Dim

Hi guys,

I joined this forum 2 minutes ago and decided to post immediately. I think I may have just realized I have a problem. I broke up with my g/f of 18 months this morning and have spent the better part of the rest of the day drinking. Let me tell you the story.
I'm 28 years old, I work for a big corporation in a good role and earn a decent salary. I don't know how long I've had a drinking problem but I think I just realized it today when I spent all day drinking trying to escape from feeling of anxiety and uneasiness. My girlfriend and I agreed to break up this morning because no matter what we do we can't seem to get along. For the past 6 months there is always a feeling of uneasiness between us and we both have been suffering from anxiety. Since we have been together we have broken up several times due to HER dramas and eventually gotten back together however I don't think I've ever felt confident in the relationship due to this and this has what has made me turn to drinking. Now before anyone tells me that the obvious solution is to just cut all ties and move on with my life I need to tell you that I am extremely in love with this girl. She is the single person that dictates my moods and emotions and in a sense I am kind of intimidated by the fact that she has such a strong hold on me but it is what it is.
When I came to the realization today that I might have a problem I called and her told her about it and she was grateful for that and is willing to help me overcome it. It doesn't make me feel any better.
I'm looking to see if anyone has had a similar experience where they have turned to drinking due to insecurity in a relationship and how they dealt with it.

I've read a few posts on this site and it seems like a very helpful and supportive group. Looking forward to your responses.

hypochondriac

Oh my. My guess is probably everyone. I think many people use drinking due to all kinds of insecurities. But I think it is very important not to confuse things. Alcohol is a bad coping strategy. You may be surprised that if you fix your relationship that the drinking is still there and you are drinking to celebrate how wonderful your relationship is. Also you could fix your drinking and the relationship could still not be successful.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time but glad you're posting here to get help with your drinking.

Welcome to SR

mecanix

If you want to give up drinking there is a whole lot of experience here .

As for the relationship i'm not the person to talk to. My major relationship was with the booze and the relationships were a side-show of nice but insecure people supporting me . Afterall who in their right mind would have gone out with a raging drunk ?

Hope you find what you're looking for, M

Dim

Thanks for the replies so far..

I feel like the cycle that I've fallen into is drinking to feel good enough to face reality. This seems to last a few days before something goes wrong and I find myself drinking again. I know deep down that I'm better than this but I feel like I've become so sensitive that any strike to my confidence (especially from my gf even if it's unintentional) makes me turn to the bottle. I truly don't know what to do..

hypochondriac

I've been there. To be honest I had to get out of my life a bit to concentrate on getting sober. I still went to work but I was so hypersensitive that I had to use all of my efforts to just feel okay and not want to drink. I had to avoid a lot of social stuff and make sure I was looking after myself first. Obviously you can't do that forever but once the physical withdrawal is over with and you have been working on your sobriety things become much easier to handle. Much easier...'We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us'. Looking back alcohol had put me in the state of mind that I couldn't function without in when in fact the opposite was true!

Have you thought about how to tackle your drinking? Have you spoken to a doctor about it before?

Dim

Thanks for reaching out hypochondriac.

I've never spoken to a doc about alcohol before.
I've spoken to them in the past about depression and all they wanted to do was put me on antidepressants. It seemed like an easy solution for them but I knew I was stronger than that.
Over the past 6 months I've had so many instances where I've drank myself to blackout to escape reality that I'm scared to think of the toll this has taken on my body and the dependence it has created. I know the easy way out would be to cut all ties with my g/f but I know that aside from all the ******** and my addiction we have something worth trying to hold onto.

mm222

So true, hypochondriac. I relate to your story a lot, Dim. I thought I had major insecurity/coping/anxiety problems, but they lessened in intensity once I stopped drinking. It's so true that alcohol just makes everything so much worse and more intense.

Good luck to you. You'll find a lot of support here.

hypochondriac

It's quite possible that the majority of your depression is caused by alcohol Dim. It might be worth talking to a doctor about your drinking too. Also have a good look round here and see if there is anything that you think might help you. Most people use some kind of recovery program to help them get and stay sober, like AA, SMART, AVRT. Have a look on the 12 step and secular forums.

You don't have to cut all your ties with your girlfriend, just don't allow anything in your life to be an excuse to drink.

I hope you find all the help you need here This really is a great place and I'm glad you're here x

Innerchild

Hi Dim, I can relate. My boyfriend and I did not get along at all when I was drinking I had so many insecurities and drank to hide them. Its great that you are honest with your feelings and admitting you have a problem. I wouldnt say cut al ties with her either bc I know when two people are suffering from their own issues in a relationship it can create problems between the both of you. Its great she wants to help and keep reaching out for help. Does she have a drinking problem? You could try AA and she could try ALANON, you could get into therapy or support groups.


I also suffer from depression and anxiety and self meicated with alcohol. It got to a point where everytime I drank I got committted in a psych ward for suicidal thinking. It progresses and gets a lot worse especially if we already have existing depression. I fought anti depressants for years then I finally gave up the fight and I take one. I can only say from personal experience abstaining from alcohol with help you. Focus on yourself and getting better not just your relationship because once you are better you will not struggle so much. Welcome glad you posted.

