feeling pretty sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 120
feeling pretty sad
hi all,
hope everyone is well today.
i've been sort of struggling with SR lately..it's quite possibly just me getting too invested in others paths to recovery. i so want to help, but the bottom line is that i guess i can only really offer my experience and hope.
and that won't always be enough....
my own recovery is moving along...almost at 60 days now, and i'm working the steps and really getting involved in my program.
sometimes it just hurts to see people suffering and to want so badly to show them hope and not feel like i'm able to.
guess i need to focus on myself, and just support as i can.
anyone else ever feel this way?
have a great day, everyone.
hil
hope everyone is well today.
i've been sort of struggling with SR lately..it's quite possibly just me getting too invested in others paths to recovery. i so want to help, but the bottom line is that i guess i can only really offer my experience and hope.
and that won't always be enough....
my own recovery is moving along...almost at 60 days now, and i'm working the steps and really getting involved in my program.
sometimes it just hurts to see people suffering and to want so badly to show them hope and not feel like i'm able to.
guess i need to focus on myself, and just support as i can.
anyone else ever feel this way?
have a great day, everyone.
hil
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Changer, I understand. We can be here to offer support, and we do. But just like we can't get anyone drunk, we can't get them sober either. We can support them on their journey and be here if they need us, but just like us, they have to make their own choices.
You never know when something you post here might help keep someone sober today, so just keep posting. We do what we can.
You never know when something you post here might help keep someone sober today, so just keep posting. We do what we can.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I understand as well.
What I try to remember is that we are all on this journey together and we can support each other. But, we are not all at the same place on the path, nor are we all moving at the same speed. We are all where we should be at this moment.
What I try to remember is that we are all on this journey together and we can support each other. But, we are not all at the same place on the path, nor are we all moving at the same speed. We are all where we should be at this moment.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Yes, I've had times when I've got very concerned about people, and it worries me when folks disappear from the boards when I know they're in trouble.
I guess it's like desertsong said, we don't know how many people we help by being honest about ourselves and open with our struggles. But we are not responsible for anyone else's actions.
Keep focusing on your own sobriety. You are doing so well, and are already an inspiration to those in those very early bleak days x
I guess it's like desertsong said, we don't know how many people we help by being honest about ourselves and open with our struggles. But we are not responsible for anyone else's actions.
Keep focusing on your own sobriety. You are doing so well, and are already an inspiration to those in those very early bleak days x
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Changer.... I feel very much the same.
Certainly I have asked for help a lot... Even today for that matter... But do not underestimate the effects of the support you provide. What does not feel like much on the part of those who posted for me today.... The effects were tremendous for me.
Keep posting your experience.... I think it helps people a lot!
Certainly I have asked for help a lot... Even today for that matter... But do not underestimate the effects of the support you provide. What does not feel like much on the part of those who posted for me today.... The effects were tremendous for me.
Keep posting your experience.... I think it helps people a lot!
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
it hurts at times but yeah, we can't get too involved with individuals. in the end, we must put our sobriety above all. i am sad for the people who i don't see posting. i can think of a couple of newbies right now that i would really like to hear from but there's nothing i can do but be there when they come back. we've all gotta learn to walk on our own. SR is just support. we can't be someone else's feet. it's hard enough for me being my own.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Changer,
I almost left SR for some of the same reasons and also because I forgot back then that they are not me. For me it was a crisis at 6 months because I was tired of the posts saying to be gentle on ourselves if, and some even saying when, we relapse, as if that was inevitable. I finally realized that many folks rationalize that they have been strong so far and that they could now drink as a normie, only to find in misery that is not true. Just because others want to drink again and relapse and go to great lengths to blame it on other factors out of their control, then go to great lengths to point out how they were helpless, doesn't mean I will or even will be tempted. Hey, I agreed that I needed to admit I was powerless over alcohol as long as I was drinking. But regardless of how many other people fall victim to their own rationalizations that come from feeling deprived, I am in complete control when I am sober. I am only helpless drinking and addicted physically. I learned that by staying here and reading, and avoided learning that the hard way.
Now that you think this was not about your post here is the reason for that part. I had to realize that I was not "them," and they were not "me."
No relapse, which all drinking once detoxed is to me, of any other can affect me to follow or believe I am not able to resist whatever construct others have made to make their problem with alcohol not one of their own.
You can't do more than you are doing now, posting, supporting, and cheering others on to get what you now have. More importantly, your longer term example makes hope hopeable, which is not a word but is a feeling we all get at one point, or we would never have gotten here.
