New, wondering when depression/anxiety will lift
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 28
New, wondering when depression/anxiety will lift
Hi, I'm new to this site. I am finally admitting to myself that I have a problem. I drank socially during college, but after having two kids and becoming a stay at home mom, I got depressed. I started drinking in the afternoons while the kids were napping and trying to sober up before my husband got home. I have been drinking a bottle of wine or so every day for three years with several times where I stopped for a month or two.
I recently admitted to my husband that I had been secretly drinking and told him I want to quit. I haven't had a drink in 4 days. I'm feeling very depressed, like I don't have any reason to live, combined with a lot of anxiety about the future. I think that not drinking will help with the depression, but I'm wondering how long it will take to go away, because right now getting drunk seems like it would be a nice escape. Can anyone give me an idea of how long it took for their depression to lift?
I recently admitted to my husband that I had been secretly drinking and told him I want to quit. I haven't had a drink in 4 days. I'm feeling very depressed, like I don't have any reason to live, combined with a lot of anxiety about the future. I think that not drinking will help with the depression, but I'm wondering how long it will take to go away, because right now getting drunk seems like it would be a nice escape. Can anyone give me an idea of how long it took for their depression to lift?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
I also suffer from anxiety and am a sahm too.
I quit in Jan for 7 weeks, on day 11 Again now. You're right, the depression is often caused by drink. for me the anxiety is bad in the first few days of stopping. Don't drink though, you will start to feel better. It lifts for me after about a week. the lack of sleep in the early dys doesn't help either. I'm just starting to feel physically and mentally better now, nearly 2 weeks in. hope you feel better soon. If you drink you will feel much much worse in the morning
I quit in Jan for 7 weeks, on day 11 Again now. You're right, the depression is often caused by drink. for me the anxiety is bad in the first few days of stopping. Don't drink though, you will start to feel better. It lifts for me after about a week. the lack of sleep in the early dys doesn't help either. I'm just starting to feel physically and mentally better now, nearly 2 weeks in. hope you feel better soon. If you drink you will feel much much worse in the morning
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
There are more of us than I ever imagined. I drink(drank!) in private for the last few years whereas before drank at college work etc. My drinking habits have changed since I had children-no more binges but everyday wine, every single day. But it mkes us secret drinkers, rather than out there when I worked and went out.
I convinced myself that as I wasn't out making a fool of myself or binging I didn't have a problem but now realize that drinking at least a bottle of wine a day is not good. I want to be a better mum and function fully, not half heartedly.
I convinced myself that as I wasn't out making a fool of myself or binging I didn't have a problem but now realize that drinking at least a bottle of wine a day is not good. I want to be a better mum and function fully, not half heartedly.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Hi - I can relate a lot! I have 3 small kids and often drank during the day. Then sober up. Then start again before my H came home at a 'normal' time. OY.
Anyway IME the depression lifts when you start doing other things! Removing alcohol will just leave an empty, depressing life. But filling it with new, relaxing, exciting fun things. That'll kick the depression in the as$. Don't be afraid to talk to your doc if it doesn't though. I started prozac some months ago for lingering anxiety and it has helped a lot.
Anyway IME the depression lifts when you start doing other things! Removing alcohol will just leave an empty, depressing life. But filling it with new, relaxing, exciting fun things. That'll kick the depression in the as$. Don't be afraid to talk to your doc if it doesn't though. I started prozac some months ago for lingering anxiety and it has helped a lot.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi and welcome cmc133...you'll find a lot of support here 
I think depression is very very common for anyone just quitting...and to be depressed at 4 days is very normal
If you feel it's a problem tho, if you're concerned because you've had depression before, or if you find it going on for months or something, of course the best thing to do is see a Dr.
D
I think depression is very very common for anyone just quitting...and to be depressed at 4 days is very normal
If you feel it's a problem tho, if you're concerned because you've had depression before, or if you find it going on for months or something, of course the best thing to do is see a Dr.
D
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Like previous posts have said, the depression is normal. It won't last forever. When i was in early recovery and i got down, i took short walks, watched short funny skits (those old Eddie Murphie SNL skits and other classic SNL skits are great!) or found something else like that to do. Anything like that will release a quick burst of endorphins and that's what you're looking for. Remember to let yourself laugh. Yes you're going through some serious sh*t right now but you have to start enjoying sober life at some point. Take five minutes out of your day to really let yourself enjoy something. Make yourself watch something funny even if you think you don't want to right then. It can't hurt and you might find yourself smiling in spite of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Alcohol is a depressant. Not just because it strips away freedom and self-respect, but chemically, it's a depressant. So give yourself time, as everyone says. Time can only help—and drinking will only hurt.