Anna

Hmm, overcoming depression doesn't necessarily have anything to do with strength. Depression is often caused by chemical imbalance in the brain and antidepressants help to balance that. And, alcohol is a depressant.

As others have said, alcohol is not a good coping mechanism and most of us have gotten into trouble by using alcohol to get through difficult situations in our lives. You've come to a good place to find support for yourself if you decide to stop drinking.

sugarbear1

You may not be hopeless or desperate enough, but it sounds to me as if the steps of AA might help you out with your anxiety. I say this as my own life was one full of fear and anxiety. Today, I have no irrational fears or anxiety that I had a year ago. It's amazing what working the steps can do for a person. I don't go to meetings daily, although in the beginning of recovery I went to several each day (I was unemployed last year) as I had the time. I found someone to guide me through the steps.

Today, I am a much different person than I was a year ago. In fact, the day after I worked through the steps the first time I felt as if I were a different person. Habits take time to change. The body needs time to heal.

I wish you well on your recovery journey!

Dim

Thanks for your post innerchild.
She doesn't have a drinking problem however due to issues she experienced in her upbringing me being this way is causing anxiety in her and it's becoming too much to handle hence me admitting my problem. I truly don't know if I have underlying issues that are now surfacing which I'm self medicating with alcohol but I sure hope these feeling of anxiety and desperation subside.

Btw, I'm truly blown away by people responding in such a short time, I feel like I've come to the right place to talk. Thank you.

soberbrooke

I was told early in sobriety to only focus on myself. When I did that, all of my other problems started solving themselves.

artsoul

Welcome Dim!

I feel for you.... Relationship break-ups are so hard and the emotions can feel overwhelming. Alcohol doesn't fix it though - it just creates a worse set of problems that can ruin your life altogether.

Drinking for me was all about fear; fear of the future, fear of facing my feelings/problems, fear of my feelings. The more I turned to alcohol, the worse it got. Getting through hard times is a part of growing as a person. Drinking just reinforces our idea that we can't deal with life and after a while it turns out to be true.

Glad you're here!

Dim

Thanks again for all the posts and support. Can't express how helpful it's been.
Thought I'd give an update as to where I'm at. Yesterday would have to have been one of the most challenging and difficult days of my life. Drinking steadily from 12pm to 10pm when I finally decided enough was enough and that if I kept going I wouldn't make it into work the next day. As it is I've had so many random days off because of drinking myself into oblivion the previous night..
When the last drink wore off the anxiety kicked in and didn't let up all night. I found myself browsing threads on this website because the only thing that could make me feel even slightly better was there were others in my boat. Again, I know it's only the beginning of my journey but the support on this site has already been invaluable and I truly don't know if I would have made it through the night without it.
I'm writing this on the train on my way to work and although my body is aching like crazy and my heart is pounding I'm surprisingly quite optimistic that I'm doing ok and I can get through this one day at a time. My question is, what can I expect over the next few days? Is the worst over? Keep in mind although I don't drink excessively every night, I've been using alcohol to escape for quite a while now and have only just realised this.
I look forward to your responses.

One more time, thank you so much for your support so far. God bless you guys x

IndaMiricale

Welcome

I will be simple the more time sober you get the more your feelings and views really can change.

Stevie1

This jumped out at me Dim. I'm one of the strongest people I know but depression isn't some sort of moral weakness and neither is alcoholism and I assure you of this first-hand!

If you are drinking in part to deal with depression, bipolar, anxiety or any other sort of brain cooties, you will also need to deal with the brain cooties that are co-morbid with the drinking. This may not hold true for everyone, but I just wanted to put that out there.

If you've been drinking daily, expect poor sleep, mood swings and some panic at having to deal with life and the crap it throws at you without escaping into drinking "at" it. This can take perseverance! We all go through it. Truly and for real: it gets better. But you may have to learn some new skills without drinking.

It's worth it in the long run.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, Dim. I'm glad you've found help here. As to whether or not the worst is over - for me, it took about 3 days for all the liquor to leave my system. I was quite shaky until then. (Hope you'll see your doctor if need be.)

I relied on alcohol to calm my fears and relieve my anxiety for most of my life. I now realize it was never my friend - I never grew the way I should have - always masking my pain and getting numb. I'm glad that you've seen this is no way to live. You can stop the destructive path you've been on and have a whole new life. I'm sorry you're hurting from your breakup, but something very good can come out of this. Please keep posting and reading - we care.

Dim

Thank you so much for your post Hevyn. It definitely brings a lot of perspective to what's going on in my life. I truly hope it's the end of drinking for me and again I'm so grateful that there is support available.
I sure hope it doesn't take 3 days for the anxiety and palpitations to ease up but if it does it does, not giving up.

fairenough

Please, please DON'T GIVE UP! Honestly, the worst can be over or it could just be starting. Everyone's different. I felt much worse after just a few days and hadn't always drank daily. But don't let feeling awful dissuade you; if you continue to feel awful, please see a dr. They've seen and heard it all. Please look around the site and use the resources: AA, SMART, AVRT, etc. You can do this, if it's what you really want. Loads of people here can show you it's worth it!