You cannot make another sober, and you cannot be responsible for them. All you can do is be there, sober, and be another point of light in and around SR, that can make hope hopeable. Once they have hope, and you help them get it as much as any of us, they may just find themselves on a slippery slope leading them to their own way to get away from drinking and back into living free.
If each of us despaired because we wanted to make it easier, then when we were gone, from here or from life itself what would happen to them then? There have been books written about it, and great debates rage even here, while the whole time those of us that just want to get and stay sober are doing it all the time with a little bit of hope that we can pass along by our presence.
You are needed here to make hope, hopeable. And today you made my life just a little bit better for your posting here.
Congratulations on your accomplishment.
I almost left SR for some of the same reasons and also because I forgot back then that they are not me. For me it was a crisis at 6 months because I was tired of the posts saying to be gentle on ourselves if, and some even saying when, we relapse, as if that was inevitable. I finally realized that many folks rationalize that they have been strong so far and that they could now drink as a normie, only to find in misery that is not true. Just because others want to drink again and relapse and go to great lengths to blame it on other factors out of their control, then go to great lengths to point out how they were helpless, doesn't mean I will or even will be tempted. Hey, I agreed that I needed to admit I was powerless over alcohol as long as I was drinking. But regardless of how many other people fall victim to their own rationalizations that come from feeling deprived, I am in complete control when I am sober. I am only helpless drinking and addicted physically. I learned that by staying here and reading, and avoided learning that the hard way.
Now that you think this was not about your post here is the reason for that part. I had to realize that I was not "them," and they were not "me."
No relapse, which all drinking once detoxed is to me, of any other can affect me to follow or believe I am not able to resist whatever construct others have made to make their problem with alcohol not one of their own.
You can't do more than you are doing now, posting, supporting, and cheering others on to get what you now have. More importantly, your longer term example makes hope hopeable, which is not a word but is a feeling we all get at one point, or we would never have gotten here.
You cannot make another sober, and you cannot be responsible for them. All you can do is be there, sober, and be another point of light in and around SR, that can make hope hopeable. Once they have hope, and you help them get it as much as any of us, they may just find themselves on a slippery slope leading them to their own way to get away from drinking and back into living free.
If each of us despaired because we wanted to make it easier, then when we were gone, from here or from life itself what would happen to them then? There have been books written about it, and great debates rage even here, while the whole time those of us that just want to get and stay sober are doing it all the time with a little bit of hope that we can pass along by our presence.
You are needed here to make hope, hopeable. And today you made my life just a little bit better for your posting here.
Congratulations on your accomplishment.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 38
If it cheers you up any perhaps you should know I'm here because of the posting and support. Not of any one individual, but the group as a whole. I found this place while looking up alcohol withdrawal symptoms. It was one thing to read all of the clinical facts and articles, and an entirely different thing to read stories and see people relate to one another. I don't work a traditional 9-5 job, and my hours swing widely, so regularly scheduled meetings aren't a complete answer for me. SR is a place I can come when I have time. And no matter where I am it's the same place. So there's comfort in that stability.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Hi changer, 'grats on two months!
I think desertsong said it most succinctly. In the end, all of us are responsible only for our own progress or lack thereof. Share and support when you can, it's absolutely meaningful, not in the least to yourself. Sometimes it's OK to be selfish.
PS, welcome to HarleyDaddy!
I think desertsong said it most succinctly. In the end, all of us are responsible only for our own progress or lack thereof. Share and support when you can, it's absolutely meaningful, not in the least to yourself. Sometimes it's OK to be selfish.
PS, welcome to HarleyDaddy!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
bottom line is that i guess i can only really offer my experience and hope. and that won't always be enough....
That's not my job and it wouldn't do them or me any good if I could. Recovery is the journey itself...
we have to be there and not be there...we cab share our support but we also have to step back and let people find their own way of walking
Sharing your experience is a massive gift...and it's exactly what you're meant to be doing IMO
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 120
good morning, everyone...
just wanted to say thank you for all the responses- they truly helped to take a deep breath and remember that i am doing the best i can on my own journey.
it's funny how things come together sometimes...i've been asked to come to an institution commitment with my homegroup at what i hear is a pretty tough center. so looks like i will just keep on sharing and walking my path
i love this site...this community is very much like a family to me.
thanks all!
hil
just wanted to say thank you for all the responses- they truly helped to take a deep breath and remember that i am doing the best i can on my own journey.
it's funny how things come together sometimes...i've been asked to come to an institution commitment with my homegroup at what i hear is a pretty tough center. so looks like i will just keep on sharing and walking my path
i love this site...this community is very much like a family to me.
thanks all!
hil
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