Relapse
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by reggiewayne 
Maybe you're not an alcoholic. 3 beers and stopped. If I were to do that it would be complete hell. I was told to see if I was an alcoholic never have more than 3 beers in an evening and never more than one per hour. Try that for a year, and if you stick to it, odds are you're not.
My experience with sobriety is we only sober up when we're desperate. For some that means multiple DUI's, jail, interventions, etc... for others it could be slurring your words slightly when reading your kids a bedtime story.
My experience with sobriety is we only sober up when we're desperate. For some that means multiple DUI's, jail, interventions, etc... for others it could be slurring your words slightly when reading your kids a bedtime story.
The whole idea of using drinking to come to terms with alcoholism is based on the idea of failure with drinking, of discovering that control is an illusion, and that alcoholism is not defined by counting drinks. Drinking is but a symptom of alcoholism.
I like what you said about how being desperate can be different for people, and how those experiences can help an alcoholic come to a better understanding of their drinking.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Alcoholic or not, the question is a smokescreen that hides your belief that any alcohol is no good for you, just like me. You seem to be coming around to making drinking a moral question for you - this is a very powerful force you are bringing to bear. Hang on to this idea, it is going to give you the power and resolve you need to make that commitment to your future use of alcohol.
Congratulations - things are looking great for you!
Congratulations - things are looking great for you!
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
I actually spent a few years drinking "only 3" drinks a night. The glasses got a lot bigger though over time. By the end of that little exercise, they were more like vats, and eventually I gave up trying.
Change4good, sometimes an experience like this is just what's needed to finalize the sobriety deal. You seem to really understand that you can't drink normally or safely.
Now, if AA isn't your thing, that is totally okay. It wasn't my thing either, still isn't, and I'm coming up on 14 years now. But here's the thing. Knowing that you aren't doomed to jails, institutions and death unless you use a particular program is great, and helpful, but it isn't, in and of itself, a plan for quitting your addiction.
It all starts with the decision to quit. Whatever that looks like, it's gotta happen. Nobody quits an addiction by accident. Beyond that, most of us seem to need some sort of a plan, even if it isn't a formal program. I like SMART Recovery myself, because it blends social support with practical tools and has an empowerment focus. But you might do better with something else, like AVRT or consistently checking in here on SR.
Change4good, sometimes an experience like this is just what's needed to finalize the sobriety deal. You seem to really understand that you can't drink normally or safely.
Now, if AA isn't your thing, that is totally okay. It wasn't my thing either, still isn't, and I'm coming up on 14 years now. But here's the thing. Knowing that you aren't doomed to jails, institutions and death unless you use a particular program is great, and helpful, but it isn't, in and of itself, a plan for quitting your addiction.
It all starts with the decision to quit. Whatever that looks like, it's gotta happen. Nobody quits an addiction by accident. Beyond that, most of us seem to need some sort of a plan, even if it isn't a formal program. I like SMART Recovery myself, because it blends social support with practical tools and has an empowerment focus. But you might do better with something else, like AVRT or consistently checking in here on SR.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Oh my gosh, I could never stop at just three drinks ... I'm only getting started at that point! I'm glad you were able to stop and think through what would have happened if you'd continued.
I personally am an AA'er and it's working for me, but I'm not going to push it on you. Let me say, though, that you need some kind of program and some f2f support in order to succeed. Whether its SMART, AVRT, counseling, whatever ... it is enormously helpful. I do know a handful of people who managed to quit cold turkey - no program, no support - and stay sober but to tell you the truth, I don't think they were "real" alcoholics either. It is very tough to stop and stay stop without tools and a plan.
You sound very aware of your habits and how your addiction talks to you, and that's a great start. One thing I learned whenever I relapsed, however, is that I had to make a change somewhere ... I had to figure out what needed to do differently. I'm sure you'll get that sorted one way or another. Glad you are here and glad you are still trying! We aren't failures unless we give up, and you're still in the game.
I personally am an AA'er and it's working for me, but I'm not going to push it on you. Let me say, though, that you need some kind of program and some f2f support in order to succeed. Whether its SMART, AVRT, counseling, whatever ... it is enormously helpful. I do know a handful of people who managed to quit cold turkey - no program, no support - and stay sober but to tell you the truth, I don't think they were "real" alcoholics either. It is very tough to stop and stay stop without tools and a plan.
You sound very aware of your habits and how your addiction talks to you, and that's a great start. One thing I learned whenever I relapsed, however, is that I had to make a change somewhere ... I had to figure out what needed to do differently. I'm sure you'll get that sorted one way or another. Glad you are here and glad you are still trying! We aren't failures unless we give up, and you're still in the game.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I didn't have any face-to-face support. I had a plan, and tools, but it did not include meetings or counseling. I haven't had a drink in a year and a half, and feeling great about it.
In-person support is very helpful to many, no doubt—I'm just saying that it's not a requirement for everyone. Plenty of proof of that right here on SR.
If someone wants to question whether I'm a "real alcoholic", that's their business. I know myself, and I trust others to know themselves, too.
In-person support is very helpful to many, no doubt—I'm just saying that it's not a requirement for everyone. Plenty of proof of that right here on SR.
If someone wants to question whether I'm a "real alcoholic", that's their business. I know myself, and I trust others to know themselves, too.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Goodness, I just craved a cold beer, and for the first time, a couple of posts on SR served as a trigger and not a deterrent.
For example, a couple months into sobriety I had a really strong craving, the kind that says "Hide the car keys and tie yourself to some heavy furniture!" I didn't know what hit me. But hours later, after asking myself some questions, I realized I was tired mentally and emotionally.... I'd been working so hard to stay sober and had a lot of stress in my life. I just wanted/needed a frickin break. For me, that meant alcohol, because I didn't know how to do it for myself. Seeing the issue though, I could at least start learning and looking for new solutions.
You may not feel there's anything going on with you right now, but looking at when those cravings pop up can be helpful - at least it's been that way for me.
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