Not doing well
 

Last night we went to my parent's house. I slept in my brother's room. Despite my mother's best efforts, it still smelled like him. I slept in the bed where he died. There were pictures of him everywhere, and I found an empty listerine bottle in his closet. My mother didn't know it had come to him drinking mouthwash.

It pretty much sucked.

So on the way back home, I ordered a glass of wine at dinner. My husband asked if it was a good idea, and the look I gave him didn't beg an answer. I drank three more when I got home.

I have some grieve issues to deal with. And obviously, my horrible attempts at dealing with it. The fact of the matter is, my twin died. We have the same disease, and he just assisted in making sure it ravaged his body very quickly. I have the power to stop it if I choose to.

I anticipate an awful day of anxiety and panic attacks when the pinot leaves my system tomorrow.

Oh wait, it is tomorrow. 1:08 eastern standard time.

Damnitall.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your twin brother. Grief was and is a big trigger for me.
Your back here posting so that is a good sign. There are many people who care here on SR.
It has been a life line. Get some rest and take care of yourself. Its a new day when you wake up.
Lotsa love
K

Losing a sibling especially a twin is hard - but you have a chance to go on and complete your journey, C4G.

If what you're doing so far hasn't been working, maybe it's time to add more stuff?

D

Change4good, regretably I know how you feel. Lost my younger brother October 14th 2011. Died of lung cancer, he was a heavy smoker all his life. Prayin for ya. :egypt:

Thanks Dee. I understand you lost a twin as well. It is a hard loss.

And I also understand that I need to add more *stuff*.

I'm thinking of you at this difficult time.
You have the opportunity to change your future and live the life you deserve.
We're all here for you xxx

Don't let it take you too...

Praying for you C4G. May God comfort you in your grief.

C4G - As karilynn said, it's a new day when you get up in the morning. Be kind to yourself, and don't let this foul disease take you as well.

:ghug3

Thanks everyone. I really feel so thankful for SR and all of you.

It is 8 am, and I have a heavy head and feel like death sucking on a lifesaver. I had another after I posted at 1 am. What the hell?

So, as I say to everyone else, I need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start anew. I am shaky this morning. I don't normally get shaky, so this is not good. Not good at all.

I haven't had a chance to check in on others, but will do so after I take to little people to pirate parties today (birthday themed). I am sober but not comfortable. My husband it going to drive us. Hummilating when I can't do normal tasks with this anxiety.

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine the pain you're feeling. I sure hope the rest of your day goes ok hun.

Thanks everyone. I am doing well now. Haven't drank this week, working out, and seeking out grieve counseling.

Really appreciate you guys. Truly.

glad to hear you're doing better C4G.

D

glad to hear that C4G. we're here. thinking about you.

Glad too hear that too C4G!
And Im sure training will help you both mentaly and physicaly. I personnaly can't wait to go running again.
Take good care of yourself.

Glad to hear this week has been better for you.

Sorry to hear about your loss, am happy you are starting to do better.

Please seek counseling to deal with this properly

how tragic your twin is no longer on this planet.
Prayers of comfort for you and your family ..:hug:

Glad to hear things are looking better, C4G. Don't forget, we're here when you need us.

Hey Change, why do you have to punish yourself? You don't deserve a day of anxiety. I am sure that the Lord wants you to be happy after all this suffering for your twin!

Anticipate a new day, a better day, and you will have a better day. You might have made a mistake but remember:

I am at the top because I know that success, a win, doesn't make me, and failure, a loss, doesn't break me - Zig Ziglar

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.

- Confucius

Rise again Change, higher than before!

:You_Rock_