Bratforlife

I was sober in AA for 13 years and then started drinking. After 8 years, I finally went back to AA (2 years ago) and it has been Hell for me to stay sober. I just can't seem to stop drinking.

MrsKing

If you can be sober for 13 years, Bratforlife, you can be sober again. Are you still going to AA now? If not, because it worked for you in the past, perhaps you should go again?

tomsteve

what did you do for 13 years that kept ya sober? i suggest ya go back to doin that.
what is keepin ya drunk now? i suggest ya stop doin that.

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.


Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.


(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.

Dee74

Welcome bratforlife

SR really helped tip the balance for me and helped me get sober and stay that way - I know you'll find a lot of support here to help you do the same

D

Bratforlife

Yes, I am still going but I feel like such a cheat. I haven't told anyone that I'm still drinking, but I know I need to get honest with myself, and them. I'm thinking that I need to reach out and get a sponsor.

Bratforlife

During those 13 years for the most part I was married to another recovering alcoholic and I think that helped a lot. Then life changed with a divorce and of course since I had been sober for so many years, thought I was "recovered" and could handle life on my own terms. Of course, we all know that has never worked for anyone. I need to get back into AA with a full force and vigor - I know that. However, it's just so damn hard because I'm lonely and bored at the end of the day, and it has become much easier to just "check out" with alcohol. Of course, the next day, which is today, I'm hating myself again. I will try and make a stand today and stay in the moment with your reminder from the Big Book. I just got out my copy and will start rereading it. Thanks so much for your heartfelt comment.

Bratforlife

Thank you Dee and I can already see that there are many on this site who really do care. I am very grateful to have stumbled across SR in the middle of the night when I can't sleep because of the alcohol.

FredG

You're correct, and in my opinion, have answered your own questions. AA kept you sober. Go back and get honest. Get a sponsor. Do the steps. You know the drill.

While you're doing all that, keep in touch with us here. We'll help.

lifewithoutbooz

Welcome Bratforlife! You quit before for 13 years - you can do it again. I find SOOOOOO much support at SR and I'm sure between here and AA you'll be successful!

Bratforlife

Thanks so much Fred for your kind words. Yes, I do know what to do, and I find from the support and strength here, I see a glimmer of hope for today. I know that I'm not alone in this struggle. I will give it my best today and yes indeed, I will stay in touch!

Bratforlife

Thanks you lifewithoutbooze - it really helps a lot to have people I don't even know caring about me. I can see that this site is going to be something very important in my life.

neferkamichael

No you are not alone in this struggle. 13 years is a long time to be sober, and I'm confident you can do it again.

Bratforlife

Yes 13 years was a very long time to be sober and I can tell everyone that once you decide to go back out there, it's Hell trying to stop again. I have all of the AA stuff going round and round in my head but at the end of the day, alcohol seems to rule. Today has to be different!

RobbyRobot

Hi and welcome, Bratforlife.

Divorce can easily be a hurtful, life-changing experience. I've gone through a divorce, so I know first-hand. I too was married to a recovered alcoholic. We survived our divorce, and we have both since remarried. Me to another recovered alcoholic, my ex to a non-drinker.

I gather from your post, and I understand, you're not one to feel alcoholics can live a 'recovered' life, and handle life on those terms. I was married 22 years, and we were both sober throughout our marriage, and we remain sober since our divorce. We both signed on for being 'recovered' very early in our sobriety journey, before we were married. In my re-marriage, my wife is also living her journey as a recovered alcoholic.

I'm just saying it can be done, living a recovered life, on those terms. I would like to suggest, imo, it was more likely being overwhelmed with hurt and anger which moved you into drinking again, and not so much whether any alcoholic who attempts to live a recovered life must fail.

Of course, labels are unimportant, and many believe its only semantics between the differences of being recovered from alcoholism, and recovering from alcoholism. To me, the difference is night and day, yet I earnestly respect those who choose to see otherwise. At the end of the day, to our own selves we must be true, of course, or nothing works anyways.

I hope you can again return to a life of sans-alcohol, no matter if you are always recovering or eventually become recovered, either way is always better than drinking, as we all realise.

bbthumper

Have or did you work the 12 steps when you were in AA? If you did, did you then go on to help others do the same? Did you continue the work?

Just wondering. As was posted above and is written in How It Works "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." Not saying that AA is for everyone, but in my experience I have never seen anyone go get drunk while working a thorough program.

I hope the best for you and I thank you for posting here.

jobei

Thank you so much for posting this today! You are an inspiration! I often find myself getting caught up thinking about "sober time". I have to remember that today is the ONLY day that matters. You can do it! God bless!

Bratforlife

Yes, I did work the 12 Steps, more than once. I was very heavily involved with AA for most of those 13 years. Then . . . one day I just decided I wanted to be "normal" (Ha!) and started doing other things with my life, such as traveling. I really thought that I wasn't an alcoholic because when I came into the program, it was to get my husband off my back that blamed all of our fights on my drinking. Of course, I knew it was his fault that I drank. I carried this thought with me the entire time and after seeing a couple of my friends go back out (because they said they weren't alcoholics), and they were able to just have a couple of drinks - well that really worked on me for a couple of years. Finally, I just had to try it for myself. Obviously, if I would have been working a "thorough" program as has been mentioned here, I would not have even given the thought that much room in my head. I would have filled my head with more AA! Now, unfortunately, I am in the grips of the bottle and it has become the same old way . . . compulsion that doesn't want to stop.

Bratforlife

Thank you jobei - and thanks to everyone else here that has supported me today so far. I came home for a few minutes just to check in and see what other words of support I might have received. Now with the couple of posts that I have received since this morning, I feel revived and can go out and face the rest of the day. My problem really isn't getting through the day - it's when evening starts to roll around and I am bored and lonely and don't want to deal with the evening. I know, I know . . . go to a meeting, which is what I'm going to do tonight. I will check back in later on this evening to let everyone know how I'm doing. Thanks again for all the support!!!!!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Bratforlife

Evenings were my worst time too. I live alone and I often thought I drank just because I could. It's hard to stop doing something when there's no one there to tell you not to. Distraction helped me a lot, like cooking. I spent the first few weeks just chopping veg! Plus SR was invaluable. I'm sure you'll find lots of support here x

Rugby8

I tried AA but it just doesn't work for me... I don't believe in God and I certainly am not religious. The whole higher power thing for me just doesn't work. I got my chips, worked some steps and I stayed sober but I was just faking my belief in the program. After a while I just dropped out because it felt like a religious cult. It did help me stay sober but it also made me feel weird...

I wish there was a different answer than AA because I want to quit drinking but I am not and will never be religious.