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I just can't seem to quit drinking

Old 07-17-2012, 04:18 PM
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Welcome Bratforlife :ghug3
Rugby8, I'm not what you would call religious. I'm not anti-religious, but...
Do I have a higher power? Yes. I have no idea what it is. It's not a hamster, as far as I know, but whoever, or whatever it is, it helps keep me sober, so I don't care. Of course, if it turns out to be Cthulhu... [apologies to anybody who thinks I'm being flippant. I'm not.]
SR helps a lot. Getting to meetings helps a lot. I need to find a sponsor and start working the steps too.
And Bratforlife, 13 years is really good.
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Old 07-17-2012, 06:22 PM
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Thank you hypocondriac! Glad to hear that someone else had a hard time with the evenings. It's now 7:20 pm here and guess what - I stopped by the store and bought some of my favorite chicken salad instead of going to the liquor store (liquor is controlled in UT if it's above 3.2%). I feel really good about myself right now, because my start drinking time was 6:00 pm. I know that at least today, I'm going to be sober. I am so thankful for the support given here - it was all I could think about today - and it really, really helped me stay sober.
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Old 07-17-2012, 06:29 PM
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Thank you Rugby8 for your comments about AA. Believe me, I have heard the same comment many, many times. I have a friend in an AA meeting that I used to go to faithfully at noon, and he's agnostic. I have known him since I first went into AA over 20 years ago. I heard him share a couple of times at the noon meeting recently and I wouldn't have known the words coming out of him were his, except they were. He's still agnostic, but says that he has found "something bigger than him". He will never acknowledge "God", but he has stayed sober for something like 35 years. I do agree with you that AA is a lot about the "God Thing", which I don't particularly this is good. I try to stick to the "something bigger than me" concept, but it God or whatever. Good luck to you in finding your path. I know at least for myself that if I don't stop NOW, I'm going to end up insane or dead. Not something I had planned for myself getting out of high school with my whole life ahead of me.
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Old 07-17-2012, 06:33 PM
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Hello Malkavian Emily and thanks for your kind words to Rugby8, and myself. When I finally tried to stop drinking again a couple of years ago and started going back to the meetings where I knew people, most all said that I hadn't lost those 13 years. I hadn't thought about it that way until their statements. I've really, really been struggling for 2 years now to stop and I know without the constant thoughts of how happy I was being sober, I would have given up AGAIN. And now along came this site in the middle of the night last night when I was at the computer hating myself for drinking again. What a support it has been for me today!
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Old 07-17-2012, 07:10 PM
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Welcome Bratforlife!

I went back to drinking after many years sober, too (it was also post-divorce). Even though I "knew better," drinking slowly took over my life once more. You'd think with all the tools and knowledge I had from the past, quitting would be easier, but it wasn't. Finding this forum helped me break the cycle once and for all.

I think once you get a few days under your belt, you're going to get that momentum again. We're here for ya!
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Old 07-17-2012, 07:18 PM
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Welcome, Bratforlife! Humility is a virtue that has helped keep me sober these past four and a half months. Humbling myself to the fact that i have no control once i start drinking. I can't bend it to my will and make it do what i want. I only have control over taking that first drink. In a life where so many things are not under my control, it's nice to know that i have that. Maybe that can help you. Welcome to SR. It's a great place.
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Old 07-17-2012, 07:18 PM
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Thank you for your post and the reminder it does not get any better out there. And how much our addiction is doing those "push ups" while we are working a good program.

You can do it, one step and one day at a time. You know the drill just have to be willing to surrender.

Good love, Inda
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Old 07-17-2012, 07:27 PM
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WOW is all I can say artsoul! It is SO good to hear your words because it's "my" story. I cannot say enough times to the newcomer that the first time is their best shot. Obviously, you and I have learned that the hard way. I'm sober today because of the support I have found here. I know AA works and I love the meetings, but finding this site has been a God send for me.
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Old 07-17-2012, 07:29 PM
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Thanks displacedGRITS! Yes, after all, control is what it's all about and if you're anything like me, and most alcoholics, we love to be in control. So yes indeed, it does feel very good to have taken control of my life today with the grace of God and the wonderful people here.
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Old 07-17-2012, 07:32 PM
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Yes indeed Inda, willing to surrender is what it's all about. I have tried everyway possible (as most of us have) to be a "normal" drinker and not even once did it work. I am an alcoholic, will always be an alcoholic, and I'm very grateful that you and the others are here to support me. I am NOT going to give up again. It's do or die, and I have way to much living left to do to give in now!!!
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Old 07-18-2012, 12:51 AM
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just a thought. there may be more things going on than your addiction. for example, problems with depression, anxiety etc. that are chemical in nature; if so, treating these makes sobriety much more secure. Or, there may be other life issues you're facing that you need help with through other modalities besides AA. i'm a great supporter of AA, but i've met people who think you all you need is AA and you'll get the relief you seek. this can be tough for people who don't get the relief and continue to struggle; they tend to think something's wrong with them rather than that they need to broaden their sources of support. everyone's different! some do fine on a recovery program alone. others need to add other support systems to their program (e.g., meds, therapy, nutritional support, meditation, yoga,etc.). i'm the latter. just ask yourself if aa is enough for you to find peace and progress in your life. if not, keep exploring. this is your life. be bold! try not to listen to the voices that restrict what you do for yourself. the fact that you're still around and still alive is an accomplishment. anyone here would say the same.

blessings on your path

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Old 07-18-2012, 02:25 AM
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Look SR has been a personal lif saver for me. Join one of the Sober class of ____ threads and you will find a community of like minded people who are willing to be a support to you and you can be a support to them. Along with your resolve Your community keeps you accountable.
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Old 07-18-2012, 07:33 AM
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Zorah, yes indeed I am one that knows there has to be more to my life than just AA. That's what went wrong before, I believe, is that I so totally relied on AA to keep me sober and when I started to not go to as many meeting, etc., I found I really didn't have much of a life. Unfortunately, when I went out to find another life, I thought I could do in along side of being a "normal" drinker. Didn't work, of course. Now, as you say, I need to find out what is really at the bottom of all this. I know I have been very depressed because of the hole I had dug myself into. After all, being out there for 8 years trying to be "normal" and failed, does tend to slap one in the face. I love to hike and am getting back into that. I used to be a very advid bicyclist (for 17 years) and once my body is up to it, the bikes are waiting for me :-) Thanks for your words - I really needed to hear them today!
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Old 07-18-2012, 07:35 AM
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Soberjandoe - thanks! In fact, I was thinking the very same thing last night - will do some checking now. I am just so grateful for the support I have received in just one day!
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