new and desperate
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 7
new and desperate
hi
I just joined today, not really sure what to do or where to start...AA is out of the question for me. If anybody can direct me I will greatly appreciate it.
I have been suspecting of having a problem for a while, but used to feel that i could quit anytime.....no longer the case, I drink only on weekends, but it's gotten to where i terribly crave it on weekdays too. i want to quit, and at the same time i'm sad about it, just can't imagine doing the things I like without drinking (beach/summer..) i feel trapped and confused.
I just joined today, not really sure what to do or where to start...AA is out of the question for me. If anybody can direct me I will greatly appreciate it.
I have been suspecting of having a problem for a while, but used to feel that i could quit anytime.....no longer the case, I drink only on weekends, but it's gotten to where i terribly crave it on weekdays too. i want to quit, and at the same time i'm sad about it, just can't imagine doing the things I like without drinking (beach/summer..) i feel trapped and confused.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
whimarde
I used to drink only on weekends too, I had huge cravings during the week. Ended up drinking heavily every day. Every single day.
One day I just quit (2 attempts). I decided to quit for good, because I can't stop. One tea spoon and I will have buckets.
Btw its day 160 today.
So choice is yours continue craving or quit and feel free.
I used to drink only on weekends too, I had huge cravings during the week. Ended up drinking heavily every day. Every single day.
One day I just quit (2 attempts). I decided to quit for good, because I can't stop. One tea spoon and I will have buckets.
Btw its day 160 today.
So choice is yours continue craving or quit and feel free.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I always thought that AA wasn't for me too ... thought they were a cultist group of low bottom drunks, spouting off about God and being judgmental of others who will still drinking. I couldn't have been more wrong. After my first meeting, I was hooked ... I even made it out of there alive without people throwing Bibles at me. 
You might give reading the Big Book a try before you totally write off the program. You can find it here:
Big Book On Line
I recommend reading The Doctor's Opinion, There is a Solution, and More About Alcoholism. Very enlightening reading. If you're hung up about the "God" and "Higher Power" issue, then you can also read the chapter on "We Agnostics." Could change your mind.
If it doesn't, there are many other means of getting recovered ... SMART, AVRT, counseling, etc. Just find a program somewhere. It's hard to do this alone. These programs will teach you the tools you need to get and stay sober.
Meantime, we're here for you.
You might give reading the Big Book a try before you totally write off the program. You can find it here:
Big Book On Line
I recommend reading The Doctor's Opinion, There is a Solution, and More About Alcoholism. Very enlightening reading. If you're hung up about the "God" and "Higher Power" issue, then you can also read the chapter on "We Agnostics." Could change your mind.
If it doesn't, there are many other means of getting recovered ... SMART, AVRT, counseling, etc. Just find a program somewhere. It's hard to do this alone. These programs will teach you the tools you need to get and stay sober.
Meantime, we're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 230
Hi Whimarde, you will find a lot if great help here!! I am on my second go around at this and like you I also cannot go to any AA meetings etc.. What I ended up doing is going to my long time therapist and being very candid about my alcohol use. With that She gave me a plan to taper off and also a plan to meet with a therapist who specializes in alcohol abuse. My husband is also behind me which really helps!! First I want to mske it clear that this is the plan I have and it may not work for everyone. Secondly I know AA is a great progrm as it saved my dads life!! Whatever you choose you have already admitted that you have a problem which is a great first step!! Secondly you are looking for help which is awesome!! I wish you the best of luck and hope to see more posts on how you are doing!! Lind
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
('Attraction, not promotion')
Welcome Whimarde, glad you found us
Have a look at the Secular Connections Forum here. There are many ways to quit drinking...something to fit everyone. Some of them, like AVRT, don't even require meetings if that is what you are concerned about. Or there is a book by Allen Carr called 'easyway to stop drinking' which is an alternative to meeting based recovery too.
Have you spoke to your doctor about quitting? They should be able to help you with detox and point you in the right direction if you want any counselling. Many areas have specialist alcohol agencies where you can self refer too. Well, we do in the UK...
SR is a great place for support in itself. I'm sure you'll find what you need to help you here x
Welcome Whimarde, glad you found us
Have a look at the Secular Connections Forum here. There are many ways to quit drinking...something to fit everyone. Some of them, like AVRT, don't even require meetings if that is what you are concerned about. Or there is a book by Allen Carr called 'easyway to stop drinking' which is an alternative to meeting based recovery too.
Have you spoke to your doctor about quitting? They should be able to help you with detox and point you in the right direction if you want any counselling. Many areas have specialist alcohol agencies where you can self refer too. Well, we do in the UK...