That said, I would echo SSIL's excellent post. I am increasingly coming to the view that abstinence is not the source of my happiness, but the foundation for my happiness. It gives me the freedom to seek out new ways of viewing and enjoying and sharing this world. It unlocks a door, but it's up to me to step through and explore the other side.
But there will be plenty of time for you to do that later—for now, I would simply urge you to have faith that it will indeed get better. It's hard at first, but it seems to me the most worthwhile things in life require some work. A desire for instant gratification is what led me down into the pit. Commitment, effort, and patience are what lifted me back out.
You're doing great—and you are going to be super glad you did this!
That said, I would echo SSIL's excellent post. I am increasingly coming to the view that abstinence is not the source of my happiness, but the foundation for my happiness. It gives me the freedom to seek out new ways of viewing and enjoying and sharing this world. It unlocks a door, but it's up to me to step through and explore the other side.
But there will be plenty of time for you to do that later—for now, I would simply urge you to have faith that it will indeed get better. It's hard at first, but it seems to me the most worthwhile things in life require some work. A desire for instant gratification is what led me down into the pit. Commitment, effort, and patience are what lifted me back out.
You're doing great—and you are going to be super glad you did this!
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
Hi cmc,
It won't happen overnight, but the depression will improve as long as you stay sober. Quitting drinking has nice side-effects like weight-loss, better sleep, and improved relations with people in your life. It's these subtle things that really work towards improving your self-esteem and mental health.
It won't happen overnight, but the depression will improve as long as you stay sober. Quitting drinking has nice side-effects like weight-loss, better sleep, and improved relations with people in your life. It's these subtle things that really work towards improving your self-esteem and mental health.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi and welcome CMC,
So glad you posted. Emotions early in sobriety are very up and down. Being a stay at home mom can be very isolating.
Isolation is one of the triggers for drinking IMHO. You need to address that as well as the stopping drinking
I am over one year sober with the support of AA and SR forum
Icould not just stop and remain stopped I needed a program of support.
All the best
Love
CaiHong
So glad you posted. Emotions early in sobriety are very up and down. Being a stay at home mom can be very isolating.
Isolation is one of the triggers for drinking IMHO. You need to address that as well as the stopping drinking
I am over one year sober with the support of AA and SR forum
Icould not just stop and remain stopped I needed a program of support.
All the best
Love
CaiHong
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
Congratulations on your decision, cmc. I wish I'd had the courage to change when I was younger, but I was so afraid to let go. I don't know why, because it was no longer fun or relaxing to drink - yet still I clung to it.
As the others have said, it will take longer than 4 days for the depression to lift. The feelings of hopelessness and anxiety are all part of quitting - but they don't last. Hold on to the hope of a brighter day, when you're no longer relying on it to calm you. I hope you will seek a dr's opinion of you don't feel better within a reasonable amount of time.
Be proud of yourself for making this important decision. You and your family will be so much better off without it.
As the others have said, it will take longer than 4 days for the depression to lift. The feelings of hopelessness and anxiety are all part of quitting - but they don't last. Hold on to the hope of a brighter day, when you're no longer relying on it to calm you. I hope you will seek a dr's opinion of you don't feel better within a reasonable amount of time.
Be proud of yourself for making this important decision. You and your family will be so much better off without it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 28
In addition to being new to recovery, I'm also new to posting on online forums, so I'm not sure if I should keep talking on this thread or start a new one.
First of all, thank you so much for your responses. Reading through this site has been very encouraging.
Many people suggested finding new things to fill my life. I am all for this idea. I'm trying to remember what I used to like to do before I decided my life would be better if my husband and kids would leave me alone so I could get drunk in peace. I've started reading, going for walks, thinking of joining a gym. I'd like to possibly take a class, maybe yoga or martial arts. There is part of me that is really scared, almost scared to be happy, to be in the moment. I can't quite explain why. Did anyone else feel this way? The alcohol was so comforting, particularly in social situations.
First of all, thank you so much for your responses. Reading through this site has been very encouraging.
