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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
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Hi all,
I checked the sobriety calculator and I"m at 598 days sober.
Big breath. I have started smoking again a week ago. Family stress got to me. I took some time and went back and looked at my first posts. I see some people that encouraged me at the first are not posting anymore. I hope it's because they have not felt the need and they are OK. Everyone here was such a blessing for me. I had no where to turn to vent about my slow spiral down. Thanks all. It was SR that helped me finally be able to string together more than a couple of days after years of drinking almost everyday.
My life is much better now. Much better. I'm still alone for the most part but I put my life back together and got my business back off the floor.
I listen to my emotions now and don't try and drown them. What's the old saying" I tried to drown my sorrows but they learned to swim?
I can't say that it's easy. I can't say that I don't want to drink sometimes. But I can say that I've been happy again for the first time in a long time. Not everyday. But everyday that I am is a gift I give myself.
I don't blame myself for my drinking anymore. If you added up the sums of the issues and despairs of my life it's a wonder I did not drink more maybe. I still not too sure what snapped me out.
My father is an AA man. I'm not. He's like 30+ years. I told him a month or two ago I did not drink anymore. He was surprised but supportive. That's another story, the relationship between he and I.
What is it that makes SR such a safe place that I feel I can write these things? I feel you all. If your struggling sober, or struggling trying to quit, you are all my brothers and sisters, all of us born and brought up again with the same parents. Our second parents names are pain and despair.
I want to thank you SR for holding my hand. For listening to me when I wept and broke down. For holding me close when no one else would or could understand.
SR owe you a debt. Event if some day I should fall again these days you've helped me to reclaim are mine forever. Days of clarity and purpose.
I read my old posts and cry a little. Who was that broken man? I don't feel ashamed of that time. There is some nobility in realizing you've come to the end and the choice is change or death. I chose change. To realize and to act. And to have friends like all of you to help keep the despair away. You might always have to keep some of the pain.
I have no idea what these chain of thoughts and words really means. But I found the unburdening myself here was a great help. I also had a good doctor. Quitting drinking was the first step. Then going after the roots causes was what I needed to do.
I don't post much anymore but I read. I do read your posts. Those of you who struggle. I feel you. Those on a first day, a first week, or a first year.
You are not alone.
All the best.
I checked the sobriety calculator and I"m at 598 days sober.
Big breath. I have started smoking again a week ago. Family stress got to me. I took some time and went back and looked at my first posts. I see some people that encouraged me at the first are not posting anymore. I hope it's because they have not felt the need and they are OK. Everyone here was such a blessing for me. I had no where to turn to vent about my slow spiral down. Thanks all. It was SR that helped me finally be able to string together more than a couple of days after years of drinking almost everyday.
My life is much better now. Much better. I'm still alone for the most part but I put my life back together and got my business back off the floor.
I listen to my emotions now and don't try and drown them. What's the old saying" I tried to drown my sorrows but they learned to swim?
I can't say that it's easy. I can't say that I don't want to drink sometimes. But I can say that I've been happy again for the first time in a long time. Not everyday. But everyday that I am is a gift I give myself.
I don't blame myself for my drinking anymore. If you added up the sums of the issues and despairs of my life it's a wonder I did not drink more maybe. I still not too sure what snapped me out.
My father is an AA man. I'm not. He's like 30+ years. I told him a month or two ago I did not drink anymore. He was surprised but supportive. That's another story, the relationship between he and I.
What is it that makes SR such a safe place that I feel I can write these things? I feel you all. If your struggling sober, or struggling trying to quit, you are all my brothers and sisters, all of us born and brought up again with the same parents. Our second parents names are pain and despair.
I want to thank you SR for holding my hand. For listening to me when I wept and broke down. For holding me close when no one else would or could understand.
SR owe you a debt. Event if some day I should fall again these days you've helped me to reclaim are mine forever. Days of clarity and purpose.
I read my old posts and cry a little. Who was that broken man? I don't feel ashamed of that time. There is some nobility in realizing you've come to the end and the choice is change or death. I chose change. To realize and to act. And to have friends like all of you to help keep the despair away. You might always have to keep some of the pain.
I have no idea what these chain of thoughts and words really means. But I found the unburdening myself here was a great help. I also had a good doctor. Quitting drinking was the first step. Then going after the roots causes was what I needed to do.
I don't post much anymore but I read. I do read your posts. Those of you who struggle. I feel you. Those on a first day, a first week, or a first year.
You are not alone.
All the best.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,935
And all the best to you Tendencies. 598 days free from alcohol is fantastic!Thank you for your share as it is so helpful for me to read tonight.
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