jsch

An old buddy that I used to drink with is causing me some resentment. He said it was good that I stopped drinking but I am not so sure he is too happy about it. He will text me things like "I would kill myself if I lived during prohibition". Really, where is that coming from. He will also rub in the fact that he hangs with my old buddies. Guys I don't hang with much now cause all we did was drink. Idk, just kinda bugging me. How did you handle the drinking buddy thing and did you have any detractors?

Anna

I didn't have drinking buddies because I drank at home, alone.

But, I did have a few people I had to get out of my life when I began recovery. I knew they had to go. The unexpected bonus was that two amazing women came into life right at that time, as if I'd made room for them. Both became close friends and one was a true mentor/guide.

mecanix

People find change upseting , especially when it's done by someone they feel close to in habbits, opinions and lifestyle . You've decided to move on with your life, that leaves those doing the "same old" questioning themselves when they wern't expecting it, makes them feel uncomfortable .

Sounds to me like your old buddy on some level wants to change his drinking habbits, thats why he's challenging you. You in some way, represent him if he quit . Sounds like his problem though, not yours, don't let it upset your new life .

Dee74

my friends were the ones who, regardless of how they lived their own lives, respected my decision and supported my need to change.

Based on this post, it doesn't really sound like this guy is in that camp, jsch?

D

DisplacedGRITS

Sounds like we have a theme going tonight. Sometimes when someone quite drinking it causes the people around them to question their drinking habits and they may not like the answer. Another possibility is that some people may think that non drinkers snub their noses at drinkers. That because we chose not to drink we think we're better than them. That's up to each individual. I know i don't like it when people get falling down drunk but i don't care ifsomeone drinks or not. Maybe your buddy is feeling a little defensive because he thinks you look down on his drinking? I'd be open and honest with him. Tell him drinking wasn't an issue with us in the past, lets not let it become one.

ACT10Npack

Just tell your friend that you wish that he does not make jokes about it. Straight to the point.

SobrietyNow

your post is very relatable to me. there was a time in my life where i had to reckon what relationships were what. i found it really hard, not just mildly irritating and it made me hurt and angry. the truth that i found is real friends support you no matter what. they don't need to tear you down to make themselves feel better. that comment sounds designed to be hurtful and challenging to you. i totally agree with mecanix that you represent something he resents and feels threatened by.
i found that many people i thought of as friends for years were in fact only drinking companions. we had that in common and when that was removed we didn't have too much, if anything, in common. that was hard to realize. i'm sorry that is part of the process, but i guess it is. just remember there are so many more rewards and far more meaningful relationships in a sober life.

Keva

I certainly have found that my drinking buddies were just that...drinking buddies. Take the alcohol out and we have nothing. It's disheartening to know that our whole "friendship" was based on getting wasted the entire weekend together. Looking back, I see that is all it was. I actually mourned for them as much as I did the alcohol at first. I am sad about what I thought was there, but realize that the ties needed to be cut.

Notmyrealname

Hard to relate because I don't own a cellphone and so people can't passive-aggressive text-message me, but I imagine my response would be confrontational, in the vein of "so do you have a $#@%ing point? if not, stop bothering me, I'm watching reruns of the Addams Family."

I didn't have that many drinking buddies towards the end. At some point I realized I had become bad news, stopped taking my dog and pony show on the road. Also, much less likely to get arrested, or injure, maim or kill anybody when I kept my drinking at home.

gaffo

Sober people used to scare the heck out of me.

Inca

I know exactly what you're talking about. My best friend knew I went into treatment and would make comments like "when are done with this no drinking stuff because it's screwing with my schedule". At that point, I knew I had to step away for awhile because drinkers just don't get it. Even after several months I still get invites to come over for a glass of wine. I just let them know that I'm happy to come over but I'll be having water. That usually clears up the confusion. I used to get really ticked about it until an AA friend pointed out that it's not others' responsibility to keep track and tip toe around my addiction. People forget or just don't understand so if I sense that I'm getting annoyed, I hang around sober people that "get it".