Many people suggested finding new things to fill my life. I am all for this idea. I'm trying to remember what I used to like to do before I decided my life would be better if my husband and kids would leave me alone so I could get drunk in peace. I've started reading, going for walks, thinking of joining a gym. I'd like to possibly take a class, maybe yoga or martial arts. There is part of me that is really scared, almost scared to be happy, to be in the moment. I can't quite explain why. Did anyone else feel this way? The alcohol was so comforting, particularly in social situations.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I have five months and I know where you are coming from.
I find the anxiety comes and goes. If I am tired or stressed (i have a two year old who never sleeps) or hormonal then I find myself with a lot of anxious feelings. My panicking is much worse when it's morning. I make sure i don't sit and ponder too much, try to get out of the house. A walk with my pram helps and a breath of fresh air too, plus baby sleeps.
Blood sugar was another. If i got irritable or had cravings a made myself a sweet hot chocolate with plenty of sugar. I found that gave me a bit of an energy boost and also seemed to calm me down.
I also listened to a lot of mums sharing at AA meetings (not sure if you go) and some of their stories struck me with the fear so that I never dared drink during the day.
One woman came round from a blackout to find herself driving a car with the kids in the back.
Another mum ran a scalding hot bath for her kids in a blackout and added no cold. Thank god her husband stopped her in time or the result could have been so tragic.
I am eternally grateful they shared these stories as i really have learnt from them.
I think the I have the same fustrations and upsets as before. However, they do not seem to me as bad or as many. I feel I deal with them better as I have no hangover or feeling exhausted from passing out as opposed to sleeping at night.
I am tired at night - but that is from having a great time with my daughter, not from booze.
I take anti-depressants and feel a lot better. I took them before but drank so i never felt the benefit. I believe that if I am going to invest the time on not drinking and being sober, then I am going to feel the best I can and that might be with anti-depressants. But totally your choice.
I also take a multi-vitamin with iron as I am super busy and don not always eat the best. Poor nutrition can make you depressed or anxious.
The joy of what I am doing is written all over my daughters face!
I wish you all the best I really do.
Maybe an appointment with a doctor might be a good place to start to discuss your anxious feelings and depression?
xxxx
I find the anxiety comes and goes. If I am tired or stressed (i have a two year old who never sleeps) or hormonal then I find myself with a lot of anxious feelings. My panicking is much worse when it's morning. I make sure i don't sit and ponder too much, try to get out of the house. A walk with my pram helps and a breath of fresh air too, plus baby sleeps.
Blood sugar was another. If i got irritable or had cravings a made myself a sweet hot chocolate with plenty of sugar. I found that gave me a bit of an energy boost and also seemed to calm me down.
I also listened to a lot of mums sharing at AA meetings (not sure if you go) and some of their stories struck me with the fear so that I never dared drink during the day.
One woman came round from a blackout to find herself driving a car with the kids in the back.
Another mum ran a scalding hot bath for her kids in a blackout and added no cold. Thank god her husband stopped her in time or the result could have been so tragic.
I am eternally grateful they shared these stories as i really have learnt from them.
I think the I have the same fustrations and upsets as before. However, they do not seem to me as bad or as many. I feel I deal with them better as I have no hangover or feeling exhausted from passing out as opposed to sleeping at night.
I am tired at night - but that is from having a great time with my daughter, not from booze.
I take anti-depressants and feel a lot better. I took them before but drank so i never felt the benefit. I believe that if I am going to invest the time on not drinking and being sober, then I am going to feel the best I can and that might be with anti-depressants. But totally your choice.
I also take a multi-vitamin with iron as I am super busy and don not always eat the best. Poor nutrition can make you depressed or anxious.
The joy of what I am doing is written all over my daughters face!
I wish you all the best I really do.
Maybe an appointment with a doctor might be a good place to start to discuss your anxious feelings and depression?
xxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi CMC,
How are you feeling today? Perhaps you should find an activity that has a social component. I was thinking yesterday how much easier it is to socialize with other alcoholics as they know where you are coming from.
Keep posting let's know what you are up to and how you are doing.
love
CaiHong
How are you feeling today? Perhaps you should find an activity that has a social component. I was thinking yesterday how much easier it is to socialize with other alcoholics as they know where you are coming from.
Keep posting let's know what you are up to and how you are doing.
love
CaiHong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 28
Hi, Thanks for checking in! I'm feeling pretty good today, a lot better actually. I went to a yoga class yesterday and am planning to attend another this evening. I think I should probably attend an AA meeting, I only know one recovering alcoholic and she lives in another state. I talked to her the other night though and that was helpful too.
Thank you again!
Thank you again!
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