zorah

It's hard for me to talk about this because I feel like a freak. I'm really touch averse. That is, I can barely stand skin-on-skin contact, even hugs. I could tolerate it and act like I enjoyed it while drunk, but when sober I find myself having to endure any kind of physical contact and inside, i'm just dying. Friends have asked if I was molested etc. as a child and I was not. My Dad who was alcoholic also had this problem. My mother is British, a caring but also distant woman. Maybe it's that I was hardly ever touched or hugged...ever. I remember watching a documentary about orphanages in Romania where babies and young children lacked physical touch and died; they called it "failure to thrive." I'm not comparing myself to these poor babes, but this thing in me is so searingly painful. I'm only bringing it up because since attending AA meetings, I've come to see that this pain is one of the things that leads me to drink. When I think of it, touch is so much a part of life, the first sense babies are in tune with after birth. I somehow lost that to the point where I can feel no comfort or pleasure from touch.

Thanks for listening.


Zorah

regeneration

I only feel comfortable when boyfriends hug or touch me. I can hug friends goodbye and be okay. But if someone touches me (even a friend) and I don't see it coming I jump... I feel really uneasy. I don't know why! My mother never really hugged me but she did used to hold my hand. I can't remember my dad hugging me.

Even people I like, I want to say "Please don't do that, you didn't warn me". One of my friends is really in to touching, and she's an old friend that I don't see much. I try to train myself to deal with it. That sounds nuts doesn't it?

[edit] sorry, I'm probably not helping. It puzzles me that I'm like this. If a guy at work touches me on the shoulder I flinch.. and that's not because it's inappropriate.. it's even people I like and have a laugh with. They must think they are freaking me out.

Anna

Hi Zorah,

You should not feel like a freak and I'm glad you posted about this. It's very understandable that this pain leads you to drink. I find it interesting that many of us self-medicate other problems with alcohol, only to find ourselves in a mess. I know because that's what I did. My suggestion would be to talk to a therapist to try to find the root of the problem and to learn ways to deal with it.

sugarbear1

Hugs are tolerable. I can get used to them, a little, but I still don't go around hugging everyone. It's just the way it is and it's okay today.

CaiHong

Hi Zorah,

I don't think you are a freak. I am an older Australian and it was not our custom to hug on meeting people. To be honest I really dislike the custom of hugging, cheek kissing, shaking hands, I think is that really necessary and certainly not hygienic.
I live in a country where it is not the custom to hug and on occasion when someone from the host country tries to give me a hug, seeing that as a cultural greeting from my country I protest jokingly saying I am not an American, I am an Australian.
I also dislike being put in the position that I am at fault or there Is something "wrong" with me if I don't hug.
Now that being said I am not adverse to giving someone a hug if I am moved emotionally to do so.
Whether it is a problem or not I have never really thought so. I have just thought of it as part of my upbringing, family never hugged and the only physical contact with my father was a belting.
You know I have never given it much thought this is the longest time I have given to this "problem".
If you do see a therapist about tell us what they said, I would be interested to know.

Cyber hugs
CaiHong

Threshold

A question. Is your touch aversion only regarding people, or are you sensitive to temperature changes, certain fabrics and textures as well?

I ask because some people have a very acute sensitivity, to the point of pain, regarding touch. My eldest son does, and my boyfriend to an extent. It is something they were born with. There are links between acute sensitivity and alcoholism.

both my son and my boyfriend prefer to wear long sleeves and pants year round, because the upset of changing wardrobes according to temperature is uncomfortable for them.

That is just one example.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, Zorah.

It's great to see you back here, getting yourself back on track. I really appreciate your posts.

I'm not always comfortable with hugs and embraces, but what you describe sounds a bit beyond that, more like true touch aversion. That is sometimes linked to a clinical condition. Asperger's, for example, which sometimes runs in families. And Threshold—aversions to textures and narrow preferences in clothing are also often found in people diagnosed with Asperger's.

Disclaimer: I am not the least bit competent to diagnose you or anyone else. I simply am suggesting that you might want to seek a professional opinion, because what you describe is not unique to you, and not necessarily the result of anything in your upbringing.