BoozeBad

I had people who would keep telling me it's fine to have a couple - you've proved you can give up so go why not join us. I'm not the best communicator so I don't think they realised what a problem it was for me - my one "friend" seemed to think it was funny I was having treatment for alcohol.

hypochondriac

If your friend would actually kill himself if he had to live during prohibition, then he has a serious drinking problem and needs to get a grip

Seriously though, try not to worry about it. In the same way that Inca said it's not their responsibility to tip toe around your addiction, neither is it your responsibility to justify your abstinence to them. It sounds like this guy just misses ya. Time will prove that you're are serious about quitting and if he's a true friend he'll still be there. I don't think it's necessary to just cut people off because they react badly. But if he persists just tell him to back off and that you need some space right now. Don't let him make you feel guilty for not going out drinking with him x

TorontoGuy28

Hi jsch-

Great question.

True friends that I drank with to excess do not care that I am no longer drink, they didn't even ask "why" I quit 'cuz on far too many occasions they've seen me smashed, getting asked to leave from clubs and had to place me in taxis..... We still get together, have a great time and I stay sober...

Drinking buddies were just that, people I drank with... They still give me a hard time when I see them, but my sobriety has truly empowered me to dismiss it very quickly. I ALWAYS drank more than them, and perhaps they used me as an excuse for their excessive drinking - see - I did not get as hammered as him approach.

Friends put you in a taxi when you are wasted, drinking buddies leave you at the bar.

hypochondriac

This is definitely something I have experienced too. I was always the biggest drinker and I think some friends used me as an excuse to get wasted. Boy are they disappointed now! And I have one 'friend' who I definitely think liked my addictions because it made them feel better about themselves!

GiGi13

Misery loves company as they say. This "buddy" of yours doesn't seem to really care at all about you, your problem, and is maybe envious of your strength to do something about your problem. He is obviously rubbing it in your face to hurt you, shake you, to get his "drinking buddy" back. For all you know, maybe your sobriety made him take a look at himself and who knows? Maybe HE thinks HE has a drinking problem too, but is in denial and maybe HE is resentful towards you for making him realize it.

I didnt have drinking buddies as I drank home alone. But i did have negative people in my life who, not that they caused me to drink, but would anger me so badly i had to cut them out of my life for good. Most recently, an ex bf of an on and off relationship for 3 years... we had remained friends (and this was hard trust me...he was such a liar).. anyway, because he couldnt have me as his GF..he would throw hissy fits....if i didnt pay enough attention to him...he would throw hissy fits... He would get me so angry i would drink even MORE... im almost 3 weeks sober..and the last thing he said to me on 4th of July via text messages where angry and hurtful... He said he has no faith in me... called me an alcoholic lush... said he bets it wont even be a month until im drinking again and that i will fail at everything i ever try.... all because i was busy in the morning reading the news, enjoying my coffee and didnt want to "chat" at that moment with him...

He's out of my life now.... its not only the destructive "drinking buddies" you need to keep out of your life...but anyone who tries to put you down and steer you off your path!!! you're so much better off without all that negativity in your life!!!!

flutter

I haven't talked to my drinking buddies since I got sober, 3 and a half years ago. I don't miss them, but I remember feeling a little hurt when I realized they actually didn't care about me.

england

If he was a real friend he would not make such comments - you dont need negative people in your life.

I cut out my old "friends" who I used to use with as I cant let anyone drag me back down.

LoftyIdeals

jsch...I struggled a little this weekend with the same issue. My biggest drinking buddy before I quit had moved out of state, and made his first trip back this weekend. We had talked about it months ago, and I texted him on the 4th to see what the dates were. He called on the 5th, and relayed that he had filled his schedule with other neighbors who were part of the big drinking crowd, and that I should come. I was hurt that I hadn't already been invited, and that he didn't want to make an effort to get our families together as we had originally discussed. He also said he wasn't gonna see another family (their other next door neighbors) as they've never liked to party. He said he'd call when he landed.

Bottom line, no call, and it all just hurt. But it also brought closure to a relationship that only enabled my alcoholism to worsen when they lived here. I had told him I quit, so that no doubt helped him to write me off. Now, I can do the same with him; it's clear what our relationship truly meant to him...that I was just another drunk buddy.

Funny, when I had talked about quitting when they lived here, his response was always "no one likes a quitter". F*ck him.

OklaBH

Time to find a new buddy. It really hurts when you find out people you vested so much time in didnt care about you. I have close family members and old friends (2) who have nothing to do with me. They know I have quit drinking. Its a big joke "oh she will find the bottle again" "its sad she doesnt know how to handle it" Real nice huh? There are good people out there.