you've returned :)

D

I was jaded at 20, also
 

I was jaded at 20. Cynical, critical, etc.

I'm only just now realizing that I was not average or normal. There were good, logical reasons behind my disconnect from the world around me and the people in it. I was reacting normally to my circumstances.

I wondered why the kinds of people I wanted to socialize with, didn't want to socialize with me. I wondered why I didn't feel like anyone else.

I get it now. I know the reasons, and about 5-6 years ago started to really integrate my life experiences.

I bumbled around a bit, then built a wonderful life, in spite of it all. Out of gratitude for my wonderful adult life, hubby, and kids -- I'm deciding now I need to let go of alcohol. I wish I'd let it go a long, long time ago. Maybe I would have felt more connected and less controlling, more participating and less wishing.

Also, please know the age difference probably will seem bigger from your perspective than it feels for anyone who is older. Because we've been twenty. You have not yet been 35 or 40 or 50 ....

Maybe when you feel the grief, try to imagine what you might want to look back on when you are 30 or 40 or 50, then start building towards that vision of a future you. That is how I survived my growing up and young adult years. (I just forgot to leave alcohol out of my vision!)

welcome to you too GreenThumb :)

D

Hi Jack. I think we can learn so much from each other - no matter what our age difference. We share a common disease and the fallout from it. Very few others in our lives can relate.

I hope you'll stay and keep posting.

Hey there GreenThumb. Very helpful post - thanks! :)

I'm in my 20's and I can relate. It can be intimidating coming out to people who are so open, but I know just in the short time I have been with it, I feel so much better. Good luck to you.

check out FlyGuy12's thread just a little bit down the page! he's only 23. we have all ages here. we have quite a few young people. don't let age alienate you. i felt like that the first time i went to AA. i'm 31 and i was the youngest person there. it scared me. i was young, wearing nerdy shirts with internet jokes. no one got me. i had nothing in common with them. well, except that i am an alcoholic with a desire to quit drinking. you know? the BIG THING? the dirty, horrible monster that's been ruining my life? yeah, nothing in common my big butt.

as to feeling like you don't deserve our attention, well there's nothing we can do for you except to tell you that our concern is heartfelt because we are just like you. to not care about you is to not care about ourselves. giving advice and support to other addicts and alcoholics is part of service and being of service gives me a sense that i'm doing something good in the world. it makes me feel good. you're helping me feel better about myself so in a way, you're helping me.

try not to let our age difference be a factor around here. we probably have a lot more in common than you think. you just have to let down that well crafted wall that you've built up through the years. inside, we suffer like you. we're afraid like you. we're quite similar and since so many of us are capable of recovery, that means you are as well.

Hi Alaska...you might want to check out the Chat Room. We have lots of members in their twenties. You may want to check it out. We'd love to have you join us. :)



Best Wishes To You!

I feel like I've been a burden on people for most of my life. The idea that I could be helping someone kind of motivates me to improve my life. Thanks for typing that.

I'm not your age and maybe I don't qualify. But let me say this. I've been right where you are and, although you may not agree, I know what you're going through. I still have nightmares about it after many years. You're deeply depressed and something inside you is trying to tell you that you don't deserve to get sober. Make no mistake about it. That something, deep inside your brain, wants you to keep drinking because, due to your addiction, your body needs alcohol just like a man in the desert needs water.
You have two choices. The first is to keep feeling so ashamed of yourself, so "guilty", so filled with self hatred, that you give in to that voice and continue to drink. The other choice is a very, very hard one to make and you're going to need some help, both from a professional, if you can manage that, and from others who have managed to get some recovery time. You won't like to do this at first, because your inner voices will be thinking up all kinds of reasons why you shouldn't do it. Like "I don't fit in with this crowd!' "They seem like a lot of self righteous completely boring people!" etc. etc. It's going to require a lot of sheer guts on your part.
If you give up then you can continue sliding down the slope. It gets steeper and it gets harder to get out as you go. But there is always a way out, that is if you want it very much or if you need it to get back your self respect, your happiness. It's there if you want it.

W.

(I'm one of the 40-somethings)

I was extremely introverted (still am a bit) and took me a good while to get use to this forum and help from others. Sure has changed my life like no other site has. You can make progress, generally slow and steady, but you will see improvement if you work on those areas of your life.
I can tell you that hanging-out and drinking with my 'old friends' and then alone for a full decade got me (beneath) nowhere.
Sure hope you stick around, keep reading and posting, and quit the drink.

Jack...welcome back...:wavey:

Alcoholism crosses all lines....it plays no favorites.

What is in your best interest? Trying to live a long healthy life
IMO

BTW..how did your idea of tapering work out? Have you had another
episode of loseing control of your body? That must have been
awfully frightening for sure...:hug:

My tapering went as well as I thought it would go. I drank enough alcohol to keep most of the withdrawal symptoms away, but still went through some issues when trying to go asleep. I spent most of the first night hallucinating about snakes in my bed. I finally regained my saneness at around 4 am, shivering under my couch. I detoxed for the next week. I'm still feeling a bit of brain fog, but recovering.

I don't even have a phobia of snakes, and I spent most of that night hallucinating about rattlesnakes. God, I hate this fu***** substance.

I don't think it matters if you're 20 or 80, if you have a problem with alcohol you'll be able to relate to others who share the same affliction. There are a lot of younger people here and I applaud you all for having the guts to come here and get help before it takes over your entire life.

I think it's a lot like groups in "real life" here. There will be people you'll just gravitate towards and they to you, or you'll have more in common with some than with others. Sharing your experiences is bound to help someone, maybe even someone who's reading but not participating just yet.

This really can be your last de tox period Jack...and I sure
hope it will be...:yup:

There is so much more for you to enjoy with a clear head
For instance....my favorite hobby was learning to fly private planes.

Please think of something that will allow you joy and a sense
of purpose.
How about going back to school or learning how
to play a musical instrument??

Many communities welcome volunteers ..your local animal shelter?

Getting out of myself really improved my life ..:a122:

You have your entire adult life ahead of you....so much to do
and explore and enjoy!

I'm 25 and there are other young people on here too like others have already said. There's a under 30 group too. Keep posting there's lots of good support here on SR

Hi! It was a bit of an adjustment to me too when I first started posting. I think you will like it soon. Posting really does help. It's good to talk to people who understand. People who need people...are the luckiest people in the world. :grouphug:

I had a very wise woman tell me not to screw up her sobriety by not reaching out. I have since learned that's how this whole thing works. People do genuinally care. Hard concept for me to get.
Keep posting