EmptyGlass

Hi Everyone,

I just got out of a 3-month rehab and had been feeling pretty good. I thought I felt spiritually connected, but when I analyze this too much... I don't know. I have been in a relationship with a fellow alcoholic for several years, and it was suggested that I not communicate with them while in rehab. I didn't. I broke it off in person yesterday... because although they have gotten sober as well, it's too dangerous to go back there, no matter how much I want to. I know that I can't distract myself from myself. Anyway it went okay, and I felt okay about it even though it was difficult. I reached out for support in case I started feeling messed up. I talked about it with my addictions counsellor and my sponsor and I went to a meeting. On my way home, I suddenly just wanted to get ****** up. There were no emotions between feeling okay and feeling like getting wrecked. I haven't had a craving like this in weeks. I asked myself "do I want God to take this away from me?" and I my answer was no. I just wanted to run back to this relationship to recapture the disgusting existence of drinking into oblivion and living in misery. What a thing to want to run back to. I hate this feeling, and it bothers/concerns me, but why can't I bring myself to take the steps to get out of it? I also don't understand why I don't feel anything except this craving. Maybe if I could feel loneliness of sadness or whatever, I could deal with it. If someone were to ask me what's wrong, I wouldn't even be able to tell them. I feel like I have zero self-awareness.

Anyway I just needed to get this out of me. Thanks everyone

Live2Run25

"I also don't understand why I don't feel anything except this craving. Maybe if I could feel loneliness of sadness or whatever, I could deal with it"

Maybe you are sad, or lonely and it manifests itself in wanting a drink. Don't let it. You are 3 months sober. Why throw that away? Being sober to me stands for Son Of A B**** Everthing's Real... We need to start being able to deal with real life without alcohol. This is tough, but you can get through it!

Anna

EmptyGlass, I think part of it can be that change is hard. I often found it more comfortable to continue in an unhealthy situation, rather than to take action and change. It was fear of the unknown.

Good for you for making the decision to take care of yourself.

2granddaughters

I found that Alcoholics Anonymous helped me to get/stay sober and begin to deal with my feelings/emotions.

Didn't your rehab recommend AA meetings when you were released?

All the best.

Bob R (born in Montreal)

EmptyGlass

Thanks everyone. I think for sure that a part of this is fear of the unknown. And yes, I did at least a meeting every day in rehab and am currently doing an additional 90 and 90 (at least). I'm going through all the 'right' motions.

sugarbear1

double your efforts. reach out and call people. meet up with sober people. surround yourself with those who also want to stay stopped.

do whatever you need to do so you don't pick up a drink or drug.

You can stay stopped!