SmittyBittyBoo

I'm feeling kind of itchy for a drink but figure I only have a little while longer before bed so I can just go upstairs and read after I put my kids to bed.

I'm frustrated because while I'm not telling myself I can't ever drink again-I can't drink now. (I did this with smoking and it seemed to help). But I keep thinking about how I'll miss that social glass of wine. Even though it was never one. UGH! I used to think I'd miss those butts but it's been two years and I'm so glad I don't have to waste time "going for a smoke".

And I'm frustrated that I am not someone who can have a couple drinks.

And when I think about how I'd like just one-I tell myself "There are people who don't get buzzed every night. There are people who don't use alcohol to go to sleep. There are people who just don't drink, period. And there are a lot of them. I can try to be that person today." But I feel kind of phony. Maybe it will feel better in time.

I'm so irritable about all this and think "Maybe I don't REALLY have a problem" but I wouldn't feel this desperate yearning if I didn't. Regular people don't think about their next drink or when they can have one. Regular people aren't aggravated they aren't having a drink.

I'm anxious and irritable. Getting me through is knowing this feeling won't last. And it will be gone sooner if I don't give in.

And I'm still really scared to be here.

Stevie1

Hey Smitty still hanging in there?

I hate that I can't just have one drink and feel good about it, too.
Yes it's scary and irritating. Give youself a lot of credit for being three days sober!

DisplacedGRITS

You're doing very well. Having that insight is excellent, in fact. I can't believe you're only on Day 3! Don't overwhelm yourself with it right now though.

I had a crappy day too and i'm on Day 126. The alcoholic me didn't get the the immediate gratification she wanted from something today so she wanted alcohol and she couldn't have that so she pitched a right royal fit and it bled over to me. All in all, it gets better but bad days will come and bad days will go. But they will be few and far between.

Hevyn

Those first few days are rough. We're usually full of self-doubt and anxiety, even when we know we're doing the right thing. You should begin to feel better soon Smitty. Proud of you.

SmittyBittyBoo

I made it! I put the kids to bed, stayed on the computer and went to bed! Grits-I have the insight only because I've spent years dealing with depression and anxiety and self-destruction. If nothing else, it's given me a huge toolbox and incredible knowledge of myself. Of course-having that doesn't always mean I make the correct choices, but it's a start.

On to day 4!

Seo

Im so happy for you! Im on day 5 and someone told me that day three is worst one and the one where you are most likely to break! So youve done so well.

Remember its about surrender - and no amount of effort on your part will keep you sober.

MrsKing

Congratulations on your three days and for staying sober despite wanting a drink. Remember that things get easier as you get more time behind you, and that in the future those thoughts will be less frequent and become quieter and quieter. All the best.