SR is a great place for support in itself. I'm sure you'll find what you need to help you here x
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
You came to the right place whim!
OK I used an in hospital detox but if you can go from weekend to weekend that may mean that you won't be needing medical help with detox yet.
Here are things I did that worked.
First thing I did was get honest with my Doc. That means telling how much I drank and estimating higher, rather than the ten lower per day, we all told our docs. Then remember that GPs and Med docs are not trained for this, but they can make sure we are not going through anything dangerous and reassure us with tests of our current state of ease or dis-ease.
I read and hear all the time about how nooooo I can't tell my doc. Well your doc is suppiosed to be and keep confidentiality. If you don't trust your doc then you need to find another doc asap!
You will need support and many find just reading here at SR is all they need for that. I also told my family and my friends (my three closest friends) and checked into an in hospital detox because detox is dangerous for someone like me who drank every a day and night for the several years it took me to get miserable and ill. You can have seizures and die. Thus I scheduled my 7 day in hospital detox.
I needed face to face support and did some one on one counseling and after a bad start with an AA meeting I detested I found a group that wasn't so fanatic and used them for several months. That was few weeks after I was here on SR. I did a lot of reading on the SMART website and their great library online! They don't have any negative things about other programs and fit nicelyy into a well rounded eclectic prtogram as I designed for my recovery. I am recovered now.
Now I am pretty much self sustaining and it is no big deal to be a never again non-drinker. I am not struggling, no craving now, it is a done deal.
I did not do AA as many do. I just took what I could use and left the rest. I never got a sponsor, and did not go but twice a week to that one group. See before I put myself in detox at a VA 7 day detox program, I knew it was a matter of life or soon death. Before I even started I was grimly determined to never drink again and decided in for a penny in for a pound, and quit a three pack a day smoking habit too.
I was desperate to survive my drinking habit and was willing to do WHATEVER it took!
NO conditions and you already set one in saying no AA. I am NOT pushing you to AA but if you are an alcoholic the quicker the better that you quit before you lose more than just your health and family. Some lose their lives.
I stopped AA after three months but would do it again if I had it to do over again but I won't. I recovered, and it was almost too late. My biggest battle in being sober was some terrible PAWS for the first six months but that was like getting over any illness. Alcohol was not an alternative to get better.
If you can't get yourself recovered here, or with SMART or other secular alternatives, then by all means try AA at that point. Some never are willing to do whatever it takes. They keep doing the same thing/s over and over again that never worked before. As if they will suddenly get different results.
I liked AA for several things aside from meeting some non drinking local friends. The mosty important one was the wealth of local contacts and advice available in their collective knowledge. Long term here on SR works for me.
But if one method isn't working for you, don't let anybody scare you away from adding something else, or different.
If you are willing to do whatever it takes, it is faster and easier to recover and stay that way. For an alcoholic not drinking is uncomfortable, but that is the goal of recovery. Any recovery method will be uncomfortable. Don't rule any out, if your first preferred method isn't working for you. I took a little of each and left the rest, but that doesn't work for everybody either.
Welcome and post often! There are great people here, wrapped in humble support for you. Don't underestimate the power of SR. It is also a support group with meetings like any other, except online and for all groups. We have meetings and group support, so you don't have to do it alone, and on your own. Participating here, you are never alone. Unless you choose to do it alone, with no group support, (and make no mistake we are a recovery group here too,) and by yourself, this is the next best thing I have found.
OK I used an in hospital detox but if you can go from weekend to weekend that may mean that you won't be needing medical help with detox yet.
Here are things I did that worked.
First thing I did was get honest with my Doc. That means telling how much I drank and estimating higher, rather than the ten lower per day, we all told our docs. Then remember that GPs and Med docs are not trained for this, but they can make sure we are not going through anything dangerous and reassure us with tests of our current state of ease or dis-ease.
I read and hear all the time about how nooooo I can't tell my doc. Well your doc is suppiosed to be and keep confidentiality. If you don't trust your doc then you need to find another doc asap!
You will need support and many find just reading here at SR is all they need for that. I also told my family and my friends (my three closest friends) and checked into an in hospital detox because detox is dangerous for someone like me who drank every a day and night for the several years it took me to get miserable and ill. You can have seizures and die. Thus I scheduled my 7 day in hospital detox.
I needed face to face support and did some one on one counseling and after a bad start with an AA meeting I detested I found a group that wasn't so fanatic and used them for several months. That was few weeks after I was here on SR. I did a lot of reading on the SMART website and their great library online! They don't have any negative things about other programs and fit nicelyy into a well rounded eclectic prtogram as I designed for my recovery. I am recovered now.
