Counting drinks, to discover if you're alcoholic or not, absolutely doesn't work. As well, not going thru hell, each time an alcoholic stops at three, dosen't disqualify a person from being an alcoholic.

The whole idea of using drinking to come to terms with alcoholism is based on the idea of failure with drinking, of discovering that control is an illusion, and that alcoholism is not defined by counting drinks. Drinking is but a symptom of alcoholism.

I like what you said about how being desperate can be different for people, and how those experiences can help an alcoholic come to a better understanding of their drinking.

Alcoholic or not, the question is a smokescreen that hides your belief that any alcohol is no good for you, just like me. You seem to be coming around to making drinking a moral question for you - this is a very powerful force you are bringing to bear. Hang on to this idea, it is going to give you the power and resolve you need to make that commitment to your future use of alcohol.

Congratulations - things are looking great for you!

I actually spent a few years drinking "only 3" drinks a night. The glasses got a lot bigger though over time. By the end of that little exercise, they were more like vats, and eventually I gave up trying.

Change4good, sometimes an experience like this is just what's needed to finalize the sobriety deal. You seem to really understand that you can't drink normally or safely.

Now, if AA isn't your thing, that is totally okay. It wasn't my thing either, still isn't, and I'm coming up on 14 years now. But here's the thing. Knowing that you aren't doomed to jails, institutions and death unless you use a particular program is great, and helpful, but it isn't, in and of itself, a plan for quitting your addiction.

It all starts with the decision to quit. Whatever that looks like, it's gotta happen. Nobody quits an addiction by accident. Beyond that, most of us seem to need some sort of a plan, even if it isn't a formal program. I like SMART Recovery myself, because it blends social support with practical tools and has an empowerment focus. But you might do better with something else, like AVRT or consistently checking in here on SR.

Oh my gosh, I could never stop at just three drinks ... I'm only getting started at that point! I'm glad you were able to stop and think through what would have happened if you'd continued.

I personally am an AA'er and it's working for me, but I'm not going to push it on you. Let me say, though, that you need some kind of program and some f2f support in order to succeed. Whether its SMART, AVRT, counseling, whatever ... it is enormously helpful. I do know a handful of people who managed to quit cold turkey - no program, no support - and stay sober but to tell you the truth, I don't think they were "real" alcoholics either. It is very tough to stop and stay stop without tools and a plan.

You sound very aware of your habits and how your addiction talks to you, and that's a great start. One thing I learned whenever I relapsed, however, is that I had to make a change somewhere ... I had to figure out what needed to do differently. I'm sure you'll get that sorted one way or another. Glad you are here and glad you are still trying! We aren't failures unless we give up, and you're still in the game. :)

I didn't have any face-to-face support. I had a plan, and tools, but it did not include meetings or counseling. I haven't had a drink in a year and a half, and feeling great about it.

In-person support is very helpful to many, no doubt—I'm just saying that it's not a requirement for everyone. Plenty of proof of that right here on SR.

If someone wants to question whether I'm a "real alcoholic", that's their business. I know myself, and I trust others to know themselves, too. :)

. Edited :(

Oftentimes my cravings just seem to come out of nowhere, or from some small thing that I wouldn't normally react to. When I actually dug a little deeper, though, I realized there were a lot of thoughts/feelings behind my drinking. For us, I just think there's always more to it than "a cold beer sounds nice."

For example, a couple months into sobriety I had a really strong craving, the kind that says "Hide the car keys and tie yourself to some heavy furniture!" I didn't know what hit me. But hours later, after asking myself some questions, I realized I was tired mentally and emotionally.... I'd been working so hard to stay sober and had a lot of stress in my life. I just wanted/needed a frickin break. For me, that meant alcohol, because I didn't know how to do it for myself. Seeing the issue though, I could at least start learning and looking for new solutions.

You may not feel there's anything going on with you right now, but looking at when those cravings pop up can be helpful - at least it's been that way for me.