Now I am pretty much self sustaining and it is no big deal to be a never again non-drinker. I am not struggling, no craving now, it is a done deal.
I did not do AA as many do. I just took what I could use and left the rest. I never got a sponsor, and did not go but twice a week to that one group. See before I put myself in detox at a VA 7 day detox program, I knew it was a matter of life or soon death. Before I even started I was grimly determined to never drink again and decided in for a penny in for a pound, and quit a three pack a day smoking habit too.
I was desperate to survive my drinking habit and was willing to do WHATEVER it took!
NO conditions and you already set one in saying no AA. I am NOT pushing you to AA but if you are an alcoholic the quicker the better that you quit before you lose more than just your health and family. Some lose their lives.
I stopped AA after three months but would do it again if I had it to do over again but I won't. I recovered, and it was almost too late. My biggest battle in being sober was some terrible PAWS for the first six months but that was like getting over any illness. Alcohol was not an alternative to get better.
If you can't get yourself recovered here, or with SMART or other secular alternatives, then by all means try AA at that point. Some never are willing to do whatever it takes. They keep doing the same thing/s over and over again that never worked before. As if they will suddenly get different results.
I liked AA for several things aside from meeting some non drinking local friends. The mosty important one was the wealth of local contacts and advice available in their collective knowledge. Long term here on SR works for me.
But if one method isn't working for you, don't let anybody scare you away from adding something else, or different.
If you are willing to do whatever it takes, it is faster and easier to recover and stay that way. For an alcoholic not drinking is uncomfortable, but that is the goal of recovery. Any recovery method will be uncomfortable. Don't rule any out, if your first preferred method isn't working for you. I took a little of each and left the rest, but that doesn't work for everybody either.
Welcome and post often! There are great people here, wrapped in humble support for you. Don't underestimate the power of SR. It is also a support group with meetings like any other, except online and for all groups. We have meetings and group support, so you don't have to do it alone, and on your own. Participating here, you are never alone. Unless you choose to do it alone, with no group support, (and make no mistake we are a recovery group here too,) and by yourself, this is the next best thing I have found.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 7
I know more than just spell AA. If I lived in a large city/town perhaps it would not be a big deal, I could attend meetings on opposite end of the town and not have to worry about anyone knowing that I am attending. I can truly care less about what others think or might say about me, but my kids do care. It would be devastating for them to have people talk about me attending AA meetings.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi whimarde
Welcome to SR - you'll find a lot of support here.
This community has been the cornerstone in my recovery
There's many other different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players (including but not limited to AA):
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
If meetings are a problem, it's worth while knowing that there are online meetings for AA (I believe the non 12 step programmes of SMART and LifeRing also have online meetings)
Rational Recovery is another non 12 step group which has no meetings at all.
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
Welcome to SR - you'll find a lot of support here.
This community has been the cornerstone in my recovery
There's many other different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players (including but not limited to AA):
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
If meetings are a problem, it's worth while knowing that there are online meetings for AA (I believe the non 12 step programmes of SMART and LifeRing also have online meetings)
Rational Recovery is another non 12 step group which has no meetings at all.
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
If you can do it another way, then that's great. However, AA is supposed to be anonymous. There is a girl in AA that feels the exact same way you do, and I have befriended her. She doesn't want ANYONE to know she is in AA, mainly because of her kids. My kids actually know her kids, and we haven't come to the point of getting them together, as of yet. We are still trying to come up with a way to have met each other outside of AA.
She is that anonymous. I am not sure of your situation, but it is Anonymous, and anyone to break that, would be awful. We live in an extremely small town, where everyone knows everyone and their business. I haven't heard anything about her in AA, and I don't care who knows that I am in AA. I am not anonymous, I let everyone know. It has been important for me because I need to have no one calling me to ask me to go out. She is not spoken about, no one knows she is in AA except her immediate family. She has gone to great lengths to keep herself anonymous, as I am sure you could too.
She is that anonymous. I am not sure of your situation, but it is Anonymous, and anyone to break that, would be awful. We live in an extremely small town, where everyone knows everyone and their business. I haven't heard anything about her in AA, and I don't care who knows that I am in AA. I am not anonymous, I let everyone know. It has been important for me because I need to have no one calling me to ask me to go out. She is not spoken about, no one knows she is in AA except her immediate family. She has gone to great lengths to keep herself anonymous, as I am sure you could too.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome!
There are many ways to recover and I firmly believe that the motivation is more important than the program. I use SR as my lifeline and have for years. You can find lots of support and inspiration here.
There are many ways to recover and I firmly believe that the motivation is more important than the program. I use SR as my lifeline and have for years. You can find lots of support and inspiration here.
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